if I'm totally fed up of people assuming SAHMs are rich and idle?

[bohemianbint]

I am one, because I CAN'T AFFORD TO PUT TWO CHILDREN INTO CHILDCARE.

I did initially go back to work, but got shafted by my boss and am about to take him to court. We are not minted and I don't spend my time watching tv, eating bicuits and buying handbags. More's the pity. I will go back to work my my children are older, for definite, but for now, I'm stuck, whether I like it or not.

I find it hard to believe I'm the only person who can't actually afford to work?

findtheriver - interesting point! I got pregnant with number 2 thinking that another one didn't really make any odds financially, we're skint with one, we'll be skint with 2 and I won't be doing a 9-5 job for the next few years either way. I am looking at getting some freelancing off the ground to fill in the gaps, but at the moment it's difficult to find the energy. (Not because I'm idle, because I'm pregnant, run ragged and knackered!)

Mamazon - not justifying, as such, just wondering whether I'm the only person who finds the cost of childcare prohibitive!

I would love to be idle and rich!

bringing up children is surely quite important isn't it, unlike alot of these jobs which are not very beneficial to society.

if society valued children more than consumerism then it would be financially easier for people to look after their children than go to work and leave them in the hands of someone less mindful.

there's nothing wrong in chatting to people, going for works, making nice dinners, being entertained by telly etc, or spending your dh's money. In any type of society someone has to provide food and someone has to care for the children.

(I'm not a SAHM, I do a job which is beneficial to society, and am the main bread winner, but i wish i was a SAHM)

well if it helps, im single because of an abusive partner.
despite being a qualified proffessional i am told that i would be worse off by returning to work.

some people have little choice BUt to be a SAHM.

but i still believe that it is no ones business but my own (and maybe the benefits agency)

My mum said to me just the other day "you really should have gone back to work, you'd feel much better."

!!

Erm, first of all, I feel fine, secondly, I DID go back to work and got forced out of my job by a sexist arse, and thirdly, she knows damn well we can't afford it!

I have no money. None. My bank account has £10 in it. Dp can afford to feed us and keep a roof over heads but that is it. I never buy make up, i never go out, i never buy new clothes or shoes and i think the last time i actualy went to the hairdressers was 3 years ago (dd and i both go to a freind who is a hairdresser and can snip our hair for £5)
I'm not sure if childcare is feasable as we haven't seriously looked into it, but if i did work I would be better off. I don't because my priority is dd's care and being here for her all the time. It is hugely important to me that i am here until she starts school full time. I don't judge anyone else for working but personaly it would not feel right for me.
As for being idle, that is hillarious.
People just look at the stigma of SAHM: "ladies who lunch", and actualy give very little thought to the people who can't afford childcare or just genuinly want to raise their kids- even if it means huge sacrifices.
I am bored to tears of people just "assuming" and "judging" not just the SAHM thing but as others have said whether you choose to bf or not, if we spot a child being given a fruit shoot, if you have a cleaner even what we call our children. If YOU are happy with your life choices that is fab, be gratful and leave everyone else alone becasue the chances are that however you judge will be wrong.

mamazon ... you make a very good point. It's ridiculous that anyone can be financially disadvantaged by working. There are all sorts of other aspects and benefits to working ... but ultimately work has to pay!

BB-there are loads of work at home/work around the kids opportunities.

I dont really buy the 'cant afford to work at all' line. I totally understand not being able to afford to work outside the home but the reality is you can always work and be a mum at the same time. Of course if you want to be a SAHM and not work at allthen thats fine but the motivation for that is different.

Bohemian: my mother asked me if i "missed contributing anything to society"
Hello? i am contributing a happy, freindly well adjusted child.

bohemian

i do agree with you
i have been sahm onn and off for 16 years now

we do run our own business but mostly i am chilcarer

i really resent the 'lazy' tack and i choose to sahm

Wondering aloud now...but do you think that what our own childcare was when we were children affects our decisions now?

I had a very uncertain first few years and never knew who would be looking after me from one day to the next, and whether I would see my mother for days/months on end.

I am starting to think that this is why I probably would have rather stayed at home, even if I had been given a choice in the matter, because I never would want my child to feel like I did.

Connie - like what? Genuinely interested.

cosima, I understand what you are saying, but i still think the language used is divisive. You do not stop bringing up your children just because you work outside the home! No one would say that about fathers! If you have paid employment, you take a great deal of care to find care for your child which will in no way disadvantage the child and could possible benefit them. This care supplements the main care which you as a parent provide! The only situation where this might not apply, is where a couple are forced to both work financially, and forced to use unpaid care by relatives as they can't afford other ways. In this case, the childcare is financially driven, and not necessarily what's going to be in the best interests of the child. But everyone i know who uses a CM/nursery/nanny has thought long and hard about it and has perfectly well adjusted children!
FWIW, I agree with you that society has gone consumer mad, and it worries me a great deal as a parent, but more from the point of view of what our children are exposed to, NOT from the POV of whether a couple both work. I work in a role, like you, which is socially necessary and extremely beneficial, and tbh I would choose to work even if we didnt need the money, for all the wider benefits.

BB - I'm absolutely sure it's a factor in the process. My mother was a SAHM (which was the norm in her generation) and even when I was older she did a series of low status, boring jobs because she was convinced she needed to fit around school hours. She worked way under her true potential for most of her married life. She would say she loved being a SAHM, but I'm sure there were aspects of her that remained unfulfilled all her life. And as an older child/teenager I definitely would have preferred her to have more of a life of her own. I didnt need or want to have her waiting there at home every time I got home from school. That maybe sounds ungrateful, but I really think young people need time and space to learn to be independent, and I also think it would have been helpful for me to see that my mum as well as my dad could work in a respected role outside the home. I'm sure that's a factor in my decision to keep my career going, though lots of other factors too.

findthe fiver - i wasn't saying that working is bad, just that being a SAHM wasn't a bad thing, and that I don't really understand why people are so down on SAHMs. For instance I would like to bf my child for a year, but need to go back to work at 5 months, so society is making it more difficult for me (yes I know I can express, but finding this difficult)to do what I consider to be the best thing for my baby as a conscientious mother, whereas he will probably be on formula once in childcare. Likewise with real nappies/disposables

"Bringing up children is surely quite important isn't it, unlike a lot of these jobs which are not very beneficial to society."

Couldn't agree more, Cosima

But are people really down on them cosima? You see, I have worked either part or full time all the way along and I really havent encountered this kind of thing. BTW, it's perfectly possible to continue bf while working. Demanding, but possible!

And cosima, I really agree about the jobs that aren't beneficial! I could no way work in a job that might earn me shitloads but has no credibility in terms of usefulness. I know some very well paid people who make their money out of basically ripping other people off. The irony is that some of them are so well paid, that their wives can afford to be SAHM!! I would far rather have two working parents in socially useful and interesting jobs than a father earning huge bucks doing something boring/of no social worth which enables his wife to stay home. I think the first example is a much healthier role model for the children!

No you not alone OP. I cant afford to work either, not unless I want to work but not actually make anything out of it. All my wages would go on childcare. What is the point of that? However I love, love, love being home with my kids so it doesn't really bother me anyway.

I am not rich but I am often idle. Hence being on MN at lunchtime on a Monday.

BB - well, off the top of my head:

book keeping, proof reading, audio-typing, writing, ironing service, call centre work, virtual assistant, party plan, direct selling (100's of products), pre-school groups, franchises, set up your own business, cleaning service, dog walking, making jewellery, data base entry/cleansing, courier, craft stall, childminding, telemarketing, making curtains/alterations, dropshipping etc

findtheriver makes a good point about people waiting to have another child. I am both a SAHM and WAHM, as in I'm a full time childminder so I work full time but also here for ds. I'm due my 2nd child very soon (4 weeks today), ds is 5. Ideally I'd have liked to have them closer together but I couldn't afford the drop in income by having 2 children under 5 of my own (we have set ratios we can work with) so had to hold off TTC until ds would be in full time school by the time baby would be due. This wasn't ideal as dh is getting nearer 50 now, but needs must and all that.

surely you could hire private childrens nurses though if you were in that situation Riven?