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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

463 replies

StressedHost · 10/07/2025 09:11

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

OP posts:
GospelOakCloak · 10/07/2025 09:15

No!! Don’t make your child falsely have to adapt to them !

Bonbon21 · 10/07/2025 09:15

They imposed themselves on you!
Why should your child have to stifle themselves to appease complete strangers in his home.
I think it is very rude of them mot to appear til 10am when they are guests... surely they should go with the flow of the hosts.. and if they don't like it they can bugger off and pay for their accommodation...

Barnbrack · 10/07/2025 09:16

OMG no! Why on earth would you do that? They're cfs

PothasProblem · 10/07/2025 09:17

Are you generally such an extreme people pleaser?

I'd tell them that it's no longer convenient for you to accommodate them for the future planned visits, and suggest meeting for a catch up over coffee sometime

CampCrow · 10/07/2025 09:18

I think a balance of the two. Surely that’s obvious 😅
You are being inconsiderate to let your kid be noisy - jump, run or talk loudly early in the morning if you live in a normal flat regardless of whether you have guests or not but keeping him silenced until 10 is silly too.

It a bit daft to agree to them staying if you don’t actually want them to.

RachelsPeeves · 10/07/2025 09:18

They fit in with you - but I wouldn't have a former colleague and boyfriend that I don't know every well imposing for a weekend. Family emergency incoming for the next visit?

Harrriet · 10/07/2025 09:18

Absolutely not, if they want peace and quiet and long relaxing meals then they should get a A&B..

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/07/2025 09:18

They are guests who know you have a young child and a small place. If they want a lie in and long meals they stay in a hotel.

BMW6 · 10/07/2025 09:19

Don't be so bloody daft OP. What you've got is a pair of Freeloaders.

More fool you frankly.

Pollqueen · 10/07/2025 09:19

I'm with your DH on this one. If they want silence and a leisurely breakfast around 10am, then they need to find alternative accommodation

Pyjamatimenow · 10/07/2025 09:19

I think you’re asking the wrong question. Why are you allowing these people to stay? Let alone changing how you live for their comfort? Madness!

Lins77 · 10/07/2025 09:19

They invited themselves. You are doing a huge favour by letting them stay. They can fit in with you, nor vice versa. You're not a hotel.

maslinpan · 10/07/2025 09:20

I'm with your DH all the way. Why on earth did you have cookies for breakfast to avoid making a noise in the kitchen? Can't you see that this is ridiculous? Are you slightly intimidated by this couple, or desperate to stay in their good books for some reason? You are doing them all the favours here, by allowing them to stay.

Groundhedgehogday · 10/07/2025 09:20

No no no. If they want quiet till 10am they can book a hotel, the cheeky fuckers.

YSianiFlewog · 10/07/2025 09:20

I think I would try to keep him quiet till 7.30 or 8, no longer than that.

Rooroobear · 10/07/2025 09:20

Absolutely not! Why are you pandering to these uninvited and frankly, rude people. Your husband is completely right. You have a child, they know that. Tough shit if they get woken up at the crack of dawn.

Sjb85 · 10/07/2025 09:20

It's your child's home, not theirs.

fatgirlswims · 10/07/2025 09:20

Yes do not let them stay they are taking the piss. In fact get your kids to make as much noise as possible so then don’t want to ever see you again.

Hodgemollar · 10/07/2025 09:21

This is really weird, I would never be keeping my children from playing in their own home until 10am because someone who had invited themselves didn’t want to be disturbed by children.
Being childfree is irrelevant.
They can’t live childfree lives while staying in the home of children.

noidea69 · 10/07/2025 09:22

I think you are 100% missing the real issue.

Why are these freeloaders who you dont know staying with you.

Your husband is 100% correct.

saveforthat · 10/07/2025 09:22

I don't see anywhere in the op that the guests have demanded this. I believed this was real up until the "I didn't have any coffee" bit. This is either a wind up or the op is seriously weird.

VintageKefir · 10/07/2025 09:22

People I am not particularly friend with have trird to invite themselves to my house after I moved. Slyly with "would be lovely to visit where you live". Yes it would, I sent them links to local hotels.

Why would you host someone you barely know now and someone you never met who invite themselves...

Rooroobear · 10/07/2025 09:22

I’d also be telling them that I’m busy for the other times they have planned to come to your house. How dare they. And you let them.

Karatema · 10/07/2025 09:23

If they wanted a quiet life then they should have booked a hotel!
Do not pussy foot around them or they’ll be inviting themselves again!

Hodgemollar · 10/07/2025 09:23

I honestly can’t believe you fed your young child cookies for breakfast because you didn’t want to make normal noise while someone visiting you was having a lie in.

You’re prioritising these people well above your own children. Are you really happy to make bad choices for your child just to please other people?

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