To not know how school mum does it?

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Mum of 3, works full time (I think) but always looks absolutely FABULOUS and so friendly and outgoing.

i am unorganised and I would love to be more like this.

not sure what I want from this post but just wanted to vent!

This.

The same? He is Italian so is an amazing cook thanks to his wonderful mother. he does all hoovering as less face it the robot hoover is not the best, if i cook he washes up and visa versa, does his fair of the washing, takes the children out on his own and with me, he has never once stayed home while I take the children out for a break, he does all the gardening and car cleaning. He plays with the children every opportunity, does plenty of betimes, gets up early some mornings and me on other mornings to sort out the children just depends if he’s here or not as leaves early for work. Takes days off work for school events, works overtime so he has extra leave to take off in the summer holidays to look after the children. I’ve never done the bins, cleaned a drain, cleaned a plug hole, he’s disposed of many spiders, he makes the beds, watches rom coms with me, buys lots of gifts that he think the children will like throughout the year for their birthday and Christmas, is very tidy and makes me laugh all the damn time. So I’d say he does his fair share

Agree, I think a lot of people underestimate how big an impact a routine can have. We put a lot of effort in organizing our life so that we spend as little time on housework as possible, especially during the weekends. We generally have evenings and weekends free as everything is done during the week.

Money. Outsourcing. Personal shopper that puts together outfits for them.

Some people say this about me.

I do prioritise making myself up so I get up a bit earlier to make sure I have time to do it and do a routine that takes minimal amount of time.
I don’t wear loads of make up or spend hours on my hair but little things like earrings take me seconds to put on and makes a big difference.
I personally do it because I struggled with my MH and it helped me to be well groomed.

I find though if I have a week off, I seem to struggle to keep up with things from grooming to housework etc.

They say if you want something done, ask a busy person and I believe that because I find the busier I am, the more I seem to be able to do it all.

I have to be very organised and get things done, else everything would crash. I have no father in the picture or support system.

I also don’t have SM or go on my phone much (apart from MN) and I do think that makes a huge difference.

@Jesswebster01 what does your partner do re household chores etc?

I always tidy as I go, didn't drop any balls.DH 1950s born so didn't do housework (he does now he's retired) didn't outsource anything,tried a couple of window cleaners, they were awful.4 DKs, plus looked after every one of my 6 now gkds at some point, plus friends 4 kids after school. I worked mostly ft, but a twilight shift first, then nights. Maternity leave in the 70/80s was 6 weeks after birth. You had to be organised.

Something I’ve noticed and taken on board from women who I see who look fabulous all the time is that they aren’t often made up.

Doing things like dying your eyebrows, getting your teeth whitened, and taking good care of your skin and hair mean you can just leave the house looking good. For my hair I have silk bonnet that I sleep in and yes I look silly, but it makes it last way longer (2 + days). That massively cuts my getting ready time. I also dye my eyebrows at home (which takes some trial and error but I have it perfect now). Teeth whitening was a game changer for me as well. I got it done as a quitting smoking gift to myself and got so many compliments, but people couldn’t put their finger on what I’d actually done. I wish I had whitened my teeth sooner because the confidence it gave me was definitely a game changer.

I absolutely love threads like this, reading in the hopes I'll subconsciously absorb some proactivity.

My god how I wish this was me. I however am chronically indecisive, love to procrastinate and before I can even contemplate doing anything I absolutely must write it down so that I can tick it off my list. Oh but at least Im very self aware 😂

I think what the poster said about 'tidy as you go' sort of person, but applied to all areas of life is spot on. This mum is probably a brilliant decision maker, does things immediately if it takes less than 5 mins, plans ahead, etc. She is also most likely very well rested, has good sleep, eats good food that sustains her energy, has positive and motivating people around her and good support network.

There is also definitely something in 'getting ready for the day'. I have 2 under 2 so very rarely wash my hair in the morning, let alone look put together. However I KNOW if I did this, my day would be infinitely better because I would feel more capable, approachable and open to whatever the day has for me. When I roll out of bed and throw on an old pair of leggings, which is most days, the day is a drag as I feel like Im already one step behind.

Right, off to fill my to-do list with 5 minute jobs that I could do in the time it takes me to add them to the list... 😬

@Nannyfannybanny when did you sleep if you worked nights and looked after kids/grandkids during the day? Can’t imagine asking my DM to do childcare if she worked FT, she would be doing more than me

He will help but he's more great at D.I.Y so does alot of building in our house and fixing things I will ask hin to do things like take the bins out. But everything is normally done by the time he gets up so nothing really needs doing. But if I ever asked him to do something he would do it. Like others have said alot of it is organisation and routine but I think mainly I just get bored too easily also by time kids ar up everything is done and they get my full attention

Crumblingschools. You asked when I slept, at first, I just crashed out in my uniform on the sofa while the babies napped. Went back to work breastfeeding (no fancy pumps then expressed by hand) when the youngest was 2 I worked Monday, Tuesday,no sleep in-between, and Friday. I never slept much, even when I progressed to 5 nights a week (less hours in the night shift) I only managed to sleep 3 hours.my I looked after my first dgd, when son and wife did a late shift after I got up. Then very occasionally his 2nd DD. My first dgd was born a year after my youngest, they grew up together, like siblings. I collected my friends 4 after school, and had them a few hours,till her or her h got home from work. Was planning on retiring, got the almost seaside bungalow..DH came home from work one day, his company had liquidated.so i carried on working ft.my DD relationship had broken up, DWP said she had to go to work, I worked in a job hospital about 5 miles from her house, went straight there after the Nightshift,looked after the kids, then took them to nursery and school. Went to bed in the afternoon when she came home.

First grandson was born a year after my last DD. I also at 2 points looked after my terminally I'll DM and then F, straight after a night shift.. I was brought up on the "if you want something done,ask a busy person"". and the" a stitch in time saves nine"don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today, because tomorrow never comes"..I didn't come from a family where the women didn't go out to work. Even my gran born in 1900 went out to work.

Haha, I’m not sure if this is a genuine question 😂

I’m not being smug - it just annoys me when a woman has her shit together and people say she must have loads of support.

As if we couldn’t possibly do it on our own?

I do have someone come in to clean once a week for 2 hours but other than that I don’t have any help whatsoever.

It’s about being organised but also not doing everything for your kids. Expect them to do chores. Don’t overburden them or yourself with loads of after-school activities. Have house rules. Have your own hobbies and make sure they respect that. Make meals from scratch but don’t make it complicated. Don’t do unnecessary housework (like loads of ironing). Exercise little and often rather than taking 2 hours out of your day.

Basically, chill out!

This.

Im a do-er. I work FT, manage kids, a sick husband and multiple volunteer roles. My house is fine but im
not a matyr to it.

You get people who say “oh no I can’t help
at sports day, I need that day off for my housework”.

some people just can’t do as much as others. Whether that’s due to limited physical energy, emotional balance or cognitive ability to multi task.

She literally says “after work” in the post

People used to say my life was organised like a military operation. You could set your watch by me.night or day, I can tell you the time within 10 minutes. I didn't plan on returning to work after my last baby, but complicated nasty divorce,house repossession.started out middle aged with nothing. It simplified the days, working nights. I never missed a sports day, parents evening, and was on hand if the kids were sick. My late parents were working ft when my older dks were born, and unfortunately dieing with the last.

People just have different energy levels, and different ideas of what is 'normal' in terms of self-presentation and social engagement.

I've never not worked FT before or after becoming a parent, so that's not in any way weird to me, especially as my job is hugely important to me, plus enjoyable, and I don't find general friendliness a chore, so that's not any kind of drain on my energy. I don't consciously put any particular energy into how I present, but in the days when I did the school run on the way to work, I would have been dressed for the working day. If you don't work, and doing the school run in leggings and a hoodie is your 'normal', then I might look 'well-presented'.

On the other hand, I could also compile a list as long as your arm of things other people find easy peasy that I struggle with.

I do think some people are do-ers, and thrive on being that. I work with someone who is like that.Not sure what her house is like, but she has 3 important roles, plus a challenging family life. I have a similar role to one of hers and not such a challenging family life. I would be broken if I had her 3 roles, but she sees it as a challenge and certainly seems to thrive on it. Maybe she couldn't cope if she didn't have many balls to juggle, whereas I can't cope if I have too many to juggle

I think children having chores and not doing everything for them is key as well as having a partner that is fully participating in household chores. If you need to clean after other people as well then it's going to be hard to keep on top of anything and have some time for yourself.

Yep - I have dropped that ball too :-)

I love being busy and having projects and thrive on it but it’s a nightmare if I have to stop as it’s a precision juggling act. I have a friend who doesn’t do 20% of what I pack into a day and she is tired but we all have different energy levels.

I don’t need much sleep and I hate my brain not being active even my holidays have a learning element to them.

But we all prioritise differently- I look clean and tidy but I couldn’t be arsed with a full face of makeup and hair extensions but I think I do not need them and don’t want to waste time on it as it is not important to me but it’s the first thing a poster above highlighted as she values it.

Focus on your own goals and plans OP and just have friendly chats with the lady and see if you can learn anything from watching what she does?

@Poppins21 I used to wash the bits of skirting board I could see if we had visitors staying (couple of times a year!) Now can’t even be arsed to do that!

This. A friend has FOUR kids which sounds like hell to me. But her kids are very easy going - they all eat anything given, not one of them is a fussy eater. All of them slept and still sleep very, very well.
And all of them are very, very good at independent play. These 3 things really do impact your life. my 2 kids are the fussiest as hell eaters, worst sleepers and are highly intensely Velcro kids - I’m miserable.

I have no support network so am currently looking for a nanny to relieve me of being a sahm.

I think it's partly nature partly nurture! My parents would stress over small things and I think had their priorities wrong, so there's probably an element of me rejecting that.