Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

I would also be cancelling future planned visits. Just tell them that you're really sorry but things have changed and you can no longer accommodate them. It's your home and a small flat at that!

If they had any decency, they'd have cancelled future visits themselves after realising what an imposition it is on your family.

The correct answer is that you don't let them stay.

He should have said no then. I doubt OP overruled him and fought for this.

Are you normally such a pushover? Why on earth would you agree to this in the first place? Even more worrying is your thinking you need to keep your child quiet!!! Mad.

What exactly are you getting out of this arrangement?

They're not good friends, doesn't seem like you enjoy their company or have much in common and they aren't paying you.

Why would you accommodate them ?
At all?

And my suggestion if bringing a child breakfast in bed with a movie is pretty much the opposite of treating DC like a second class citizen.

They can piss off!

Imagine asking if its normal to put a randomer above your child in their own home.

No way would I be hosting these people under these circumstances. I.e. not a friend/family, small space, for several weekends (?!) etc. I'd definitely be cancelling the future planned visits.

In this scenario my child would be given a pan and a wooden spoon and told to go make some music outside their door at 6am.

You're trying to be nice and kind to them at the expense of your child's comfort in their own home.

You've allowed a virtual stranger and an actual stranger to stay in your home as well. How do you know the boyfriend is even safe to be around. He could get drunk and smash places up, he could be a paedophile, he could be a thief.

I would be cancelling any further visits.

Why the fuck would you agree to people you’re not even friends with staying in your house multiple times? It’s so odd I can’t get my head around it. No you shouldn’t keep your child quiet, poor kid. It’s the weekend let them have fun.

Why the fuck would you alter your own lives to host people you don't even particularly like? For free?

Nuts.

This.

Can’t believe you didn’t get coffee or feed your child properly because of them!

I would tell the pair of them to take a hike and not allow them back again - it’s your home!

What on earth are you doing entertaining this?
Your poor husband and child.

What on earth possessed you to agree to this.

Unbelievable.
Contact them and say, no more.

Your poor family.
This is highly abnormal behaviour IMO.

If you as a family were the ones visiting childless friends in a touristy area, yes, I’d say you should keep the children’s noise down. But THEY are visitors in YOUR home (and it sounds like partially uninvited ones) - your children should be allowed their normal routine.

My view is that guests have a duty to adapt to the routine of the house. If it’s a family home, there will be family noise. Same with a home with lots of pets. If they don’t like it - they don’t invite themselves again.

Goodness me. Keeping your child quiet is the least of your worries here. I can’t believe a mere acquaintance has invited herself, imposing on your hospitality for several weekends, and is contributing nothing other than their own special food. Your poor husband having to put up with these strangers in his home.

So we don't have this issue because, with two "spirited" young kids, we only stay with close family and only have close family to stay with us. We just wouldn't host colleagues/vague friends in the way you describe, unless maybe just for an overnight.

We were invited to visit an old friend of my husband's for a big party last summer and we said we'd come for the party but stay in an airbnb nearby. Worth every penny.

I don't inflict my children on others, but I won't have others invading our living space either.

I’d make as much noise as possible so they never came back. Tbh, I would never have let them impose themselves on me n the first place, what do you get out of this?

You're absolutely nuts! Why let them stay anyway when they're not your friends? Why disrupt the entire house for a couple of CFs?

“the guests are neither friends nor family….They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city”

OP, they are CFs and you are being outrageous towards your family. You let these people whom you don’t even know very well come and freeload for not one but “a few” weekends; you deprive yourself of coffee and feed your child biscuits. I suppose you could go the whole hog and book yourself into an Airbnb with your family, lest these unwanted guests should be disturbed, because hell, their needs trump yours in your own home! OP, are you bringing up your child to be a complete and utter doormat? Reasonable adjustments for friends are one thing: allowing your life to be overtaken by people to whom you owe nothing is quite another matter. Get up: make coffee, give your DC his normal breakfast. If your uninvited guests don’t like it, they don’t need to come again.

I hope this is a reverse cos they're a bit cheeky and you and your family have every right to live your life as normal.

I have people to stay all the time and of course made some accommodations when DC were small, but this is bonkers. They’re not even your friends! Yes, it’s a good thing to teach DC ‘please play a quiet game, we don’t want to wake the whole house’ but this is going above and beyond for a pair of cheeky fuckers!

I’m with your husband and pretty much everyone else on this thread! Perhaps if your ‘guests’ are disturbed by your children simply following their normal routine, then the cfs won’t be inviting themselves back…

You're being bloody ridiculous!!
In this situation I'd not be restricting my child in anyway. Let him behave as he would at any other time.
They invited themselves (what on earth were you thinking??!!)
They are not paying
They don't seem to be doing anything to help
Oh - but they are buying things for their special dietary requirements - too bloody right! I bet you're still cooking it though?

Hopefully some early morning wakeups will see the cancellation of future stays, and be a bit more assertive next time they say they are coming!

I would not be changing anything and just living normal way with my own family. They want peace they can go to a hotel. I cannot believe you even let them stay when they are not even coming to visit you but are using you as a free accommodation on an touristic area.