Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

I think there is some middle ground to be found. I'd probably try to keep the kids quiet until around 8:00 if I could, but then I'd live my life as normally as possible, including coffee! 10:00 is much more consideration than they can reasonably expect.

Please learn this sentence, OP;

'Sorry, that doesn't work for us'.

Repeated as often as needed.

You do not need to give reasons or excuses. Cheeky gits will always try to side step them once given.

Just. REPEAT.

You don’t need to be that elaborate - just say that your spare room is not available… and tbh I would tell them that is the case now. But failing that, get DS a drum kit/fisher price piano and place it outside their door and let him play it from 6am. And don’t host any more meals.

If you say the room is not available on weekends, they will find a way to come midweek. These are relentless, rude, and entitled people, who don't give a shit about you or your family or your needs. Cancel the four day visit.

I'm agreeing with your hubby on this one to be honest. They've invited themselves into a family home they know you have a child I don't think they should be expecting a young child to stay quiet to please them. It's your child's home not your guests home-but why allow an ex colleague and her boyfriend to stay over when she isn't even a friend and her boyfriend is a stranger to you all I'm surprised that your hubby talks sense about not keeping your kid quiet yet agreed it was ok for these two people who aren't friends with either of you to stay under your roof

I would suggest you need to have a bit of a thought and care about having complete strangers in your home with your young child about...I will leave that with you. I think you are mental to be honest, your priorities are all wrong, never mind all this people pleasing bullshit parenting would be better.

Am the childless friend. I would go in full expectation that family life continues and I should be okay with that in choosing to stay, even if that means noise at 6am.

I would however expect a choice on whether to join in 😂. In a recent stay with a friend with kids I was up at 7am on Saturday having a tea party with a collection of plastic farmyard animals and a 6yo. I had great fun but we stayed up late Sat night. DF’s DH got up and took LO out on an earlyish dog walk. Me and DF had a slight lie in, leisurely coffee together and catch up.

I’ve not read every post in the thread and I’m glad you’ve seen the light OP with the CFs.
I know you might think it harsh but the CFs are getting a long free holiday when you add all the “visits” together. They are using your facilities and that costs money plus I don’t think they will be paying for every last morsel of food they eat.
My DC is loud but I would not be trying to keep them quiet while “guests” are having a lie in or whilst they were having a meal. CF expectant looks can cast their eyes over Premier Inn website and find a room for the weekend.
Is there no way you could have a sudden water leak which requires a lot of work, unfortunately meaning the spare room would not be available? I personally would tell CFs to jog on.
I’m furious on your behalf at the CF asking for a spare key when you are away too…!!!!

How many more visits are there ?
And they have to fit around you, not you fit around them.
PS. Do you not have a kettle ? For instant coffee 🤣

Why on earth did you agree to them staying! I can't imagine ever agreeing to allowing a colleague that I wasn't friends with and completely stranger stay in my house with my children!

Given that she sounds pretty rude, do you think she could just be ‘friends’ with you for the benefits of a free place to stay. I mean, the moment she invited her boyfriend too that would have sold it to me that she was just after what she could get.

Why let someone use you? Be more secure in who you are, you don’t need a 20 something to make you feel better/popular/useful. If she was your friend she would not expect you to quiet your child unless they were being unruly and far beyond a child’s normal level of noise and excitability

I don't have children. If I was a guest in someone's house I would expect them to carry on with their lives beyond some basic consideration, such as not letting the child into my room when I was asleep. But why on earth host and defer to people who aren't even your friends?

They are being cheeky fuckers and they know it.

No way would I let a man I never met stay in my house with my child. They asked you last minute knowing you would feel like you couldn’t say no. But that’s on them. They should have had basic manners and asked first

I would message saying something has come up and they won’t be able to stay in the summer. They are adults, they can get themselves a hotel or stop going places they can’t afford.

I wouldn’t even make up an excuse if they ask to stop again. They don’t care about your feelings, they are using your kindness. Don’t think of theirs. Just say no it won’t work for us.

I would also look at doing some work on yourself to start being more assertive. I would not want my child growing up thinking they.have to put other people’s feelings before their own. And it will rub off on them.

@StressedHost I think by sticking to this 'plan' you think you are being assertive - you're not.

They are absolutely taking the piss.

I would put my foot down and reduce or cancel the 4 night stay. You have to start practising saying 'no, that doesn't work for me.'

It’s understandable if you want to stick to your agreement. I get it, you may not be someone who is comfortable with appearing flaky or unreliable . That said given their attitude towards your kids, and the whole issue of her inviting not only herself but her boyfriend it would be understandable to cancel.

You know not to host them again after
this summer and in future perhaps you can think about being more assertive. Because I don’t even have kids but there’s NO WAY someone who invited themselves to stay at mine could just bring their boyfriend along.

I am quite hospitable and relaxed about people staying, but I’d have told the colleague straight that it was not possible to stay longer than 2 nights and it would just be the one occasion and no they couldn’t bring their boyfriend - a strange man- along.

I think today would be a good day for you children to learn to play an instrument or two.

What?! No. It's your child's home. I'm childfree, and this is bonkers, OP.

These people can get a hotel. I'm actually kind of shocked you'd consider this.

No, you need to put your children first, have some stronger boundaries and not let random colleagues use your own home as a free holiday house at the expense of your children.

Tell them it doesn't work for you.

If any family or friends stay, they need to fit around your routine as it's your home.

But these guys aren't even your friends.

Why on earth are they coming again? For several days. Saying no is OK. It really is. They're walking all over you.

Good grief OP. You are very much allowing your whole family to be mugged off.

I wouldn’t allow a strange man who I have never met before stay in my house with my children. Absolute non negotiable for me. I think YaBVU as you shouldn’t allow them to stay.

This

You are a people pleaser, OP. I get it. You don't want the fall out and you work together. However, this is at the expense of your own freedom and your family's to be at ease in their own home. You think you're being kind, polite and considerate by working around their schedule and welcoming them into your home, but you may as well lie there at the door when they arrive to wipe their feet all over you.

It is not your responsibility to provide these people anything. They're not visiting you and your family, they are using you as free accommodation. The fall out is going to be tough as you've set a precedent, but itnwill be worth it to get your freedom back.0

August is still enough time for them to book a BnB somewhere. Cancel them and don't look back.

Having just reread your op, this is actually a former colleague, so not even anyone you work with and see on a daily basis.

FFS op, absolutely stop worrying what she may think of you if you say no. You literally have nothing to do with this person anymore and don't have to be in touch with them foe any reason. If she badmouths you to others in the same industry, then it will reflect badly on her, not you anyway!