if I'm totally fed up of people assuming SAHMs are rich and idle?

[bohemianbint]

I am one, because I CAN'T AFFORD TO PUT TWO CHILDREN INTO CHILDCARE.

I did initially go back to work, but got shafted by my boss and am about to take him to court. We are not minted and I don't spend my time watching tv, eating bicuits and buying handbags. More's the pity. I will go back to work my my children are older, for definite, but for now, I'm stuck, whether I like it or not.

I find it hard to believe I'm the only person who can't actually afford to work?

YANBU.

But, depending on circumstances, there are others who can't afford not to work.

the thing that riles me most about constant SAHM/WOHM battles is the implication from some posters that we all have a choice. In reality, many of us are doing the only thing we can afford to do, be it WOHM or SAHM.

Agree with Perkin. I couldn't afford to work on my old salary and pay childcare full time and also couldn't afford to be earning nothing. So, ever since ds was very young I've either done party plan work/built websites for other childminders/cleaning job or childminded. As connie pointed out, there ARE options for working around looking after your children to get some extra pennies, depends on how bad you want it. I personally wanted out of our old house where we were desperately unhappy and it made me determined to make whatever I did work for us. We're still far from well off (I wish) but we're much happier where we are now.

well, I honestly believe that everyone can work in some capacity. Whether they choose to or not is another discussion entirely.

hm connie those that you list...well...tis not that straight forward is it, now:

book keeping: you need qualifications and I suppose a mathematical mind

proof reading...how do you get into that, what qualifications do you need and how do you get into that?

audio-typing - I presume you need to a good typist, and also, how you get into it...do you need qualifications?

writing- well...not everyone has the skills and talent to be a succesful writer...

ironing service- well...I have enough irnoning of my own with 5 of us here...

call centre work-shudder

waht is a Virtual assistent?

party planner- well, probably not succesful in that many areas....well..I doubt anyone here would use such thing...

direct selling- surely only good if you can actually sell stuff and feel comfortable doing so

pre-school groups- not sure what you mean by that...but if you have young children/Babies...you'd still need childcare...

franchises...again, depends on the area and also on what, i suppsoe...but often you still might need to have child free time...and that might not be possible for everyone...also you would need money for initial outlay

set up your own business...risky and you would need initially money to do so

cleaning service- well, you can't do that wiht Kids in tow, can ya...

dog walking...again..might be problematic with small children

making jewellery..is that really worth doing...will it actually really give a return?also, some craftmanship involved...

database entry/cleaning- do you need qualifications?

courier...not sure it necessarily will make much really...considering petrol and use of own car and stuff

craftstall- well, again you need skills and of course with small children...might not be possible

childminding- done that...utter nghtmare...it is actually a difficult job and now also takes a good while to even be able to do it, courses, etc...and tbh, and not sure really just how much you actually earn with it, considering the workload...

telemarketing is a bit like call centre work anywya...and I would presume it must be disheartening work to do...

making curtains/alterations...well, not everyone is good with a sewing machine...
what is dropshipping?

You see....it is not all that easy...

Until now the mainreason that I have been a SAHM was, that dh was in teh Army, we moved a lot and he was away a lot, and felt my children needed someone they know will be there at all times...also, childcare for 3 children...nightmare to find and pay for...because es is only 12 this year...but there is not much childcare for older Kids, or people that take older and younger Kids, and stuff....

Must admit, we are not rolling in it, but I am idle...well...I am a crappy housewife, that is for sure...but hohum....

conniedescending - working in paid employment requires mothers to purchase childcare.

What if suitable childcare is not available and/or affordable?

One of the thongs that stunned me when I became a single parent, was the sudden change in attitude towards me being a sahm.

When I was with xp, who worked full time, me being a sahm was fine, no one had a problem with it, infact most seemed to think it the done thing.

As soon as we split, and I became a single sahm, then god did the attitudes change. Peoples main topic of converation with me, seems to be 'how is the job hunt going' or 'have you thought about going back to work yet ?'.

I do have an interview on Friday, and the hours are ok in terms of the school day, but as for the school holidays, god knows what I will do. Childcare for all 3 children for one week, would be more than 3 times my wage.

things not thongs

I used to work in fashion in a different life (before moving to the UK, before having children etc). An absolutely useless job for society.
BUT I don't feel my contribution to society as a sahm is greater than that of a mother working full time who spends less time than myself looking after her kids.

You have children: contribute to society. You try to help them grow into responsible, decent, members of said society. Can be done regardless of the number of hrs spent together daily.

it can be done...

Franca - I do think there is a minimum amount of time that parents need to spend with children for them to be able to impart their values to them... a bit like children needing a minimum amount of time with each parent in a bilingual family for each parent to impart his/her language....

good post franca

I always assume that SAHMs are mostly poor and making do and giving their children time instead of things.

totally agree, franca

"I don't spend my time watching tv, eating bicuits and buying handbags"

what do you spend your time doing?

'tis funny - I am a sahm and as my kids are 2 and 3 and I have another due in October you would have thought I would be reading Parenting Today or whatever - but I find myself browsing career websites and the jobs section of the Guardian -

I don't think I would be all that employable at the mo - not in Transport planning where I was working prior to kids - specially now we live in t'sticks and I can't drive! I don't need to work I am fortunate in being able to pick and choose when and how I will return. But that does not prevent the yearning to be defined by sommat else than my status as 'mum'. This has lead me to join a pre-school committtee which I know I am going to regret. Just so I am doing something else.

I would still make the choice to leave work was I to go back 4 years though. It was right and I don't regret it - that does not make it easy though. The cost of childcare in London was a part of my decision as well as the fact that I was pregnant again at the end of my maternity leave.

Anna, I agree, in that I find the modern culture of working long hours quite insane, and not just for working parents.
I agree that some countries are worse than others for raising a family, being that a lack of state funded, safe and loving childcare or enough paternal leave etc etc.

However, I find there is no difference between my children (maybe because I'm an evil and idle sahm and used nurseries??? ) and those of my working full time friends. They are, well children.

parental leave

I'm not rich or lazy.

I can't afford to put 2 kids in childcare but also can't afford to not work. Our outgoings excluding any luxuries equal more than hubbies salary so I have no choice but look after kids all day and then go to work when he gets back from work even if it is call centre work, you do what you have to.

Its tiring yes and the other option would have been wait until our first child was at school before having another one. But being 31 when I had my first child I didn't want wait until I was at what is known as being a higher risk age.

I guess when both the kids are at school things will be a little easier and I wil get to see hubbie again!.

3andnomore - well thats a big long list of excuses! The point is that ifyou want to work and can't afford childcare there is something you can do.....

anna - you do not need childcare to work in paid employment. I know this because I have been working from home for nearly 5 years now.

Yes, some stuff is dull, some is poorly paid, most takes effort and planning.....I have done various bits and bobs off that original list and some of it has led on to bigger/ better things. If you HAVE to earn money you will find a way.

oooh im loathe to get drawn into this one.

I have to say though, that i think being a SAHM is just brilliant for knocking ones confidence, why that is i don't know - not when you look at what a SAHM has to deal with day in day out day in day out, with no respite. I am a SAHM and we struggle financially - i know i should get a job sometime soon - will have no excuse next year, DD starting school. But i do look for excuses, the trouble is, im not making these excuses to other people, i tell them i dont want to work, but its not strictly true - its about not having the confidence (despite being quite highly qualified I do lack experience)

I am idle

sadly not rich though

Actually I work 2 nights a week so I avoid childcare costs

am just wondering....

I am a SAHM, through circumstances (not living in my country of origin, and my VISA explicitly stating I do NOT have a work permit).

I don´t think evryyone who choses to be a SAHM is rich and idle (some may be).

But then again, I detect a lot of anger with Bohemianbint, and suspect that she may think other SAHMs are idle and rich, and hates being thown in with that lot????

tell me if I am wrong. Just wondering, after all, you are the one to mention the idle and rich bit...

just wanted to totally echo perkin's post

For most people I know with kids, choice does not come into it

I certainly have not been able to choose to be a FT SAHM, even with downsizing our house!

Chandon - you're wrong! I'm not angry with my situation (although obviously it would be fabulous if I could afford to be idle), more the presumption (that has been raised on here today, and in the past) that SAHMs are all fat useless bovine wasters.

I'm a SAHM. I'm also rich, as dh and I were both lucky enough to fall into extremely well paid careers and both worked bloody hard at them. I suppose some would see me as idle - I have one child at school and one in pre-school, still have a cleaner, gardener and send my ironing out. But you know what - I don't really give a damn what other people think of me. Dh and I made the decision for me to stay at home and support his career (which is sometimes v. hard work in itself - last month I was a career counsellor, interview coach, PA, IT geek and - with the help of mumsnet- an industrial spy) and we are happy with the reasons and the balance we have struck.