Encounter in the woods with a man...was I being silly?

[Woodwalk]

I walk in a local woods daily. Today I parked in the small car park where there were around 4 cars already. Changed into my boots, tied up my hair, no one else arrived in this time. Then I set off down a trail which begins running alongside the main road to the right, to the left is an inaccessible woodland - too dense to walk through. You can only enter the trail from the car park (at that end).

I had only been walking for around a minute or two when I got the sensation I was being watched/followed. This is strange as I would only have expected to meet someone head on on the path - given that there's one entrance and I saw no one else arrive at the car park within a minute of myself.

Anyway I turned round a few times and finally spotted a man behind me, slightly off the trail nearer to the side where the road is (trees are between the main road and me). I immediately did feel uncomfortable as I wasn't sure where he had come from, and debated stopping so that he could move ahead of me. I decided against this as didn't want to make a big thing of it.

Instead I kept going and took a turn off into a large shaded area, a clearing where I could see the original trail and find a little tree trunk to sit on (and look normal!) as he passed.

Instead of passing the man followed me into the clearing. I had walked quite far into the clearing to find a tree that gave a lot of space around me. He made a beeline for me straight towards me. I felt scared, and then he met my eyes and asked how my day was going. I immediately went into flight mode jumped up blurted out something about not wanting to be followed on my walk and started to run back to the car park (around 6 mins running). He shouted after me to come back, he didn't mean to scare me, he hadn't been following me, he was lost, he was sorry, come back please.

I just ran all the way back to the car and left.

I'm a woman in early 30s the gent was late fifties I think, and very overweight, if he tried to follow me back I couldn't tell, but don't think he could have matched my pace. He didn't have a dog, but then, neither do I.

Now I'm wondering, was he innocently lost and wanted a chat? Was I being silly to run away? It doesn't really matter now as I'm obviously safe and fine but the woods is my favourite place to go and I feel really put off returning now. Need a reality check as feel a bit silly now but in the moment I was scared.

I can’t remember where I read this, but it was in the context of male behaviour, specifically male predatory behaviour - men do not ask women for help. They will blunder on until they see another man…unless there is an ulterior motive.

It’s stuck with me ever since.

Women should never feel silly for being alert to danger x

Even if he was completely harmless, he has those who are not to thank for your reaction. Maybe he will be more mindful of not scaring women in future

Follow your intuition!

What might have happened if you hadn't? How would you feel if you ignored that feeling and something did happen?? You'd question why you didn't act.

Maybe he was innocent, maybe not, you were shook up but safe.

You could call local police just to raise an awareness. After .a scary, similar incident I reported it incase there was a pattern going on. I would have felt so bad if someone else was attacked and I hadn't said anything.

Ted Bundy springs to mind.

I always told my girls, if your gut is telling you something is off, listen to it, and do what you need to do to feel safe again. If things needed to be smoothed over later, that's okay, the main thing is, you are safe, and you feel safe.

That applies to us fifty something women too!

I left my house a couple of hours ago in the car, two workmen digging a huge hole in the road. A van pulls up looking for directions and said to one of the men - where is x road, one of the workman asks ‘what’s in the van’ - I’ve got some naked women in the back of the van, do you want one and have a break and a bit of fun 😡🤢🤮the workman laughed and said ‘could do with a break’. It’s not funny and it’s not amusing and the fact that I was getting in my car on my drive didn’t bother them. FFS 🤦‍♀️ I said to DH and my daughter it sadly won’t be until men starting calling men out that it isn’t normalised to talk to women like meat. Trust your gut. I’m cross I didn’t say anything to the workmen!!!

You were sensible. If this guy had wanted directions he would have called out 'excuse me' and asked his question as soon as he saw you, not followed you off the path and tried to start a chat . And he would have been mortified when you ran away and shouted an apology after you, not told you to come back!

No

Yes I was going to say the same.

I figured asking for directions might be an exception.

But I remember this being said regarding ted bundy and how he would ask women to help him lift things into his car as his arm was in a sling.
Like with physical things, men don't ask women for help.

But I think it's a good rule of thumb in general too.

Your gut was telling you something was not right, he doesn't sound lost as he had followed you from the start of the trail. Someone who is lost doesn't follow you and waits for you to sit down, comes very close and asks: "How is your day going?", someone who is lost will loudly address you as in "excuse Miss, do you know how to get to x or y point? ".

Always follow your instinct. I would have probably done the same.

Never, ever feel silly or like you're over-reacting. Do what you must to ensure your safety. I'd absolutely report it to the police. Fucking men. I'd also never walk anywhere without a travel size hair spray in my pocket either...just incase you need to fix your hair mid-walk...

this makes me think of the horrific double murder when the mum was in the woods with her two girls walking. sorry - this is why we have instincts.

there is a book about this - called the Gift of Fear

Agree you did the right thing. There are quite a few innocent explantions but none of them will help if you get attacked. and yes I'd be reporting it too.

Who gives a shit if he was lost. He should absolutely not have followed you off the path like that. You did the right thing. I’d have called the non emergency police number as well. Incase another person isn’t as quick as you.

@Sodthesystem you may be right. I have been asked for directions a couple of times by a man, but only ever in very busy places, never when I’ve been alone somewhere quieter or more secluded. I think most men just don’t, because they know it might be intimidating.

You owe men nothing. Nothing at all. Not a smile, not a polite conversation, nothing. Your safety is paramount. Who cares if some strange bloke thinks you're odd. Better that than a headline in a newspaper.

It doesn't matter if you over reacted, it doesn't matter if he thought you were odd or rude or you hurt his feelings. If he was genuinely lost and blundered around for hours more that also isnt your problem. It only matters that you came out of it safely.

I absolutely would report it to the Police and let other local women know on local Facebook groups etc.

Ooops, and 30's, sorry, misread!

The thing with thinking you are overreacting by reporting is that you have no idea if yours will be the first report or the 101st

You did the right thing to run.

Lost my ass. That man meant harm.

Did you get pix of him?

You probably should notify the local authorities of the incident, they need to know there's a man following and stalking women in the woods.

Never worry about being "impolite". We're socialised to be so, but your safety over rides polite, and we have gut instincts for a reason, so listen to them.

I have dogs so am regularly out & about in rural/secluded spots. I'm always alert but generally relaxed, but the encounter you describe would've scared me too. He sounds too old to be unaware, if he was genuinely lost, of how intimidating his behaviour would be to a woman on her own in an isolated area. I'd bet my house he was a predator, and recommend flagging it up with local police while it's fresh in your head.

fwiw, i was watching a police procedural prog yesterday, about the murder of a woman called Wendy Speake - the MO of the man who attacked her was to follow women then knock on their door asking, all meek and mild for directions ie he was relying on women being kind and letting their guard down.

I’d have done the exact same as you. I’ve definitely had situations where I’ve had to tell a man that he’s scaring me. Even if it’s innocent you can’t be sure and best thing to do is remove yourself from situation so you did the right thing. You should t be made to feel uncomfortable. I do think some men are just so oblivious!

I’d have run for the hills !