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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
youreactinglikeafunmum · 09/07/2025 18:16
Ego Nwodim Girl GIF by Saturday Night Live

Jealousy is a disease, I'm so sorry 😭

Vive your SIL 🙌

AntikytheraMech · 09/07/2025 18:17

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

Good for them!

Kitchenbattle · 09/07/2025 18:18

If they are happy then it’s of no concern to you, I don’t see the issue. Just because they have no dc doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have a 3bed house. I have 2dc (50%of the time) and I have a five bed house, one room is my office and the other room is my DP’s den/mancave. I can’t see how that has an impact on anybody else.

kimbear87 · 09/07/2025 18:18

YABJ

Hellomeee · 09/07/2025 18:19

Leave them alone if you can't be happy for them. They love how they want to, up to them.

Notreallyme27 · 09/07/2025 18:19

Why does she need to get a job? Just because you say so? You sound nasty and jealous and completely dismissive of her health issues.

BreezyPeachGoose · 09/07/2025 18:19

They seem to have a great balance and sound happy, not everyone wants kids, a job, a career. They've carved their niche in this crazy world

LadyGAgain · 09/07/2025 18:20

It’s not odd to have spare rooms in your 40’s! For some their kids will have flown the nest and for others - like your bro - no kids but they can afford to have more space. I’m sorry you’re stuck in the awful mgmt of the NHS. I have every sympathy but your irritation is misplaced.

SpicyMarge98 · 09/07/2025 18:20

Wow you are SO JEALOUS

stop hating and go live the life YOU WANT and stop judging her for living her life!!

Why the fuck does she not deserve her own little study?!
Should she say oh @Nurseamy87 doesn't have these things so I best not have them either...go live your own life and don't comment on hers again especially not to your brother as its HIS life too!!

Cutleryclaire · 09/07/2025 18:20

‘Inexplicably live in a three bedroom house’. It’s hardly a mansion. If you want bigger rooms downstairs you’ll end up with more bedrooms upstairs to mirror the downstairs footprint.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/07/2025 18:21

Ah, sounds like a lovely marriage, financially secure, studying, nice home, lucky dog.

Why is it any of your business.

beetr00 · 09/07/2025 18:21

@youreactinglikeafunmum

FAB U LOUS, love it

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 09/07/2025 18:21

I smell a reverse

Yogabearmous · 09/07/2025 18:22

It’s their choice and she is staying home while her DH works - lots of couples do this.
I know it can be hard to see this when you work long hours and are desperate for a break, but holding contempt for her won’t solve anything

SharpLily · 09/07/2025 18:22

You are definitely jealous and you also clearly don't like your SIL. You've tried to talk to your brother about this 'craziness'? How on Earth did you think that was your place to do? Particularly given that you admit he's happy. Unbelievable.

mynameiscalypso · 09/07/2025 18:22

It wouldn’t be a life that I would want but there’s nothing inherently crazy about their life, especially if your SIL has health issues. I’d be concerned that she had arrangements in place re pension but that’s it really.

Meadowfinch · 09/07/2025 18:22

How is it any of your concern. Your brother and his wife have a life that suits them and that is all that matters. They are happy.

You do you. And try not to be so jealous.

temzy · 09/07/2025 18:22

This reply has been deleted

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ohfook · 09/07/2025 18:23

To be fair I’m incredibly jealous of your sil after just reading this post, I’d be insane with envy if I knew her. Good for them though - good for anyone that manages to build life that they’re happy with and can ignore other people’s judgement.

Isimplywaited · 09/07/2025 18:23

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 09/07/2025 18:23

Their setup sounds great, I’m happy for her that she gets some time out to manage her health issues.
you sound very bitter and jealous OP tbh. If your job is causing you misery, maybe focus on your way into another career rather than what other people are doing?

MaJoady · 09/07/2025 18:24

I lived in a three bed house on my own in my twenties. I didn't even work from home back then.

I could afford it and I wanted to. Why not?

Overthebow · 09/07/2025 18:24

You sound very jealous. They can obviously afford for her to stay home so why shouldn’t she if they are both happy with it? And lots of us do have a room for an office or hobbies, that isn’t unusual.

thisist · 09/07/2025 18:25

Get a grip. Jealousy is so ugly! It has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are one of these people who believes everyone should be miserable and tied to a 40 hour work week until you retire at 68.

Some people actually want to enjoy this very short life we have. And live it on their own terms. I salute anyone who manages to do this.

You sound awful.

youreactinglikeafunmum · 09/07/2025 18:25

SharpLily · 09/07/2025 18:22

You are definitely jealous and you also clearly don't like your SIL. You've tried to talk to your brother about this 'craziness'? How on Earth did you think that was your place to do? Particularly given that you admit he's happy. Unbelievable.

There are so many women like this, who will try to turn your husband against you because you don't work!

Terrifying genre of woman

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