To not know how school mum does it?

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Mum of 3, works full time (I think) but always looks absolutely FABULOUS and so friendly and outgoing.

i am unorganised and I would love to be more like this.

not sure what I want from this post but just wanted to vent!

Threads like these really piss me off.
it’s women policing other women.

theres always a handful of posters who come on and tell us they get up at 5am, their house is spotless and organised and they leave the house to their high powered job looking immaculate.

I’ve got no problem with that - you do you etc- but making the rest of us feel inadequate is so 1950’s it’s untrue.
As an example: My sister is like this. House and dc and herself are perfect and she’s got a good job. But her level of anxiety is off the wall & I would hate that. Sure, I envy her in some ways ( we are conditioned as females to prioritise this) but I could never be like her and that’s fine. We’re all different but please stop, in 2025, being made to feel like being superwoman is an aspiration.

This.

If someone else’s life makes you feel inadequate that’s on you, got nothing right do with another woman who’s just living her life as she sees fit.

Exactly! No need to bring other women down just because you feel bad about yourself.

I think some people are just very organised and don’t mind being on the go all the time (actively enjoy it infact). I like to lie down. I don’t hold it against anyone, I wish I had a bit more get up and go but good for you if you manage all that.

Absolutely- life feels far too short. Though we have a new neighbour and she washes her front step most morning with a mop and bucket - it looks great but no way would that be on my list.

I think being an early bird is helpful to appearing organised. (It’s not a moral judgement as I know those threads can get heated I just think it looks like you’re more organised.)

@HodgemollarI don’t feel inadequate at all! But the OP wanted to know how a woman managed it. I was merely pointing out that that men don’t get that kind of judgement. Also I wasn’t being critical of how other people live their life but you misunderstood my point.

@tumblingdowntherabbithole. Do please tell me how I’m bringing other women down? Also, how do you know if I feel inadequate or not? Bit of a reach there!

I never said you did - in fact, I didn't even mention your name - it was a general comment in agreement with the PP.

@ actually you did. You commented on my post!

No - I commented on @Hodgemollar 's response to your post.

I was being flippant! The thread seemed to me to be one of amusement as the OP said they just wanted to vent. For what it's worth I wash my skirting boards once a year (ish) when I do a spring clean. And we all drop a few balls now and then don't we? We're all human. I applaud anyone who has their life fully together and always looks fabulous 👏

A few of my school mum friends have said similar, I work full time in a fairly senior role, doing a degree through work, have 2 kids 8 and 4, am training for the London marathon and trying to move! I think it is what a pp said, I was like this before I had kids. It drives DH mad, but I am a 'whats next?' person and always looking to do something.

I have quite low self esteem so my worth is tied up in 'things' I can achieve to make me feel better.

Not saying your friend is like this at all, but this is my take on it! I do arrange playdates as a way of cleaning my house though... Am coveting the day we earn enough to have a housekeeper, am rubbish with housework!

It was a genuine question. I don't do snarky questions unless someone has posted something truly egregious.

Just done the school run with DGS ,who stayed over last night. I had a quick shower and did my hair before bed,it was so hot . So a quick brush through and layer of tinted moisturizer with an SPF of 30, sunglasses and I was good to go. I didn't need to leave the car,he's 14

Tidy as they go.
Super organised.
Know when to take a short cut and do.
Prioritise looking well in small but consistent ways.
Insist their children pull their weight in small but very helpful ways.
Have a cleaner at least once a week to do the loos, floors etc.
Manage laundry firmly with no child throwing stuff in every 5 minutes.
Being "mean" with laundry is a game changer.
One towel per person per week is an example of this. Avoid heavy cottons.
Slow cooker dinners a few days a week with short cut meals other days.
Use the freezer to stock pile emergency fast meals.
The above takes ruthless self discipline.

Organisation. I have a friend who has three kids works etc. She’s up at 5am most mornings to get her run in while her husband is still at home, gets herself showered and dressed before her kids wake up. Uniforms out night before, lunches also packed.
Her house is always immaculate too. She has a ‘one in one out’ policy. So if she gets a new top she gets rid of one. Gets a new cushion gets rid of one. She doesn’t put things down she puts it away. Crucially, her husband is super tidy too, and her kids are either like that or have been trained to be! My son went over in a play date once and the boy was like ‘why is he taking my toys out’!
She also doesn’t really relax. I think the thought of sitting down scrolling through Mumsnet for a few minutes is as foreign to her as me going for a run at 5am.

I think the pp above who said she got bored and never sat and scrolled her phone probably has the answer. I would MUCH rather sit and do nothing - I do the things that need doing, but I don't clean my skirting boards (admittedly I do have a cleaner that might give them a wipe every so often.. I've never checked) or have hair extensions.

I am quite organised with school stuff though - which I do by responding to forms/requests to pay things/party invites straight away - the minute they come in the house they are dealt with. And then things are put in to our Google family calendar - non-uniform days, TD days, school trips, deadlines for things. If anything needs doing (providing things for the school fete/finding bits for a costume etc) I set myself reminders to sort that a few days before its needed.

Well, exactly!

I spend on average 3h in front of the TV or phone in the evening. I work FT, have 2 DC, my house is tody but I look far from amazing.
Someone not as lazy as me would have every day 1h for grooming/thinking about a fabulous outfit, 1h to exercise and 1h to prep for the next day (lunches, school bags, outfits, checking homework, etc etc). So I would look amazing and be all calm and relaxed thanks to my wonderful organisation.
If only.

Controversial, especially on MN, but I think ‘easy going kids’ don’t come through luck.

I have neither money nor a support network, but I’m not sure you need them if you invest time and effort in bringing up nice kids.

Agree with all of this, apart from that it takes ruthless discipline 😂

It’s about building the infrastructure and then it all just becomes habit. Small things but consistently.

Agree HEARTILY about the laundry. I can’t believe how much washing people with fewer kids than me have! If it’s not dirty, wear it again.

I've got 3 little ones and work part time. My support network is limited to say the least and I've only just started to be kinder to myself that I'm doing my best and that is good enough. Me, the kids and the house can't all look good. Usually only 1 of the 3!

The grass is always greener - I’m sure you have traits someone else wants.

I was told I come across like this.

A few close mum friends have told me I came across as very well put together, until you really really get to know me.

I think it’s priorities and personality and lifestyle. And support - we have a village (grandparents and friends) and me and partner are pretty supportive of eachother. And share house roles pretty evenly.

I have 2 kids but these are some small things I’ve mastered and prioritised that probably make me look more put together than I actually am

• I’ve mastered getting ready in 15 mins - might sound gross but I can do a 5 min shower, 5 min make up (foundation, eyebrows and lips) and my wardrobe is so basic I know the combination of outfits that work. Looking decent is something cultural that I’ve learned from childhood. So I’m up before the kids need me and have mastered getting the baby ready too.
• Understanding my style - what makes me feel comfortable and what makes me look good - I have so many oversized dresses (because they are easy to put on) and shirts (from needing to feel comfortable breastfeeding) - a combination of any of them tends to work.
• When I invite people to my house I clean up like mad - my house tends to be a creative mess - toys everywhere - paper - but my partner is super neat and ends up cleaning up after us. We don’t really get surprise visitors, if we did we would be judged!
• I do so much with my children. Weekends are family days - we spend it all together - a trip to Asda or Tesco ( or whatever/) is always an adventure (it was the only way I could get DD invested when younger and the attitude continues) but we also do free local stuff - and as a family we are so curious and end up involved in all sorts - as in part of lots of WhatsApp groups or helping out here and there - it makes me look busier than I am. If a new shop opens I’m that person that has a chat and asks what it is etc
• I think I care about boring things more than most - I joined the PTA but because I genuinely wanted to know what was happening at my DDs school and found it interesting - joined my local green club for similar reasons - part of a local craft group - and I can bring the kids along to most.

When my friends pick at the bits of my life that appear perfect - it’s usually the above
“oh you are dressed so nicely”
“oh you get so involved”
“oh you go to so many events”
“oh you know everyone”

Think my family are just curious souls - and we bring the kids along.

I’m convinced she probably has a cleaner, and her job requires her to look very well groomed. Without that demand she’d probably be in pyjamas!