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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off school tomorrow after classmate’s seizure?

208 replies

Grey0 · 09/07/2025 20:07

DS (14) had quite a distressing experience at school today and I’m unsure what to do for tomorrow. Would appreciate some thoughts.

On the way back from PE to their next lesson, one of DS’s classmates (not a close friend, just someone in his year group) had a seizure. They were still outside at the time. DS was with a couple of others when it happened. He’s been volunteering with St John’s Ambulance and said he recognised it straight away. He put his jacket under the boy’s head, made sure he was safe etc, but said the boy hit his head as he went down and later cut his lip during a second seizure. Other friends ran to get a teacher and they ended up calling an ambulance.

DS went on to his next lesson after giving his account but he’s come home really quiet and clearly a bit shaken. He’s not normally one for drama or fuss so it’s unusual for him to be this subdued. He keeps going over it in his head and saying he’s not sure if he did enough or did the right thing (even though it sounds like he did brilliantly under the circumstances).

He’s not close to the boy but obviously it was a lot to witness. WIBU to keep him off school tomorrow so he can decompress a bit? Or is that an overreaction? I just feel like he’s still processing it all.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 09/07/2025 23:25

People saying "he shouldn't be doing SJA if he's upset by this" are being ridiculous. He's a child, he's not a seasoned medical professional!
I've seen plenty of Medical Students, trainee paramedics and nursing students break down after (or sometimes during!) an incident, and these are adults. The majority went on to develop their skills, gain confidence and become really capable. OP's DS stayed calm in the moment and remembered his First Aid training. He's allowed a wobble afterwards!
Edit: I don't think a day off school is necessary, but some of these replies are way too harsh

Theroadt · 09/07/2025 23:36

Sounds like he did well. But keeping him off school is madly OTT! Time for some phlegm & resilience.

Mumof1andacat · 09/07/2025 23:44

I would ask if his St johns ambulance trainer could have debrief/ talk with him

MrsEverest · 09/07/2025 23:47

I think it’s better he goes back to school. The feelings he’s experiencing are normal for health care workers and first responders. Honestly it would be more concerning if he were completely unaffected. I’d send him back to school and check in on him regularly over the next few days. If he’s ruminating on it, dreaming about it or avoiding things because of it it will be time to seek help.

In the meantime I’d talk to his contact at SJA, see what they suggest to support him.

I agree many of these replies are clearly from people who’ve never seen someone have a seizure (it’s very confronting the first time) and who’ve never offered help in an emergency.

Ruelzdontapplyhere · 09/07/2025 23:50

My husband has tonic clinic seizures they are very scary to witness.
I'm on edge for days after he's had a seizure.
I find the beast thing to do is keep busy to stop my thinking about it.

Your son did a great job well done. But I'd send him to school to be with his friends and keep him busy.

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 23:51

MrsEverest · 09/07/2025 23:47

I think it’s better he goes back to school. The feelings he’s experiencing are normal for health care workers and first responders. Honestly it would be more concerning if he were completely unaffected. I’d send him back to school and check in on him regularly over the next few days. If he’s ruminating on it, dreaming about it or avoiding things because of it it will be time to seek help.

In the meantime I’d talk to his contact at SJA, see what they suggest to support him.

I agree many of these replies are clearly from people who’ve never seen someone have a seizure (it’s very confronting the first time) and who’ve never offered help in an emergency.

I agree with your bottom point. I’ve had tonic clonic seizures before (I assume this is what OP’s son witnessed) and I saw the look of terror on my partners face and he’s a grown man. They are understandably scary to witness.

kezzykate · 09/07/2025 23:59

I think over reaction but then I used to teach a girl who had seizures frequently so her classmates would have been off all the time. They can look scary though and he did a great job so definitely talk to him about it and help him process. The boy is likely to be absolutely fine.

recipientofraspberries · 10/07/2025 00:01

Agree with others saying that if you've not actually witnessed a tonic clonic seizure, you won't know how disturbing and upsetting it is.

That said OP, I think unless he is really distressed in the morning and clearly not coping for whatever reason, send him to school as normal, with lots of hugs and reassurance.

Amanitacae · 10/07/2025 00:01

Sounds like he did really well. OTT to keep him off though. Life is full of unsettling, sometimes shocking, disruptive events. Unless he is not coping at all, it’s a good lesson in the resilience he’ll need to get back it.

saraclara · 10/07/2025 00:08

I had a pupil who had tonic clonic seizures every 1-2 weeks. The rest of my class would have missed a hell of a lot of school had they taken the day off every time.

Living normally and getting in with life is the way to go. The kid will probably be in school tomorrow, so your DS being off when he wasn't the one who had the medical incident, would be weird, and centering himself, rather than the classmate with epilepsy.

SunnyViper · 10/07/2025 00:15

How to develop needy kids 101.

JMSA · 10/07/2025 00:20

It’s an overreaction on your part but well-done for raising a good lad!

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 10/07/2025 00:43

mynamesnotsam · 09/07/2025 20:12

It sounds like he did brilliantly, but if you keep him off school you're making it into a bigger thing than it is. He'll have a whole day off to ruminate on it. Give him a hug and tell him you're massively proud of him. Tomorrow send him to school as usual so he'll have the distraction of friends and lessons.

Absolutely agree

EBearhug · 10/07/2025 00:53

I'd send him in but let school know he was feeling wobbly about it.

I'd also suggest he talks to his SJA leader - but I thought SJA had a support line for first aiders, because this is an entirely normal reaction. Some of it's an adrenalin come-down, and also thinking about all the what-ifs. It sounds like he did exactly the right thing, but it still takes some processing time.

Hollyhobbi · 10/07/2025 00:53

One of my nephews is 15. A friend of his tragically drowned a few weeks ago. You need to keep things in perspective op.

Snugglemonkey · 10/07/2025 00:56

Yes yabu. I wouldn't keep the child who had the seizure off, never mind someone who helped.

uhta · 10/07/2025 00:57

I think this was a very distressing event for all concerned.

I do think that it would best to send him to school so that he can have the structure and routine to take his mind off what happened. If he’s sitting at home, it may cause him to think about it more. That said, you know your child best. You can easily call him in sick if the school are likely to get pissy about a day’s absence.

simsbustinoutmimi · 10/07/2025 01:05

Snugglemonkey · 10/07/2025 00:56

Yes yabu. I wouldn't keep the child who had the seizure off, never mind someone who helped.

do you have seizures?

as someone who has since childhood, depending on the seizure it can take a couple of days to recover. Longer if injured which thankfully it doesn’t sound like this child was.

Fancycheese · 10/07/2025 01:36

Snugglemonkey · 10/07/2025 00:56

Yes yabu. I wouldn't keep the child who had the seizure off, never mind someone who helped.

Why wouldn’t you keep a child off school after having a seizure?

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 10/07/2025 01:41

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/07/2025 20:10

That would be a huge overreaction. He doesn’t need a day off to ‘decompress’. Reassure him he did a great job and move on.

This
If it was my ds I'd be very proud of him, sounds like he did an amazing job. Listen to him, reassure him, it shouldn't be anything to shy away from and stay home though.
Sorry, but what lesson does that teach? Paramedics can just stay home if it's been "too much" that week for them?

Smartiepants79 · 10/07/2025 06:56

Fancycheese · 10/07/2025 01:36

Why wouldn’t you keep a child off school after having a seizure?

Show quote history

Because it’s mostly not necessary. They have already missed the day of the seizure and if they have the next day off then that’s a lot of missed school. My child was having seizures once a fortnight, sometimes more. 2 days off every time would be detrimental to her education. A good nights sleep and she is usually recovered enough to go to school.

Justwaits · 10/07/2025 06:58

A seizure can be brought on by heat
it’s thirty degrees today where I am
if my child had had a seizure the previous day and it was going to be 30 degrees the following day…. He wouldn’t be going in

however the OP’s son…. Hell yes he’d be going in!

BusyMum47 · 10/07/2025 07:01

TeaandHobnobs · 09/07/2025 20:11

I think your DS did an amazing job! But I wouldn’t keep him home tomorrow - I would email his Head of Year and maybe whoever is responsible for welfare and ask them to check in on him, but I think keeping him home will just allow him to continue dwelling on it, which actually could be counterproductive for being able to process and move on.

100% agree. ⬆️

Amazing job - well done to him - he should be so proud. Try to get him to focus on it from a different angle - he did more than anyone else - he knew how to help - he made it so much better for the poor lad in question, who was lucky he was there.

Weetabix11 · 10/07/2025 07:02

Really wish people would stop judging a child's reaction as "over" or "under". People process situations in different ways. If your DS thinks he needs some time to himself, let him have it.

Please please don't tell him he's overreacting, or to get over it. Teenagers, especially boys, rarely show their emotions. If you don't support him now, next time he's in a situation he needs help with, he's not going to come to you

Justwaits · 10/07/2025 07:08

Weetabix11 · 10/07/2025 07:02

Really wish people would stop judging a child's reaction as "over" or "under". People process situations in different ways. If your DS thinks he needs some time to himself, let him have it.

Please please don't tell him he's overreacting, or to get over it. Teenagers, especially boys, rarely show their emotions. If you don't support him now, next time he's in a situation he needs help with, he's not going to come to you

Op hasn’t remotely alluded to the DS actually wanting time off

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