Encounter in the woods with a man...was I being silly?

[Woodwalk]

I walk in a local woods daily. Today I parked in the small car park where there were around 4 cars already. Changed into my boots, tied up my hair, no one else arrived in this time. Then I set off down a trail which begins running alongside the main road to the right, to the left is an inaccessible woodland - too dense to walk through. You can only enter the trail from the car park (at that end).

I had only been walking for around a minute or two when I got the sensation I was being watched/followed. This is strange as I would only have expected to meet someone head on on the path - given that there's one entrance and I saw no one else arrive at the car park within a minute of myself.

Anyway I turned round a few times and finally spotted a man behind me, slightly off the trail nearer to the side where the road is (trees are between the main road and me). I immediately did feel uncomfortable as I wasn't sure where he had come from, and debated stopping so that he could move ahead of me. I decided against this as didn't want to make a big thing of it.

Instead I kept going and took a turn off into a large shaded area, a clearing where I could see the original trail and find a little tree trunk to sit on (and look normal!) as he passed.

Instead of passing the man followed me into the clearing. I had walked quite far into the clearing to find a tree that gave a lot of space around me. He made a beeline for me straight towards me. I felt scared, and then he met my eyes and asked how my day was going. I immediately went into flight mode jumped up blurted out something about not wanting to be followed on my walk and started to run back to the car park (around 6 mins running). He shouted after me to come back, he didn't mean to scare me, he hadn't been following me, he was lost, he was sorry, come back please.

I just ran all the way back to the car and left.

I'm a woman in early 30s the gent was late fifties I think, and very overweight, if he tried to follow me back I couldn't tell, but don't think he could have matched my pace. He didn't have a dog, but then, neither do I.

Now I'm wondering, was he innocently lost and wanted a chat? Was I being silly to run away? It doesn't really matter now as I'm obviously safe and fine but the woods is my favourite place to go and I feel really put off returning now. Need a reality check as feel a bit silly now but in the moment I was scared.

Hmm.

I'd like to respond to this if I may. Do I message you, or the central team via the report button?

Better a fool than a sorry fool. Possibly clumsily worded but with best of intentions. You did the right thing OP. Your actions possibly saved your life today.

it was very unnerving. My DS was 14 at the time so not a small child, and we had commented on how strange the man’s appearance was after we passed him - black clothing, a backpack (on a short, enclosed trail) wraparound sunglasses on a dull day in a forest.

Is the woodland owned or managed by anyone like the Woodland Trust ? It may be worth reporting it to them as well as the police, and local facebook pages. I'd be very grateful if someone shared this on facebook if it happened in my local park.

A woodland near us has park rangers that patrol car parks to try to discourage anti social behaviour - if there are park rangers in your woodland , they might have dash cam footage or logs of vehicle registrations, which could help in your report to the police.

We have instincts for a reason. You believed yours and they kept you safe.

Don't twist yourself into knots over it.

That's exactly why the police who interviewed me gave me the impression I was making a fuss over nothing when I reported being followed.

"He didn't do anything to you".

You are absolutely not being silly. This man was 100% up to no good. I remember having a chat with my partner years ago and remember him telling me that he found himself walking on a path behind a woman late one night. He said he made a point of crossing over the road because he felt worried that she might feel uncomfortable. Point being, a responsible man doesn't follow someone in a secluded area and then shout at them to co me back when it's obvious they are scared. If you'd hung around, he would probably have taken his trousers down or some other vile behaviour.. You must report this.

There's a good book called "The Gift of Fear" that discusses this kind of event in detail and how women are socially conditioned to be polite and minimise the idea of being attacked. I found it really helpful.

I did feel a bit silly/impolite to run off

This is how men get us. Society conditions us to be apologetic almost for our existences, to not rock the boat or upset anyone, to appease and smooth over, to put others’ feelings before our own… it stops us trusting our gut feelings and it gets us into danger.

And it has us worrying about the feelings of a scary fucking bloke lurking in the woods.

Women's experience is just completely different to men's. We are well trained in being fearful.

https://news.byu.edu/intellect/study-visually-captures-hard-truth-walking-home-at-night-is-not-the-same-for-women

Did you really Scully01?

Why? What did you like about it?

I thought it was shit.

Each to their own. But why should women limit their behaviour and not enjoy the same things as men? 90% of the time it's fine to walk in the woods.

Yeah. Creep.

FFS Mumsnet. You've described the victim of a gang rape who has shared her experience as being involved in a "spat". That's low.

How on earth did it cross your mind that you were in any way silly?

It just made me really aware of how we are conditioned to act in certain situations that could be possibly dangerous and to always listen to your gut. It isn't rocket science but helpful I think. I read it when I was much younger and that's what I took from it.

Don’t feel stupid. Potentially saving yourself from being murdered, raped, assaulted will always be more important than offending someone, getting the wrong idea etc. Usually someone you will never see again. Always trust your gut and never regret reacting protectively.
Because the truth is that men murder women every day, that’s real life.

You've definitely done the right thing reporting the incident. I had flashbacks of what happened each night for the first week, DH had to comfort me each night after the incident. No one can truly understand what it's like unless they've experienced that fear for your own life. The difference of running to a safe place in time or having been two or three seconds later the outcome being very different.

Stay safe🫂

That old saying “better to be safe than sorry” unfortunately, time and time again it’s been proven that women can’t be over cautious when it comes to male interactions in secluded areas. He may of been innocent, but you can’t be expected to have stayed to find out, not when the stakes are so high if it wasn’t. You did the right thing, stop tormenting yourself over the decision.
You do need to let the police know of this interaction though, just so they can log it and maybe check out the area. If it was a genuine guy, perhaps somebody knows him and he’s missing & the police are already aware? Just looking at other view points now that you’re safe at home.

Please 🙏 in future walk in the town or somewhere safe, i reckon thats been a warning and you,ve had a lucky escape.Lost?i dont believe it, you,ve been so fortunate nothing happened When i was a carer, one home visit took me behind the village hotel and over the woods to a remote house,same times twice a day.. after a few weeks doing this a weird guy would turn up in a secluded spot at the alloted times, certain he was following me so stopped using that quick route. Tell the police,you may save someone x take care x

Women question our own responses before we question male behaviour. It's sad that we should even do this, but this is the power of the ways we are conditioned socially from a very young age.

I am no exception. I had to keep records of a pattern of events eventually amounting to sexual harassment, in order not only to gather evidence but to convince myself I wasn't imagining things.It's so wrong that any woman would find this necessary, but even the strongest among us is very susceptible to cultural expectation. You only have to look at this site and witness the number of women cajoling other women to 'be kind' to abusive men.

I've seen Gavin de Becker quoted quite a lot above. I agree that book should be received reading for every woman. One of the first points he makes is the major warning signal of a man who persists when given the brush-off, or, when he hears the word 'no', insists on hearing something else instead.

Sadly this is deeply ingrained and we need to keep reminding ourselves to trust ourselves, and question off-base behaviour, before we question our own instincts. Being kind and polite can kill - and has.

Sorry if this has been said a thousand times but definitely log with the police. If god forbid anything happened in this area in future you would have logged this and can hopefully give a good description.

100% this, word for word. Report to police so that there is something officially in writing in case the police need to refer back to it, and alert other local women via FB.

Not silly at all. Always trust your instincts.

I think I’d probably avoid the area but that’s because I would find this really unsettling. Hope you’re okay, OP.