Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

So these people are using you as a free hotel. Not bringing anything to the table or taking you out for a meal and you feel you have to change your way of living. Absolutely no way.

Even if you had invited them it's daft to go to those extremes.

They know you have a young kid don't they?

I'd probably try to keep things quiet for an hour or so if she was up at 6, but I'd have got her breakfast, maybe even used the coffee machine before 10.

Former colleague who you're not even bothered about?

Why did you say yes?

I doubt they expect hotel style quietness. I think YABU to give this that much thought. Just carry on with your life. If they don't like it, they can always check themselves into a hotel. Your long post is bonkers, sorry

No sorry we don’t have house guests my child is up early at 6.30 am and we have a noisy bustling household. Happy to meet with you for either a short trip to the park or a coffee but obviously DC is very active.

I would absolutely not keep my child quiet for a person blagging a free room that I didn’t really know but I wouldn’t of put them up in the first place

I'm normally try to keep a child quiet until a civilised hour in a flat - but not as late as 10.am. If I had CF guests who had invited themselves - and who should be cooking for you or taking you out for a meal - I'd encourage my child to be noisier than usual to deter them from coming back.

Despite their plans for other visits you can just say "sorry this isnt working for us and we need to cancel further visits".

Just reread & you have even more visits planned.

You have to tell them no surely?

You say that they invited themselves, OP, but that's not true, is it? They didn't turn up on your doorstep out of the blue and force their way in, ignoring your protests. They suggested they would like to come; you agreed. That is you inviting them. And what's more, you've invited them for yet more visits. I'm also sceptical about how much/little you actually know them. Why do they have your number to ask if they could come if they're people you don't know? How did they get your address? In future, be honest when you post. It might help you to be honest with yourself. You invited them (several times), you're imposing all kinds of inconveniences on your child and husband. If I were your partner, I would be severely pissed off with you and your behaviour.

Whoa! You sound really nice op, but too nice for your own good.
There are many reasons you might go out of your way for a guest, and these people don't fit any of those reasons.
Be normal. If they don't like it they can pay for their holidays and not be takers.
That would be a win all round.

If I’d never met the boyfriend I wouldn’t be letting them stay in my home especially as I have a child. I wouldn’t have agreed to this op. No way would I have tried to keep my child quiet/out the way in their own home. Plus I think you said it’s a flat, this sounds impossible. It sounds like they provide food but what about water/electricity and the effort that you have to work your lives around them. I have a friend that descends on a distant family member and camps on their living room floor with her kids and dh once a year. Despite the family member having a lot of children. Also due to them living in a holiday location but the favour isn’t returned. I wonder how this really sits with the hosts who are still trying to work etc.

It’s quite strange they invited themselves without even really knowing OP ? I wonder if they would ever host Op and her family?

To the pp saying a lie-in is rude, no personally I don’t think them sleeping until 10am is a problem. They’re on holiday and like it or not, Op did accept their request to stay over so it must be expected. I very rarely can sleep until 10am but if I was able to I would!

For all you know they might struggle to get to sleep - like I often do - especially in someone else’s house, so when they do finally get to sleep they just let their body wake up naturally. Or they are just tired.

If I force myself to wake up early and wake up sleep deprived, it can cause issues for the rest of the day.

However, OP you shouldn’t be tiptoeing around them and feeding your kids cookies to avoid disturbing them. That’s well intentioned perhaps but OTT and you’ll eventually resent them if you continue to over-extend yourself in this way.

I was kindly invited to stay with a couple who had toddlers, they were so lovely and had reshuffled sleeping arrangements around to let me have my own room. That was more than enough for me to be comfortable. I didn’t expect their toddlers to keep quiet or for me to be able to play the tv loudly when their kids were sleeping.

I had been working very hard at work plus I was on my period when I tend to be very tired and anaemic and did sleep in later than them some days. I’d eventually wake up to their kids running around and family life going on as usual in their household . Lovely!

Neither of us were being unreasonable. I was happy doing my thing and they were happy doing my thing ! And btw I do not have kids. But I was well aware they had kids when I went to stay - as do your guests.

Btw how do you actually know they like a “quiet house”? I wouldn’t like a host deciding to deliberately wake me up if I was sleeping for the sake of it , but if there is just normal household stuff going on or kids being kids in the morning it’s not an issue for me.

As much as I do like my quiet house , it is nice to be in a bustling household with children sometimes. I’m always quite sad to leave as the kids are so much fun!

Oops didn’t mean to quote the whole Op!

I think you need to man up and say 'no' to people who try to treat your home like a free hotel!

I think keeping noise to a minimum early hours is fine, and I would have thought to be encouraged even without guests if you are living in a flat.
But 8am I think is an acceptable time to start your day as normal - 10am is silly, I certainly wouldn't be going wthout breakfast and coffee for anyone!
I think especially in this particular situation where the guest has invited themselves to save money, the ealry starts might make them think twice next time...

Carry on with your life. I wouldn't have let them stay

Don’t let them come back for the other visits you agreed! They are cheeky fuckers! They can get a hotel.

The worst thing that could happen is the couple decide your home is too noisy and decide to book somewhere else for the future. Any remarks from them saying they didn’t realise how noisy children were, just say tell them that’s how children are!

I’d cancel their additional visits and say your plans have changed and it’s not convenient. I’m sure they can afford an Airbnb!

For friends or family visiting, yes I'd absolutely be courteous and reasonably quiet (but that wouldn't extend to feeding my child cookies for breakfast, or not making myself a coffee!)

I'd warn them in advance that the child gets up early and tell them to bring earplugs.

But for people you're not even close to who have invited themselves for their own convenience - of course you shouldn't worry - just go on with life as normal.

(I'm not even sure why they're there in the first place - but each to their own).

As a staunchly childfree woman I wouldn't expect my friends with children to do this. It's their home.

I have to agree with your DH.

You have no obligation to adapt to their lifestyle while they are staying with you, even if they hadn't invited themselves. And absolutely no way should your child have to adapt their normal child like behaviour while they stay.

Carry on as normal, make your morning coffee, let the child play, it's the self invited guests who must adapt.

They have to fit in with you 100%. If they want a long lie and peace they can pay for a hotel.

Why on earth are you letting people that aren't even friends, just former colleagues, invite themselves to your home, not to spend time with you but as a base for sight seeing in a tourist city? And then, to top it all, you make your child keep quiet and out of the way.

You must be the most ridiculous people pleaser I've ever encountered on Mumsnet. No wonder your DH is pissed off!

Cancel the other visits as they aren't working for your family.

I wouldn’t go out of my way to make their stay pleasurable at all. In fact, I’d have my children make as much noise as possible in the hope they’d bugger off and find their own accommodation. You sound like you barely know them, and don’t particularly want them there.

YOU DIDN’T INVITE THEM, remember?

You should perhaps have your child medically sedated so he remains asleep all day.

Do the same to your obviously unreasonable husband.

You are allowed to get up, but only if you wear special noise-reduction slippers, and do not eat, drink, or use the loo,

Surely this is what any decent host would do?

OP, I’ve never heard anything so bloody ridiculous. Is this a wind-up? 🙄

I'd be getting the saucepans and wooden spoons out to play drums.

Gotta be a wind up