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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep DS off school tomorrow after classmate’s seizure?

208 replies

Grey0 · 09/07/2025 20:07

DS (14) had quite a distressing experience at school today and I’m unsure what to do for tomorrow. Would appreciate some thoughts.

On the way back from PE to their next lesson, one of DS’s classmates (not a close friend, just someone in his year group) had a seizure. They were still outside at the time. DS was with a couple of others when it happened. He’s been volunteering with St John’s Ambulance and said he recognised it straight away. He put his jacket under the boy’s head, made sure he was safe etc, but said the boy hit his head as he went down and later cut his lip during a second seizure. Other friends ran to get a teacher and they ended up calling an ambulance.

DS went on to his next lesson after giving his account but he’s come home really quiet and clearly a bit shaken. He’s not normally one for drama or fuss so it’s unusual for him to be this subdued. He keeps going over it in his head and saying he’s not sure if he did enough or did the right thing (even though it sounds like he did brilliantly under the circumstances).

He’s not close to the boy but obviously it was a lot to witness. WIBU to keep him off school tomorrow so he can decompress a bit? Or is that an overreaction? I just feel like he’s still processing it all.

OP posts:
Superhansrantowindsor · 09/07/2025 21:42

Total over reaction. He’s 14 not 4.

Calmorchaos · 09/07/2025 21:42

Grey0 · 09/07/2025 20:07

DS (14) had quite a distressing experience at school today and I’m unsure what to do for tomorrow. Would appreciate some thoughts.

On the way back from PE to their next lesson, one of DS’s classmates (not a close friend, just someone in his year group) had a seizure. They were still outside at the time. DS was with a couple of others when it happened. He’s been volunteering with St John’s Ambulance and said he recognised it straight away. He put his jacket under the boy’s head, made sure he was safe etc, but said the boy hit his head as he went down and later cut his lip during a second seizure. Other friends ran to get a teacher and they ended up calling an ambulance.

DS went on to his next lesson after giving his account but he’s come home really quiet and clearly a bit shaken. He’s not normally one for drama or fuss so it’s unusual for him to be this subdued. He keeps going over it in his head and saying he’s not sure if he did enough or did the right thing (even though it sounds like he did brilliantly under the circumstances).

He’s not close to the boy but obviously it was a lot to witness. WIBU to keep him off school tomorrow so he can decompress a bit? Or is that an overreaction? I just feel like he’s still processing it all.

It sounds a bit of an overreaction to keep him at home, yes , but I feel it’s coming from a place of wanting to do right by your son, If he’s home he’s not busy or distracted and will continue to replay it. Getting back to normality would be the best thing for him and speak to the school to see if someone can take him aside for a bit of a chat and a chance to decompress and talk about his feelings.

I would also - as I’m sure you are - really praise him for what he did and make sure he knows how bloody amazing he is! I once witnessed someone have a seizure and I froze ! I knew what I should do , but I panicked and thankfully others were around so they stepped in but I was so scared! It takes bravery at a young age like that to step in and help and you should be so proud of him!

Cheeseplantandcrackers · 09/07/2025 21:43

Stay at home and ruminate or continue with his day?
He did really well but you need to encourage him to focus on what a good job he did and that the boy is okay.
If he is worried about it he should be in school where they can support him.

VWT5 · 09/07/2025 21:43

I would encourage him to write it down if he want to.
On Notes on his compiter pr phone - that he can keep adding to
Maybe in bullet points
It will help him process his thoughts.
there can be a sense of letting go to a degree once it is written out. (IMHE)

I wouldn’t keep him off school, better that he is occupied with other activities.

Pipsquiggle · 09/07/2025 21:44

I would send him in to be with his friends.

A girl in our class had a severe fit in front of us all (turned out she had a brain tumour).

It was very scary. We supported each other over the next days.

Minglingpringle · 09/07/2025 21:44

Overreaction. Don’t teach him that he can’t handle challenging events.

BeachPossum · 09/07/2025 21:44

Well done your DS.

I would send him in and have a word with his head of year or similar to say he's a bit jangled so they can keep an eye. Getting back to normality is usually the best way to move on from things like this. A busy day at school will stop him from dwelling on it.

merrymelody · 09/07/2025 21:47

My DD is epileptic. It has happened that she’s had seizures in public (on the school bus) and would be sympathetic to anyone witnessing a seizure for the first time. What your DS did was entirely correct. You should be proud of him. If he feels like taking a day off to process, he should.

TheDowagerLadyUrsula · 09/07/2025 21:47

You have a level-headed boy who coped well in a crisis. There is absolutely no reason to keep him off school tomorrow and yes, it would be an overreaction.

elliejjtiny · 09/07/2025 21:49

Well done to your ds.

I really wouldn't keep him off though, it's probably better for him to be in school. My ds2 took an overdose during lockdown and after initially helping, then 14 year old ds1 asked to go back to his school zoom meetings. My 12 year old is a frequent flyer at the hospital so he has seen lots of different distressing situations. I find if you explain things to them and stay calm yourself then children find it easier to cope.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/07/2025 21:51

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/07/2025 20:10

That would be a huge overreaction. He doesn’t need a day off to ‘decompress’. Reassure him he did a great job and move on.

Exactly. Especially if he’s in St John’s ambulance.

RitaAndFrank · 09/07/2025 21:51

Well done him, but no, this is over reacting. Imagine if the boy who had the seizure himself went in tomorrow and your ds didn’t?

if you’re going to keep a child home this week for somewhat spurious reasons, I’d save it for Friday’s heat blast!

BogRollBOGOF · 09/07/2025 21:53

Getting back into school will help him adjust and process it better.

Let his pastoral team know he's feeling wobbly to keep an eye out on him.

He did a good job Smile

CurlewKate · 09/07/2025 21:53

He deserves loads of praise. But he also needs to take it in his stride a bit. And part of that is going back to school.

Fromage11 · 09/07/2025 21:55

Hello, I just wanted to say thank you really. My DS has epilepsy, he’s still very young, but one day he will have a seizure at school or walking home or in the park and I just hope that there will be someone like your son there if I can’t be. Watching someone have a seizure is terrifying, it’s not how tv portrays and I totally understand why your son is processing it for a minute. It sounds like he did exactly the right thing. There’s some brilliant videos by Young Epilepsy that explain exactly what’s happening when someone is having a seizure - maybe understanding it a little more would help him process?

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 09/07/2025 21:59

Overreaction to keep him off, he didn’t have the seizure. Agree with PP who say SJ might not be for him if he struggles to get over this.

Motherfluffers · 09/07/2025 21:59

MissSmila · 09/07/2025 20:59

There was a thread years ago about someone who was traumatised because they had failed to save someone’s life. IIRC they could not have done more than they did, but they kept endlessly going over what happened and feeling guilty for not doing more.

I can’t find the thread now but I saved part of one comment because I thought it was helpful.

It said: “The two facts above have become entangled in your memory, thoughts, and combined with 'what ifs' have become a story that involves judging your involvement and actions. Trauma can kind of get us stuck to the point we endlessly cycle through thoughts trying to find a way out, or a reasoning for why we are feeling so bad, when the reason is simply that we've had a traumatic experience.

I hope that makes sense. Your trauma is making you feel bad, therefore your brain tells you there must be a reason for you to feel bad/guilty, therefore you are creating a story in which you are at fault. It probably really feels like you are at fault; but this is a trauma response. It's not an objectively accurate thought or belief.”

Your son has had a shocking experience and he is understandably feeling bad. His mind is looking for a reason to explain how bad he is feeling, and so it is leading him to question if he did enough or did the right thing as an unhelpful way of helping him understand his emotions. He will probably need help to break the cycle so he can understand he did the right thing and that his natural feelings of distress are to be expected and not a sign he did something wrong or did not do enough.

I don’t think it matters if you keep him off or not - I would be led by him. I think it’s more important to help him name his feelings and reassure him that they are a reflection of the horribleness of the situation and not his correctness of his actions.

Excellent post

pilates · 09/07/2025 22:01

I would tell him how proud I was in the way he dealt with it but I wouldn’t keep him off school. We need to encourage resilience.

Booboobagins · 09/07/2025 22:03

@Grey0 You know your DS better than anyone commenting. If you feel he needs time out then give him the option to take a day off.

Honestly everyone's opinion is really just that. They have no idea how your DS is reacting/feeling. He sounds like a lovely young man from what you've said - well done. He also sounds sensitive do might need a bit of distance from school.

It really is your and his call not anyone on here x

gotmyknickersinatwist · 09/07/2025 22:03

It might actually really help him to go into school & talk about it with close friends or a teacher. They may be able to help him see that seizures are a reality for some people & he did well to react the way he did. His instinct was to help so he should be proud of himself for that. Others' perspective can really help with something that seems catastrophic in one's own head.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/07/2025 22:07

Sounds like he did a brilliant job, and the best way for him to move on from it will be to hear that he did a brilliant job.

He already knows you think he did great, but you weren't there, so the best thing for him will likely be positive reinforcement from his friends and peers, which he'll get by going to school.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 09/07/2025 22:12

Massive over reaction. He'll be fine.

JustSawJohnny · 09/07/2025 22:13

It's normal for him to feel a bit rattled but better for him to try to dig deep and crack on, I think.

Too much thinking time could make him feel worse.

Better to praise him for his actions, encourage him to be resilient and shift the focus onto the child who had the seizure. I'm sure they will be feeling rough for a few days, if they picked up injuries.

Flamencosun · 09/07/2025 22:13

blacklabradorsandchilledrose · 09/07/2025 21:01

I think most people posting YABU haven’t witnessed a tonic clonic seizure before. They are brutal, and very frightening and distressing to witness. Even my nurse friends say this!

I’m not sure a day off is the answer - though as others have said, make sure the school are aware so can support him if needed.

Completely agree with this. Everyone saying the child who had the seizure will be back in obviously hasn’t witnessed a tonic seizure. My DB has them and stops breathing, he has to go to hospital every time and stays in for about a week. The confusion lasts for around 3 weeks afterwards. It’s really scary, especially for a child to witness unexpectedly.

Peony15 · 09/07/2025 22:16

Not read whole thread.
But I'm with you instinctivly straight away, gut feeling is always right !
I'd keep my DS off too
for a day to
decompress.
Especially at that age.
Go with your
gut always , well done for him
doing his best
!!