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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off school tomorrow after classmate’s seizure?

208 replies

Grey0 · 09/07/2025 20:07

DS (14) had quite a distressing experience at school today and I’m unsure what to do for tomorrow. Would appreciate some thoughts.

On the way back from PE to their next lesson, one of DS’s classmates (not a close friend, just someone in his year group) had a seizure. They were still outside at the time. DS was with a couple of others when it happened. He’s been volunteering with St John’s Ambulance and said he recognised it straight away. He put his jacket under the boy’s head, made sure he was safe etc, but said the boy hit his head as he went down and later cut his lip during a second seizure. Other friends ran to get a teacher and they ended up calling an ambulance.

DS went on to his next lesson after giving his account but he’s come home really quiet and clearly a bit shaken. He’s not normally one for drama or fuss so it’s unusual for him to be this subdued. He keeps going over it in his head and saying he’s not sure if he did enough or did the right thing (even though it sounds like he did brilliantly under the circumstances).

He’s not close to the boy but obviously it was a lot to witness. WIBU to keep him off school tomorrow so he can decompress a bit? Or is that an overreaction? I just feel like he’s still processing it all.

OP posts:
ButteredRadish · 09/07/2025 22:21

Your son needs to learn that life goes on because it has to….

aredcar · 09/07/2025 22:25

No he doesn’t need a day off to decompress. Same thing happened to me in school and I also ended up going with my friend to the hospital after her seizure. It was really scary and stressful. I still went to school the next day- it wouldn’t have crossed my mind not to.

OuterSpaceCadet · 09/07/2025 22:29

I think it's absolutely fine and natural for him to want to think about it. "Distraction" isn't always helpful, often it's good to process emotions at the time, as buried ones can come back when you don't want them to!

That said, I think he'll process what happened much better by going into school tomorrow. It will normalise it somewhat. Maybe there's someone there he could talk to for reassurance that he did the right procedure?

Then after school could you take him out for food or an ice cream or something so he's got your attention if he needs it again?

potenial · 09/07/2025 22:34

I'd personally say send him in, but let form teacher/ pastoral support know how he's feeling. Could he possibly have a chat with some teacher first aiders, or pastoral support in the morning before lessons?

I'd also maybe request that your details are passed onto the parents of the child who had the seizure, and just say 'my son did the initial first aid when yours had the seizure. He's a St John's Ambulance volunteer, but this was his first live experience of giving this first aid. He's been asking for an update on your child, so if you're happy to provide one I could pass onto him I'd appreciate it.'

Missj25 · 09/07/2025 22:37

mynamesnotsam · 09/07/2025 20:12

It sounds like he did brilliantly, but if you keep him off school you're making it into a bigger thing than it is. He'll have a whole day off to ruminate on it. Give him a hug and tell him you're massively proud of him. Tomorrow send him to school as usual so he'll have the distraction of friends and lessons.

Exactly This 👌..
And he’s a great lad so he is …
Hope his classmate is doing ok …

Hazelsticksandwillow777 · 09/07/2025 22:39

No op, he will be better off mulling it over with his mates tomorrow and being distracted by lessons and kicking around a ball etc. Not sat at home ruminating. Best to get straight back on the horse!

Emma6cat · 09/07/2025 22:43

your Son will be fine, don’t raise a snowflake

Simplelobsterhat · 09/07/2025 22:52

Hi OP. I agree with people saying send him in - he'll dwell too much otherwise. But do mention to school he was upset by it in case he does struggle on school or any staff can update him if allowed/ praise him / put his mind at rest. And yes I think worth mentioning to his St Johns leaders as I'd imagine debrief after a first aid incident is something they could do.

Please ignore the people saying St Johns isn't for him or using the word snowflake! He's a 14 year old cadet not a qualified paramedic! Why shouldn't he be a little shocked at what is probably his first experience of a more serious health incident? The fact he followed his training shows the value for him.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 09/07/2025 22:54

He did brilliantly because he knew what to do. he's going over it because learning how to do something would be completely different to doing it in an emergency situation. I hope you do not prevent him going in tomorrow as he will miss out on the chance to chat about it with his peers that were there. That will be a lot better than being at home, possibly ruminating

Mischance · 09/07/2025 22:58

Well done your son.

But tomorrow is another day and he needs to crack on.

changedmyname24 · 09/07/2025 22:59

My son is the one in his class who has seizures. Frequently & despite medication. Never tonic clonics though, which I think is the type you are talking about - with convulsions.

DS' epilepsy is hard enough for us all to come to terms with, but I would feel awful to think that seeing his body do something it has no control over traumatised another child to the point they needed to have a day off. As far as I'm aware, his classmates have not done this & they have had some information on what to do & not to do. They accept it as part of DS & look out for him.

Seventree · 09/07/2025 23:02

I think keeping him off is likely to make the event feel more traumatic in the long run. Instead, I'd call his school and ask them to check in with him during the day. Ask them to let him go home if he's really struggling, but give him the chance to manage his feelings and carry on first.

BallerinaRadio · 09/07/2025 23:04

You making a big deal of it isn't going to help. It's happened, he did well, you've told us all how well he did and we've all said what a good boy, it's over. Just send him to school as normal tomorrow

atamlin · 09/07/2025 23:06

Overreaction. Huge overreaction.

Mandarinaduck · 09/07/2025 23:06

It’s not an overreaction to feel that your DS needs to process what happened, and great that you are sensitive to his needs.
would a day off help him do that? Probably not, unless you were able to arrange the debrief with SJA that some pp have proposed.

SkaterGrrrrl · 09/07/2025 23:07

Well done to your DS. My son is a similar age. I would send him into school rather than try to shield him.

It was upsetting for him, I am sure but kids need to learn to live with some discomfort. It's part of life.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 09/07/2025 23:09

I was a bit older than your DS when I first witnessed a seizure. It hit hard, but like your ds, my first aid training kicked in. I'm in my 50s now and I can still picture it. However, I did just carry on (I was working in an outdoor ed centre). I suspect your DS would get a hero's welcome at school tomorrow. He's done plenty!.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 09/07/2025 23:10

I think it’s an overreaction. Think about how lacking in resilience children are starting to become. I certainly see it as a teacher of 20+ years. He should see it as something upsetting he managed to cope with, rather than something that made him require a day off school. He’s not the ill child.

neverbeenskiing · 09/07/2025 23:10

I work in a school and have witnessed several children having seizures, there is also Epilepsy in my family so I understand how frightening it can be. It sounds like your DS did brilliantly!

I agree with pp saying send him to school but let his HOY know he is still unsettled by what happened and may need to talk about it. Avoiding his normal routine and spending the day at home thinking about the seizure risks making it 'bigger' in his mind.

Your DS needs to know that it is normal to feel shaken when you have witnessed something upsetting. He also needs to learn that these feelings are temporary, and he can cope with them. That's not the same as dismissing the feelings or saying he should just 'get over it'.

Seriously79 · 09/07/2025 23:10

I'd send him in, but maybe call or e mail the school to advise that he's feeling a bit weird about it all.

Fair play to him though, for stepping up!

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 23:12

Bless him. I have seizures and I know how scary it can be for the people who see it- more so than for me, I don’t even remember them.

I think what would be better than keeping him off would be taking him for a treat at the weekend for his bravery and kindness helping out. Means he doesn’t look on yesterday as bad and has something nice to look forward to.

spirit20 · 09/07/2025 23:12

If you keep him off, he'll just spend the whole day thinking about it, and could even start to dread going back to school in case something like that happens. I would send him in.

ManchesterLu · 09/07/2025 23:13

If he's been volunteering with SJA, he needs to learn to deal with these issues. It sounds like he did really well, but he can't have a day off in between every incident he witnesses. If he really genuinely needs this, he probably shouldn't be volunteering for that particular organisation..

EDIT: Sorry, to add, my DP has epilepsy so I do absolutely know how horrible they are to witness!

marveldinos · 09/07/2025 23:14

I'm epileptic and one time my children (both primary aged) needed to help when I had a seizure. They called the emergency services and were fantastic. Admittedly we had prepared them with what to do but they still went into school the next day as it helps them move on. As long as you make school aware what has happened and your child also knows who they can talk to if needed then that's all you really need to do.

DiscoBob · 09/07/2025 23:17

It's obviously not pleasant seeing people having seizures but it does happen in day to day life. I don't think it should warrant a day off school just because someone witnessed it.

I had a couple classmates over the years who had petty mal and grand mal seizures. The school taught us what to do and not to panic etc.

I also have had colleagues who suffer from them. So it will probably happen at some point anyway and it's better to know what to expect.

I think it would be a good idea if the school to teach first aid to everyone and to educate them about epilepsy and other seizure disorders.

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