To not know how school mum does it?

[snippysnap234]

Mum of 3, works full time (I think) but always looks absolutely FABULOUS and so friendly and outgoing.

i am unorganised and I would love to be more like this.

not sure what I want from this post but just wanted to vent!

Or just terrified. I was dismissive of my friends perfect sister, perfect house, perfect life until I realised that it was all to keep him happy and quiet. The alternative, such as when she left a spoon in the sink, was not pleasant.

My neighbour works, is absolutely slim/beautiful /Hubby handsome !2 school age DC also well turned out .House immaculate! I dont know ,it's not really a race though ,is it? This is what worries me .Women are always supposed to be working even PT. keeping all balls in air.Some of us lesser mortals struggle to match these ideals! I think if you are happy and healthy, with DC all fed none dead then who really cares at the end of the day.

I think in majority of cases it is down to whether that person figured out what works for them long before kids arrived. I have quite an elaborate skin routine but I've been doing it for almost 15 years now, and I found a way for it to fit seamlessly into my day and it does not take a lot of effort to remember about it.

You’re spot on.

Op could be describing me when my dc were small. I’m incredibly organised by nature and (had) boundless energy.
I was the mum who was always on time, remembered every tiny detail and had an immaculate house/appearance.

I'm a bit different at 54 😂
Still organised and well presented but definitely slower and way less dynamic & dazzling than I was!!
I look back and remember just having so much energy and drive, I don’t miss it though.

I do think this is true - some people are just higher functioning. A bit like some people are smarter…

How are your skirting boards though?

Or maybe she’s just organised, well-put together and capable.

I know a couple of women like this. I've come to the conclusion that some people are just higher functioning than others! Just as some people are cleverer/prettier/kinder/whatever. It's fairly rare for it all to coincide, but good for her. Does make me feel a bit shit sometimes, though!

Personally I feel I'm failing on every level and the house is about a day away from complete chaos ALL the time. There are so many things that would help me get my shit together, but that's not to say anyone else has all those in place. Standards have already gone WAY down here (on a continuous spiral as adult life has become more and more of a challenge). All I can do is keep trying, as once I stop trying it'll be curtains.

Guess I'm just naturally cheerful and fabulous! 🤣🤣

Some people are just very capable and enjoy being busy.

I like a quiet life with a slow pace and plenty of time for loafing. I am not interested in style/beauty/fashion so I don’t spend time on grooming. I was usually fairly organised with kids’ stuff, but still would sometimes forget non-uniform days and things like that. But I was always at sports days and plays and went in to hear kids read when mine were in reception. I ‘showed up’ for them- but with messy hair 😂 My house is always clean and tidy but that’s only because I get anxious if it isn’t- I’m not trying to impress anyone.

I am neither impressed nor unimpressed with women who are super capable and busy. They are (hopefully) living how they want to and so am I. Neither of us is doing it right or wrong. Neither has more virtue than the other.

I think it’s priorities to an extent…
I much admire my sister, she is always beautifully turned out exercises, has good taste, high standards, a beautiful home and a good job.
Sometimes I think I could be like that, but my priority list is slightly different… I work on my feet all day rather than sitting in an office, I walk kids to school, walk the dog and do stuff in the garden…. So adding extra exercise to this isn’t a priority for me.
No one would notice particularly if I was well dressed, I always tie hair out of the way at work, wear scrubs, so want to look ok but fashion/hair/makeup just not a priority.
I do basic housework but accept that our home will always be cosy/lived in rather than immaculate, this is not a priority for me.
I don’t iron most clothes (my sister irons her bedding) just not a priority for me
i spend a lot of time at the football side lines, i like cooking from scratch and run a book group. We see a lot of family and go camping a lot.

I adore and admire my sister but we are different people, I think it’s important not to compare or try to be anyone else. It’s having the confidence to be yourself.

I don’t have children, so maybe this doesn’t count, but I’m on the go from the minute I open my eyes at 5ish every day and apart from meals and the odd ten minute doom-scroll with a cup of tea. I would much rather put on a podcast and tidy than sit down. I’d rather go for a run, or teach myself to knit than watch tv. I cook from scratch every day because I enjoy it. DH is very similar, it wouldn’t be unusual to find him stood on the roof cleaning the attic window on a Sunday morning. We have lots of active hobbies that we do separately and together. Holidays for us are not relaxing by most people’s standards.

I’m on school holidays just now (teacher) but I still got up at 5am, made a cake and started my sourdough because I have friends coming for brunch. My house is already gleaming because we broke up on Friday, but I’ve pottered around looking for bits to give a quick wipe/clean, getting in DHs way as he tried to get out the door for work. Then I went for a run. I’m now showered and dressed and sitting eating homemade muesli in an immaculate house, my friends are due at half 10. I’m going to decorate my cake, mow the lawn and prune the garden.

I’ve always been this way, even as a student, I used to irritate my flatmate with my early morning activities and constant organisation and moving around. My parents were similar, so maybe it’s just learned behaviour. I’m perfectly happy, although it does seem to annoy people, so I just keep quiet about it.

Some people just definitely have more natural energy/need less sleep - I am not one of them lol! I’ve also never understood when people say they “can’t sit still and relax” but it’s definitely the case for some people.

I don’t wash my skirting boards but I dust them very regularly. I’m a very untidy person who isn’t house proud particularly but I hate it when they are dusty and it’s something I always notice in other peoples houses.

What does childcare while you’re in work have to go with getting ready for the day?
I can’t say I know a single person who has time to bring their kids to nursery to then come home and get ready before going to work.
Women whose children are in childcare still get ready around their kids in the mornings. That’s fairly obvious.

Maybe she is - my list wasn't meant to be exhaustive. In reality though, 'well put together and capable' does often rely on support for others, we do need to stop denying that tbh.
However the main point of my post was really to remind folk not to compare, because it only makes us feel bad.
I remember someone saying to me how 'my life was so sorted out and that she admired me', yet she really didn't know anything about me other than what she saw when she bumped into me. I didn't have any local family support, other than DH, and so I really did have to decide what was important and focus on that - that maybe made me look more organised than others, but there were other things I just bowed out of completely (lots of social events, for example) as I just didn't want to direct my available energy toward that. I also had an acquaintance who always looked good, worked hard, had decent kids and so on, but she admitted that she was so obsessed with a clean house that she'd get back out of bed in the middle of the night just to clean, or that when she started eating sweet cakey things she always overindulged (to scary levels). Those things were never a problem for me, but, equally, I didn't always look as well presented as her or had as nice a car etc. We are all different. That's ok.

I dust mine too, and also try to wipe any marks off walls with washable paint etc. It doesn't take long tbh.

So trad wife then? Go you. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

🙄

I’m like this.

as others have said I tidy as I go.
I wash my hair in the night before and dry shampoo if required in the morning

I wipe down the sink, toilet every time I’m in there, the kitchen sides, the windows every couple of days, quick dust as I walk around the house most days

robot hoover on each evening,

wash the dishes as soon as the family have finished eating,

at least one load of washing a day,

I do face masks and nails etc while watching tv with a wine,

I walk the children to school then run the way home or I take the children in the car and run home and run back and pick the children up in the car,

one day a month I’m absolutely scrubbing the hell out of my house which is literally 10 hours of music on and cleaning like crazy.

I meal plan and batch cook - chest freezer is my best friend

I take the children to every club, maybe answer emails etc while watching, meal prep menu while there, read a book, message friends

luckily all my friends have children the same age so we always meet up with the children and do fun things together so I see my friends that way as none of us can be bothered with going out properly unless it’s a birthday which we tend to do once a month and do joint birthdays of friends in the same month.

I have a cupboard full of random gifts , birthday presents, cards and wrapping paper for children’s friends birthdays

not to be crude but me and DH have as much sex as possible to keep those endorphins going

There’s nothing about having a clean house and being well presented that makes a woman a trad wife.

God what is with all the vipers on this thread.

So many really don’t want women to excel in any area of their life, do then?

@Morgenrot25 I just get a bit fed up of all the assumption that someone who appears to be “on it” must either have a shit time of it at home or must have a ton of support behind them.

Some people are just more organised than others. Just like some people are better singers, or runners, or are better at maths.

You're right that comparison is pointless but we also shouldn’t be bringing other women down by assuming they’re lives somehow shit and they’re just good at hiding it.

Some people just have their acts together. I know a friend like this, she has 5 kids, the last ones were twins, works full time as a social worker, husband also works full time and travels once a month. Their house is immaculate, kids all doing well, she’s well put together, they’re immigrants so have no family to help so they pay for childcare, etc. the twins will be starting secondary school soon so she’s done the hardest part but herself and her DH are just a good team. They are both hands on. Her husband is a coach as well in their kids club, etc. They’re just a lovely and happy people and always helping others.
I also try my best with my 3 kids, DH and I work full time and pay for childcare as have no family help either but day to day can still be a struggle but we have calendars, reminders, etc for key things so we never forget. on the school run, I may look all put together but as I’m on my way to and from work, what other alternative do I have and on days I’m wfh, I put clean clothes on as normal. We’ve never had help with the kids so we’ve structured our lives that way. There’s a 5 year age gap between each of our 3 because we know we have to be able to manage this all on our own and over the years, everything has just found its place. If you come to my house, you’ll see it’s clean but that’s because we’ll tag and clean if we’re having visitors but on a day to day basis, just the normal clean and tidying is done. I wish I could do more, I wish I can have more help and more energy but that’s life really.

You are you and that is great. You don't have her energy, support system, personality etc. She is not better/more valuable than you. Don't put yourself down. Making little changes a bit at a time, working with who you are is fine. Trying to do too much too soon will only lead to "failure" (being You not failing)

I am nowhere near this woman but work full time and am doing well in work. Another coworker mum asked how I balance work, get so much done etc with kids at home and I joked that I have a wife. My DH is a stay at home parent and very house proud.

Yes the joke feeds into patriarchal, repressive narratives, no I don't think just women are carers/ cleaners as demonstrated by the fact my husband takes the brunt of it.

What this role reversal has taught me is how easy it is to be the put together family man while still nailing it at work when you know the home is being kept together. I don't have to take days off when the kids are sick, I can go on last minute work trips, stay late, come early etc.

Why do you feel the need to chuck insults at someone that has their shit together?