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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know how school mum does it?

180 replies

snippysnap234 · 09/07/2025 19:48

Mum of 3, works full time (I think) but always looks absolutely FABULOUS and so friendly and outgoing.

i am unorganised and I would love to be more like this.

not sure what I want from this post but just wanted to vent!

OP posts:
jjeoreo · 12/07/2025 20:56

Breadandsticks · 12/07/2025 00:03

The grass is always greener - I’m sure you have traits someone else wants.

I was told I come across like this.

A few close mum friends have told me I came across as very well put together, until you really really get to know me.

I think it’s priorities and personality and lifestyle. And support - we have a village (grandparents and friends) and me and partner are pretty supportive of eachother. And share house roles pretty evenly.

I have 2 kids but these are some small things I’ve mastered and prioritised that probably make me look more put together than I actually am

  • I’ve mastered getting ready in 15 mins - might sound gross but I can do a 5 min shower, 5 min make up (foundation, eyebrows and lips) and my wardrobe is so basic I know the combination of outfits that work. Looking decent is something cultural that I’ve learned from childhood. So I’m up before the kids need me and have mastered getting the baby ready too.
  • Understanding my style - what makes me feel comfortable and what makes me look good - I have so many oversized dresses (because they are easy to put on) and shirts (from needing to feel comfortable breastfeeding) - a combination of any of them tends to work.
  • When I invite people to my house I clean up like mad - my house tends to be a creative mess - toys everywhere - paper - but my partner is super neat and ends up cleaning up after us. We don’t really get surprise visitors, if we did we would be judged!
  • I do so much with my children. Weekends are family days - we spend it all together - a trip to Asda or Tesco ( or whatever/) is always an adventure (it was the only way I could get DD invested when younger and the attitude continues) but we also do free local stuff - and as a family we are so curious and end up involved in all sorts - as in part of lots of WhatsApp groups or helping out here and there - it makes me look busier than I am. If a new shop opens I’m that person that has a chat and asks what it is etc
  • I think I care about boring things more than most - I joined the PTA but because I genuinely wanted to know what was happening at my DDs school and found it interesting - joined my local green club for similar reasons - part of a local craft group - and I can bring the kids along to most.

When my friends pick at the bits of my life that appear perfect - it’s usually the above
“oh you are dressed so nicely”
“oh you get so involved”
“oh you go to so many events”
“oh you know everyone”

Think my family are just curious souls - and we bring the kids along.

I relate to this. Except I'm not particularly well presented. Just the sense of being chatty, wanting to be a parent volunteer and being helpful. I get a kick out of it. Don't think you can fake that.

Chattanoogachoo · 12/07/2025 21:02

PassOnThat · 09/07/2025 20:14

I have come to the conclusion that people like this 'tidy as they go' rather than leaving things to clean up later.

Not only their houses but their lives, their work and their appearances.

I am trying to train myself to become someone who tidies as I go, but it is very difficult.

The one touch system of decluttering is something I aspire to, it really does make sense.

ASheepNamedBagel · 12/07/2025 21:53

@mikado1

06:00: Wake up and head straight into the shower for a quick refresh

06:10 - 06:30: Get dressed (clothes are prepped the night before), do hair and makeup.

06:30 - 06:45: Make a cuppa, sort the kids’ breakfast, and feed the animals.

06:45 - 07:30: Wake the children and get them moving.

07:30 - Open laptop to check the day ahead while the kids potter about. I usually prep the slow cooker around this time (about three times a week); my husband handles dinner on the other days.

08:00: School drop-off, then drive to work.

08:30 - 16:30: Workday.

Evening Routine:

17:00 - 18:00: Back home. Catch up with the children, check homework, and dish up dinner. We eat together with no devices - proper conversation time.

18:00 - 19:00ish: Depending on the day, one of us handles sports clubs while the other takes the dog for a walk.

19:00 - 20:30: Bedtime routine for the children, followed by a cuppa with my husband. I lay out clothes for the next day, have a quick shower, and change into pyjamas.

20:30 onwards: Possibly some ironing (I enjoy listening to an Audible book while doing it – makes it feel more like a hobby).

Around 21:00: Ideally in bed, though if ironing’s on the go, I’ll happily stay up a bit later.

Extras & Self-Care:

I get my nails done every three weeks on a Saturday.

Full-body wax every few weeks on a Thursday evening – my waxer is amazing and gets it all done in 40 minutes.

Hair wash and blowdry happens on Sunday and Thursday nights, so the schedule shifts a little then.

I generally sleep well, have the help of a cleaner, and aside from my hour-long evening dog walks, I don’t do much in the way of exercise.

Borracha · 13/07/2025 05:03

surreygirl1987 · 12/07/2025 18:09

Ooh yes outsourcing! We have a cleaner now.

Can I please ask, how long does your weekly blow dry last? I presume you do your hair yourself mid week?

It looks great for two days. By Wednesday I might run my straighteners over it quickly. Thursday I’ll tie back, and then probably wash it Thursday night.

I have a long bob that sits about an inch off my shoulders and it’s naturally straight so pretty easy to manage.

Iamasentientoctopus · 13/07/2025 05:24

I think we all have easy and difficult seasons in life, and we rarely cross paths with people in the same season. I used to have a great job, was very fit, had my hair done blah blah blah and then my 3 year old became very poorly overnight whilst I was 12 weeks pregnant with my son. I now have a disabled 6 year old and a 3 year old son with emerging SEN. If you had met me 3 years ago you would have thought my life was perfect from the outside, but look where we are now! I get up every day at 4 with at least one kid, spend my time dealing with seizures, ehcps, Sen schools etc. I drop my son at nursery and actually laugh at my own reflection sometimes. This is my hard season. In 10 years time my kids might be easier and someone who has it easy now might be dealing with aging parents, or ill health themselves. Our lives can change dramatically overnight so try to enjoy what you have whilst you have it…even if you look like shit!

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