Encounter in the woods with a man...was I being silly?

[Woodwalk]

I walk in a local woods daily. Today I parked in the small car park where there were around 4 cars already. Changed into my boots, tied up my hair, no one else arrived in this time. Then I set off down a trail which begins running alongside the main road to the right, to the left is an inaccessible woodland - too dense to walk through. You can only enter the trail from the car park (at that end).

I had only been walking for around a minute or two when I got the sensation I was being watched/followed. This is strange as I would only have expected to meet someone head on on the path - given that there's one entrance and I saw no one else arrive at the car park within a minute of myself.

Anyway I turned round a few times and finally spotted a man behind me, slightly off the trail nearer to the side where the road is (trees are between the main road and me). I immediately did feel uncomfortable as I wasn't sure where he had come from, and debated stopping so that he could move ahead of me. I decided against this as didn't want to make a big thing of it.

Instead I kept going and took a turn off into a large shaded area, a clearing where I could see the original trail and find a little tree trunk to sit on (and look normal!) as he passed.

Instead of passing the man followed me into the clearing. I had walked quite far into the clearing to find a tree that gave a lot of space around me. He made a beeline for me straight towards me. I felt scared, and then he met my eyes and asked how my day was going. I immediately went into flight mode jumped up blurted out something about not wanting to be followed on my walk and started to run back to the car park (around 6 mins running). He shouted after me to come back, he didn't mean to scare me, he hadn't been following me, he was lost, he was sorry, come back please.

I just ran all the way back to the car and left.

I'm a woman in early 30s the gent was late fifties I think, and very overweight, if he tried to follow me back I couldn't tell, but don't think he could have matched my pace. He didn't have a dog, but then, neither do I.

Now I'm wondering, was he innocently lost and wanted a chat? Was I being silly to run away? It doesn't really matter now as I'm obviously safe and fine but the woods is my favourite place to go and I feel really put off returning now. Need a reality check as feel a bit silly now but in the moment I was scared.

I wonder whether this is the same riverside walk masturbator I mentioned upthread. If not, there certainly seems to be something about towpaths that attracts these weirdos.

In our case, the creep is escalating dangerously. Having already twice been arrested he seems to be well aware he can act with total impunity and is growing bolder. It's as though it becomes an addiction with these people. He certainly won't stop unless he's apprehended.

The thing about towpaths and riverside paths is that you've often got a fence or undergrowth on one side and a body of water on the other so you're a captive audience. You can see who's coming, hide, it's calculated.

God help the next poor woman who encounters him. The only hope is that he picks on the wrong woman, or at the wrong time, and he gets the living shit beaten out of him by passers by.

Does anyone know who he is? Or has managed to get a picture of him? I’d be very tempted to organise a protest of very angry women outside his house, with placards. Perhaps the police might take some notice then.

I think there's more of these people around than we realise, there's been several reports of a flasher in our very small town over the past couple of months. He hangs around on the paths near the burn which are surrounded by dense trees meaning he can easily hide/escape. It worries me that it will eventually escalate to something more.

Yesterday (10 July 25) there was a really disturbing incident that took place in broad daylight in one of the parks near me and where i often walk. A woman was approached by a man who then grabbed her arm. She shook him off and ran away and he chased after her but then ran off when she reached the main road. This took place in an area that is busy with dog walkers, has a cafe and a children's play park so there were lots of people around. It has made the local news because the police are now patrolling the area and because there are several shools in the vicinity. That man is out there and worryingly the next woman he grabs may not be able to escape. I am bloody sick of it, it is endless

I agree and am amazed at police inaction. I'm not sure how much more evidence they need than a full-frontal, stark naked image of him, dick in hand, as captured by a passer-by who had the misfortune to encounter him in that state.

After his latest arrest I thought he'd gone, but warnings have appeared on our own and neighbouring village Facebook sites that he's now around again. It defies belief.

Interestingly enough, when looking for detail on this I also ran a general search for these kinds of offenders in my area. I found accounts of two more and this is only a medium-sized village.

It's absolutely rife. And as long as it's allowed to continue unchecked it will remain so, and more women and girls will be hurt or killed.

Men and their sexual predilections are so cossetted and protected by this society. Always, always, the assumption is that victims are lying, or if not, that they are making too much fuss. Hence the OP questioning her own responses, which is entirely to be expected given the way girls are conditioned since birth. And one thing about Mumsnet that's really wonderful is that it does educate women to break those constraints, to believe in themselves, to know that they really do not have to tolerate this BS, and that we don't owe random men politeness or kindness contrary to our own instincts screaming to us to do the opposite.

It's the reason so many (probably male/MRA) posters make beelines for these threads, to try to intimidate women into not speaking. The good news is it won't work.

• he FOLLOWED you
• he lied "I was lost" rubbish!
• he was too direct "come back" no one tells you what to do, fuck that

You don't have to speak to them. Also "I didn't want to make a big deal of it" pah. It was a big deal.

Report to the police and get a new walking area.

Men know not to do this. You kept yourself safe, well done. Don't fall for sob stories, all men have the potential to be dangerous. If he's lonely he needs to strike up convos in appropriate places.

His lack of self awareness about how you'd feel is very very telling.

lol! I’m a middle aged mum of three in the UK. I WISH I had his millions! If he wants to pay me to promote the Gift of Fear, I’d be delighted. As it is, I’ve given copies to my daughters and I genuinely believe the book has helped keep me safe in a couple of scary situations.

Who the actual fuck are the 4% that voted you were being unreasonable??? 🤯

OP…always, always trust your instincts. These are the spidey senses that can save our lives.

I was going to mention the gift of fear in my post too, that book is excellent it really changed my life and gave me the courage to act on my instincts always.

Gift of Fear (mentioned by me and other posters) was published in the early era of the internet. Am sure some of the risks to women (and indeed other citizens, eg DC) discussed on this thread have since increased, eg with the proliferation of hard porn, incel sites etc.

I would love to know about any similarly useful and perhaps more recent resources.

This 👆
All of this.

@Woodwalk just to give you a contrast, I was walking home at lunchtime but trying not to get overwhelmed by the heat so I stopped off in the shade. A man walked past, slowed down a little but didn't stop and called out "are you OK?"

It was secluded but I didn't feel threatened in the slightest as that was a NORMAL interaction. I called back yes, thank you.

Presumably men.

They're men and the pathetic kind of women who enable vile male behaviour and blame women for it, stupidly hoping it can't happen to them because they're not like other women, so men will respect them. Gross.

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/230629142-never-a-victim---the-definitive-guide-to-women-s-safety

That sounds terrifying. I hope you’re ok.

Have you read The Gift of Fear? It’s a must read for all women. It will explain why you got a sense something was off before you even saw him.

He would have known you’d be scared, I would put money on it that he followed you.

Right, I bring it up in conversation probably half a dozen times a year, it's one of the best books on self protection I have ever read.

Def either dodgy or was a man with extremely poor social skills/lack of understanding of social norms but most likely dodgy.
I am confused what him being “very overweight” has to do with it though, other than when giving a physical description to the police.
Anyway, I’d stay out of those woods for the foreseeable future if I were you.

That was covered upthread - his weight was the most likely reason that the OP was able to outrun him.

When your physical safety is threatened, the physicality of the person that's threatening it is relevant.

Would you rather be approached in the woods by a man who was 7 stone wet through with a wooden leg, vastly overweight and about 50 middle aged, or had they physical presentation of a winger from the England national rugby union team?

This is why it's relevant here. If we were talking about her choosing an accountant, not relevant.

She’s allowed to describe the person who alarmed her. Stop trying to police women.

Being disapproving she isn’t being polite enough about the man who terrified her? FFS.

Absolutely.

In the police the first thing you consider when sizing up a dodgy situation or when you have to make an arrest is whether or not you could take the person down on your own if you have to. If not, de-escalate, move away, move out of an enclosed space, call for help, whatever it takes to keep you and others safe in ths immediate moment.

That person's sex, height, weight, apparent fitness, apparent ability to move at speed or with violence all factor into that split second assessment of what to do first - run or stand your ground.

Thank you.

I don't see why it is being considered inappropriate by some to mention him being very overweight. It's not a rude description, it's just factual and relevant to my split second assesment to run (and decision to enter a clearing and wait somewhere with space around me, rather than walk past him on the narrower, winding trail), same as muscular, tall, athletic, average sized or thin would have been. I haven't mentioned this man's features, haircut, clothing style, accent or ethnicity as they aren't relevant to that. If I'd thrown those in I might have expected to have people questioning the inclusion, but not physical build.

Thanks again to everyone whose commented. I've been on two lovely walks since in less remote areas both by water, which attract a lot more family types. Much less peaceful, much less immersion in nature sadly as is more popular for tourists etc, but both felt substantially safer. I do plan to return to the woods with my partner soon, and a family member has offered me the chance to take their (large, working farm) dog if I wish to return to those woods solo, which honestly I think I may also do but likely down the line. Won't be able to be my daily walk any more, but means I will be able to have a solo (well, without human!) walk there planned ahead if I want to.

I've done some investigating and there's a woodland around 45 minutes away with rangers - it does have a rather steep parking charge, but it may be a price worth paying if I crave the forest and can't borrow the dog that day.

I've ordered The Gift of Fear, a personal alarm and also a can of dye used to spray that marks someone for several days - it seems that is legal in the UK as doesn't harm, but will often shock an attacker, and marks them for identification.

Again, for anyone who missed it, the incident was logged to the police online. I haven't heard anything yet but wasn't really expecting to. Thanks so much for all the support and advice.

Well done, @Woodwalk - all calm and pragmatic solutions to remain safe and enjoy doing what beings you joy. You have done everything you can.

I have done a few self defence classes over the years and advice has consistently been to run, not to tackle as "weapons" can be used against you (thinking spray in this incidence). Obviously, running could lead to a dead end in other instances - you read the situation and backtracked.

I take my little dog (terrier) along on my walks and although not a fierce beast, it gives me some reassurance. I prefer quiet/silent walks so totally get you. If you enjoy the ranger patrolled forest, they may offer season tickets rather than "pay each time" parking? Enjoy x