Encounter in the woods with a man...was I being silly?

[Woodwalk]

I walk in a local woods daily. Today I parked in the small car park where there were around 4 cars already. Changed into my boots, tied up my hair, no one else arrived in this time. Then I set off down a trail which begins running alongside the main road to the right, to the left is an inaccessible woodland - too dense to walk through. You can only enter the trail from the car park (at that end).

I had only been walking for around a minute or two when I got the sensation I was being watched/followed. This is strange as I would only have expected to meet someone head on on the path - given that there's one entrance and I saw no one else arrive at the car park within a minute of myself.

Anyway I turned round a few times and finally spotted a man behind me, slightly off the trail nearer to the side where the road is (trees are between the main road and me). I immediately did feel uncomfortable as I wasn't sure where he had come from, and debated stopping so that he could move ahead of me. I decided against this as didn't want to make a big thing of it.

Instead I kept going and took a turn off into a large shaded area, a clearing where I could see the original trail and find a little tree trunk to sit on (and look normal!) as he passed.

Instead of passing the man followed me into the clearing. I had walked quite far into the clearing to find a tree that gave a lot of space around me. He made a beeline for me straight towards me. I felt scared, and then he met my eyes and asked how my day was going. I immediately went into flight mode jumped up blurted out something about not wanting to be followed on my walk and started to run back to the car park (around 6 mins running). He shouted after me to come back, he didn't mean to scare me, he hadn't been following me, he was lost, he was sorry, come back please.

I just ran all the way back to the car and left.

I'm a woman in early 30s the gent was late fifties I think, and very overweight, if he tried to follow me back I couldn't tell, but don't think he could have matched my pace. He didn't have a dog, but then, neither do I.

Now I'm wondering, was he innocently lost and wanted a chat? Was I being silly to run away? It doesn't really matter now as I'm obviously safe and fine but the woods is my favourite place to go and I feel really put off returning now. Need a reality check as feel a bit silly now but in the moment I was scared.

Mmm... Best err on the side of caution I think. You would have been vulnerable if he had meant you harm.

Maybe he was just being friendly but you never know.

IMO, they feel they can't be men without exercising some sort of control over women, even if it's only goady posts that disrupt a thread. It's how they define masculinity so the lack of it feels like an existential threat. Women don't feel a corresponding need to control men so we generally leave them in peace. The poster in question has form for this sort of thing, btw.

Ultimately it doesn't much matter why they do it. Understanding their twisted thinking isn't going to stop them.

A decent man knows he's not up to no good, but that a random woman will feel scared by him lurking behind her in the woods.

A decent man doesn't yell at you to 'come back'. Instead, he says 'sorry, feels awful at making you feel unsafe, and deliberately waits for you to get further enough ahead that you feel safe again.

I do agree that NAMALT but we don't know which ones. I'm glad you trusted your instinct, OP. If your alarm bells were going off, you are likely right and you were right to report it too. It might be part of a bigger picture of what is going on in the area.

Any man with a clue wouldn't have followed you into the shady area. I'm glad it turned out okay in the end for you, but sorry it's taken some of the joy out of visiting that place for now.

Absolutely!

@Woodwalk Congratulations! You've proven without a shadow of a doubt that, like many men, you have no effing clue.

Great idea. Nothing illegal about high alcohol content hairspray or wasp killer either. If challenged, you can say your hair gets frizzy when you walk or that you were afraid of being stung by a wasp.

I’d report that !
it’s such a shame women can’t go off for a walk by themselves in the woods or countryside without fear of a man
Men have the freedom not to worry …

Could you put a notice up in the carpark OP? The sort of thing you see on lampposts for lost dogs/cats, but saying something like 'warning, suspicious behaving man in woods, reported to police, please be aware and report if you experience similar' (better worded of course, but you get the gist). Might help alert other solo women and hopefully spook the knobhead if he returns to the area too.

Hope you're ok, it sounds really unnerving.

Thank you so much for this post. A lot do it, hence those of us who are leery of it and have been around for a long time quickly recognise the obvious patterns. It should be pointed out so that others can recognise it too.

I've encountered similar in the past. Talking about our experiences at the hands of men tends to outrage that variety of poster. I shall never stop doing it if there is any chance my own experiences can help, support or benefit others. This is one great strength of MN. I will not allow people like that to destroy this or to silence me.

❤️💪

Never, ever ignore your gut when it comes to your safety. In this case, no decent man follows and approaches a lone woman in an isolated place. The book The Gift of Fear, written by Gavin de Becker, an American security expert, is a must read. His message is very simple. Trust your intuition. Don’t give random
strangers the benefit of the doubt. Being alert and wary could save your life.

The fact this requires this level of explanation speaks volumes. They just don't get it and they never will.

Woodwalk is the name of the OP, not the man that posted that rubbish.

Easy mistake, only clarifying so that Woodwalk doesn't get any other accidentally misdirected comments.

Men get attacked too. Perhaps for different reasons such as money for drugs etc so I wouldn't want my son regularly walking alone in woods either.

Yeah, they’re almost always attacked by other men though. See what I’m saying?

I don’t blame you for feeling scared. Hope you’re ok.

And a lot of them are deliberately obtuse and seem to be dedicated to minimising and trivialising women's lived experience

Thank you! I did realise my mistake and tried to edit, but it wouldn't let me. Apologies Woodwalk.

Agreeing it doesn't matter if you were rude or overreacted. So what? You don't owe him anything and there are worse things to be than "rude" (which is subjective). He should have known that this would make someone anything from uneasy to terrified.

I was once followed into a clearing by a man, when I was 20 and living in France. He spoke quite politely then suddenly lunged at me - only stopped because my friend, who had been behind a tree weeing and was the reason I went into the clearing, emerged and yelled at him VERY loudly. She was fairly intimidating and about 5ft8. He ran off.

You should always trust your instincts

This.
We all have a near miss. I remember walking home as a teenager and seeing a car pass me once, then again and I just knew I had to run. I ran and hid behind some bins and heard the car come again, stop and wait to see where I had gone. I waited behind those bins for almost an hour, terrified. This was before mobile phones. I made it home but twenty years on, I still feel that fear. I have also been walking in the woods with my DS before and spotted a man in the distance, not unusual in itself but I don’t know why, on that particular day I said to me son, ‘Let’s go back to the car.’

Another plug for this awful book.
MN will you look into this please.

Where's the bear when you need one?

Why is it an awful book? Haven't read it but I've been aware of it for many years.

Classist and insensitive. Just because you have your own risks that you must manage while navigating the world doesn't mean you have a clue what it's like for a woman. Just stop chipping in unhelpfully and insensitively on something you have no clue about.