Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

Honestly this. Are you this much of a doormat with everything too?
these people invited themselves, and you’re fighting with your family to please them? Do you have a boundary issue with people pleasing.?

If you'd invited them originally or if they were paying I'd agree more with you.

Since they invited themselves and have free accommodation I'd expect them to just fit in with what's convenient to me.

YABU. They knew you had children before they invited themselves to stay.

I’d never expect my hosts to keep their children quiet on my account - and I say that as a childfree person.

Op, without wishing to be rude you're being daft, I'm child free but I don't sleep in until 10 any day unless I'm ill. I wouldn't expect anyone to keep their DC quiet in the morning for me but then I'm not a CF who invites themself to stay at other people's homes

Absolutely would not be making accommodations for them. Anyone that goes to stay with someone with kids will expect kid noise. Though I think you’re already being over accommodating by letting them stay. A barely known colleague and her unknown boyfriend would not be staying in my house with my children.

They're not friends so you don't owe them anything. It's very nice to offer them a bed for the night, you certainly shouldn't be changing your lifestyle for them. If they want peace till 10am they should book a hotel room.

Absolutely crackers.
I’d be encouraging my child to make as much noise as they want to discourage those freeloaders from visiting again.
You need to stop being such a doormat OP.

I’m childless and would not expect this, but then I would not invite myself to stay with someone I hardly know just to save money on a hotel either.

@StressedHost

Hell no. It s your house. They know you have kids and you re not a hotel even if you are in a touristy area.

if they “sort of invited themselves” then they suck it up or they jog on.

i would reply “looking forward you, it ll be great fun. Just a friendly reminder that we are a busy household with kids running around 😝🤣🤣 but very happy to get to know your partner and inviting you in our family home”.

that way they know exactly what to expect!

they are friends not the Queen of Sheeba. Dont put yoyrself under pressure. Be generous and attentive as a host but live your life as you would. They need to slot in

Your kids have a right to live normally in their home. I think what you’re doing is actually pretty cruel- denied a proper breakfast and not allowed to play. And you sound like an absolute martyr with no coffee until 10am. Guests either accept it’s a family home with all the normal parts of family life or they go to a hotel. And who the hell says yes to an ex colleague they don’t even consider a friend staying, then expects the rest of the family to bend over backwards to accommodate them? Do you generally have people pleasing tendancies, boundary issues and/or trouble saying no? This is so far from normal I think you might actually benefit from some therapy.

Slightly boggled about them "not complaining about the noise or the DC so far" like this is some sort of bonus. I hope you ask them to leave if they do!

I think the real question is why you agreed to host someone you barely know ?

This is insane, stop now. These people no longer stay and your family gets their back

This can't be real surely 😳 in general I actively discourafe loud noises (running/jumping etc) before 8ish just because it's polite for neighbours. I wouldn't change my DCs routine for a guest, invited or otherwise. Its their home. FWIW making cereal for breakfast is quieter or no more noisy than using the bathroom so the cookies until 10am probably a step too far!

As someone without kids - fuck ‘em.

You lost me after the first question..no, its my child’s home, guests adapt to us.

They chose to visit you, it doesn’t sound like they are even treating you in return? Personally team your dh except I’d add if your child wants to run up and down the hall screaming at 6am that’s on them to suck up, and I’d probably be considering encouraging them to.

This is bizarre. These people are freeloaders who are taking advantage of where you live and you are tiptoeing around them? No. Your DH is right.

DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child

Yeah, he's right.
There's no way I'd be feeding children cookies instead of a proper breakfast because some cheeky fuckers invited themselves to stay and wanted a holiday sightseeing in the nice place you live in. If they wanted to be undisturbed until 10 am they should have stayed in a hotel.
I'd also be cancelling the other weekends too. Sorry, cheeky fuckers, it doesn't work for us. When you asked to stay we hadn't really thought through the implications of it. The flat is just too small to have guests and young children and meet everyone's needs. Let me know the next time you're in town and we can meet for a drink. And then if they take the huff, tough. Problem solved.

They are taking the piss and unless you put your foot down and stop this, they will be back again regularly. In the future, only invite people you want to have stay there, remind them you have children who get up at 6.30 am and the flat is small so that means they will be disturbed by normal household noise in the mornings. If you do that, your guests will know what to expect in advance and can stay nearby if they'd prefer it to be quieter.

No, it's tour childs house, you pay the bills. They invited themselves and they aren't even your good friends or family.
Its your childs home they should not feel uncomfortable in their own home.
They can pay for a hotel if they want peace and quiet.
I would actually be livid if this was even suggested, I can see why you had an argument about it.

They invited themselves to stay in the home of children, they get the full experience. Why should you all walk on eggshells or expect your children to be scared to be themselves?
If the wanted lie ins and quietness, then they could have booked somewhere quiet, so it was their choice.
You need to stop wrapping yourself in knots and expect your family to do the same, just to please others.
I agree with your DH wholeheartedly!

Some people you hardly know invited themselves to your small flat so they could sightsee on a budget and save themselves accommodation costs and you are tiptoeing around trying to be the most gracious host ever.

Are you this passive and dismissive of your own needs in every aspect of your life?

They have been cheeky fuckers a bit by inviting themselves but you’ve enabled it and are making yours, your DHs and your DCs time in their own home uncomfortable as a result.

Use your home as normal while they are there and if they don’t like it they won’t come back.

I really really hope they bought you a great host gift and paid their own way with food and consumables.

This! Let your child behave their usual way, it's their house!

I can understand your desire to give a guest a pleasant time, OP: it's what many of us were brought up to do. But it's quite clear that this pair are using you as a means to have cheap weekend breaks and that's a massive gift you're offering.

No need to shush everyone. They know they're coming to stay in a family home. If they get woken up early, that's the price they pay for not forking out for a hotel room.

If a hotel room in your city would cost them £100 a night, then if I was staying with you I would ensure that I gave gifts (useful gifts: food, wine, restaurant vouchers, some cash in an envelope) to the value of at least £25 a night. Because otherwise you look like a tight bastard. If they're not doing this, don't invite them again. Just say that things are difficult with a noisy small child, you have stuff planned and recommend a reasonably-priced hotel. And if they wheedle, just say no, it's not convenient.

These people are not your friends: you don't have to give them what they want.

I'd be encouraging my child to make as much noise as they liked to irritate these people and ensure that they wanted to leave without coming back again.

Cheeky fuckers. You've got it entirely the wrong way round here.