To keep DS off school tomorrow after classmate’s seizure?

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DS (14) had quite a distressing experience at school today and I’m unsure what to do for tomorrow. Would appreciate some thoughts.

On the way back from PE to their next lesson, one of DS’s classmates (not a close friend, just someone in his year group) had a seizure. They were still outside at the time. DS was with a couple of others when it happened. He’s been volunteering with St John’s Ambulance and said he recognised it straight away. He put his jacket under the boy’s head, made sure he was safe etc, but said the boy hit his head as he went down and later cut his lip during a second seizure. Other friends ran to get a teacher and they ended up calling an ambulance.

DS went on to his next lesson after giving his account but he’s come home really quiet and clearly a bit shaken. He’s not normally one for drama or fuss so it’s unusual for him to be this subdued. He keeps going over it in his head and saying he’s not sure if he did enough or did the right thing (even though it sounds like he did brilliantly under the circumstances).

He’s not close to the boy but obviously it was a lot to witness. WIBU to keep him off school tomorrow so he can decompress a bit? Or is that an overreaction? I just feel like he’s still processing it all.

Sounds like your son did well, he used his training, jumped into action and helped his other child. Plenty praise and back to school tomorrow.

if you keep your son off you are making it a bigger hing that it needs to be.

My DS's classmate suddenly died (leucemia) when he was 8. The teacher asked for all kids to come back to school the day after. They drew pictures to the boy's mum, talked, cried. It was really helpful. You need others when in pain. My son got over it pretty quickly thank god. But he understood that even children can die and asks if he's going to die everytime he's sick😔. Fortunately he still believes that mum knows all so it's enough that I say no for him to be reassured.

My Dd is the classmate. She would be back in school the day after a seizure. If her friends had time off every time she had a seizure they’d be missing a lot of school. From experience he’ll process better if he goes and has his friends to talk it through with.
I read an article in a rag newspaper recently about a woman who had been told she had to work from home because her epilepsy was ‘traumatising’ her colleagues. It made me simultaneously furious and so deeply sad.

Honestly, the longer he’s off the bigger deal going back will become. Reassure him that he was brilliant, and encourage him to go in tomorrow.

If he stays at home, it makes it a bigger deal than it is.

If he goes into school he'll see everyone getting on with work just as normal.

FWIW my best friend at school, not known to have epilepsy, had a seizure in front of me at school. It was very upsetting but we all turned up to school the following day and she was back a day later too, perfectly OK.

Back to school tomorrow. Life throws shit at us and as parents we are here to guide them. No pandering.

What does he want/thinks he needs? It’s up to him really. He might want go just go in and keep on keeping on.

Huge overreaction. I can’t believe this is an actual issue tbh. It didn’t happen to him. There is an actual child that experienced this. Why is he making this about himself?

He did what he was trained to do, a day off will feed into the belief that he's been through something traumatic. While it may feel traumatic at the time and in the immediate affermath he'll look back on it as the first time he helped someone in medical need and hopefully feel proud of himself.

Also what would he tell his mates when he goes back, sorry i couldn't come in yesterday because of Dave's seizure? Best get back to normality asap.

This is one of those things where other peoples opinion are useless. You know your son best so only you and he can judge. Some kids would be better to have a bit of time to process on their own, some would be better having their normal routine. See how he is in the morning. Hope the other child is ok.

School attendance officer here i would email his year team and ask them to check in with him but this would be an unauthorised absence at my school

Ps. well done DS!

Your ds’s friend may have reflex anoxic seizures. The person appears dead as the heart stops or goes to an imperceptible beat eg 1 or 2 beats a minute. Listed under childhood ailments as it is more common in young children but can appear at any age.

If this is what your ds’s friend has, I can understand why he’d perhaps be traumatised. They can look different very to epilepsy. The person may have a seizure a little like a tonic clinic epileptic seizure, however they often goes completely white and purple lipped as though dead and can stay unconscious for many minutes and not be able to move or speak for a considerable length of time.

The heart does restart but his friend really needs to be checked over by a cardiologist if this is ringing any bells. There is a teen at my dd’s school, who has them in his sleep and has had a pacemaker fitted. My dd doesn’t have them often. No medication needed. https://heartrhythmalliance.org/stars/uk/reflex-syncope-vasovagal-syncope

As for the op, I’d say no.

That really isn’t important.

Well done for your son for spotting the signs and stopping to help. He should be really proud of himself but I would encourage him to carry on as normal and attend school tomorrow.

I think staying home makes a bigger deal of it all, it will play on his mind all day rather than being at school and being distracted from it. Remind your son that he did a good thing and didn’t need to do more, he did more than enough!

There was a thread years ago about someone who was traumatised because they had failed to save someone’s life. IIRC they could not have done more than they did, but they kept endlessly going over what happened and feeling guilty for not doing more.

I can’t find the thread now but I saved part of one comment because I thought it was helpful.

It said: “The two facts above have become entangled in your memory, thoughts, and combined with 'what ifs' have become a story that involves judging your involvement and actions. Trauma can kind of get us stuck to the point we endlessly cycle through thoughts trying to find a way out, or a reasoning for why we are feeling so bad, when the reason is simply that we've had a traumatic experience.

I hope that makes sense. Your trauma is making you feel bad, therefore your brain tells you there must be a reason for you to feel bad/guilty, therefore you are creating a story in which you are at fault. It probably really feels like you are at fault; but this is a trauma response. It's not an objectively accurate thought or belief.”

Your son has had a shocking experience and he is understandably feeling bad. His mind is looking for a reason to explain how bad he is feeling, and so it is leading him to question if he did enough or did the right thing as an unhelpful way of helping him understand his emotions. He will probably need help to break the cycle so he can understand he did the right thing and that his natural feelings of distress are to be expected and not a sign he did something wrong or did not do enough.

I don’t think it matters if you keep him off or not - I would be led by him. I think it’s more important to help him name his feelings and reassure him that they are a reflection of the horribleness of the situation and not his correctness of his actions.

I think most people posting YABU haven’t witnessed a tonic clonic seizure before. They are brutal, and very frightening and distressing to witness. Even my nurse friends say this!

I’m not sure a day off is the answer - though as others have said, make sure the school are aware so can support him if needed.

I wouldn’t keep him off. I think he did an excellent job spotting the signs of the other boy having a seizure and acting on it immediately. I agree with others to let his form tutor or other relevant teacher at his school know how he feels but keeping him at home may not help him. He understandably feels worried, anxious or shaken by what happened as it was his first time witnessing a real seizure (assumably). Maybe inquire after the boy who had the seizure and if you feel your son would feel better then tell him. Your son is amazing with how he acted. Please let him know how much he helped the boy, which is massively. I have Epilepsy and seizures due to that. I think more people should act as he did, adults included.

But you only witnessed it, you weren't a young first aider doing your best but wondering if you could have done more/better. They're very different things. But that's not to say that I think he should be off tomorrow, I don't.

However to those PPs suggesting he's not cut out for St John's if he's a bit quiet and thoughtful after what to him will have been quite traumatic, I say exactly the opposite. The fact that he immediately recognised it and did something about it says that he will be a very good first aider. This may be the first time he's had to use his training in a real life situation (and unsupervised) but it didn't cross his mind not to help.

Would he like the day off, if so, then yes of course.

This.

Dont keep him off school.

I wouldn't keep him off school, I think it makes it more of an event if you did. Some normality would be better I think.

I'm sure school won't see it like this. As a mum of a son and daughter with epilepsy your son did all he could. Seizures are unpredictable they come out of nowhere you can't always catch them when they fall. I've often not been able to break DS's fall when out and about even though I have hold of him. He prevented further injury to his head and asked someone to get help. As others have said if he's kept home he will just be going over it in his head.

Please don't keep him off school.
He needs routine and normality otherwise he will just keep re livng the incident.
He did exceptionally well!
Well done to your son for staying calm.

I think most people posting YABU haven’t witnessed a tonic clonic seizure before. They are brutal, and very frightening and distressing to witness.Even my nurse friends say this!
Indeed they are distressing, I worked with a lady who had epilepsy for years and they were unpredictable and I ne er goy used to them.
However, I do think the lad should dust himself down, ha e a debrief with mum and carry on rather than dwell on things.

He did a great job and should be proud that his training kicked in so effectively. But he needs to go back in tomorrow, all the others will be talking about what happened and he needs to be part of that conversation both to validate what he did and to prove to himself that he has the ability to respond to situations quickly and appropriately. Maybe he can persuade senior management to set up first aid training for pupils and staff.