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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
Coolpotatoface · 09/07/2025 18:35

Jealousy is not a good look op. Why do you want her to be as miserable as you? Good on her for living her life the way she wants it.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 09/07/2025 18:35

I agree full time dog mum sounds a bit nutty but she is actually studying so it's not as if she's at home painting the dogs fingernails and giving him massages. She's a student. Your brother is happy to support this. They can afford it. It all sounds great! Especially if she started working from a younger age and missed out on time at university in her early twenties, why shouldn't she make up for it now.
Try not to be jealous, try to see it as just different from you.

CoralOP · 09/07/2025 18:36

Oooffff that was dripping in jealousy and venom.
I was financially comfortable enough (by no means rich) to drop down to part times hours a few years ago. I don't have a craft room (yet 😁) but would never think a member of my family was secretly hating me for it.
Concentrate on your own life and stop being so nasty.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/07/2025 18:37

Jealousy is not an attractive trait, OP.

RuthChrisSt · 09/07/2025 18:37

God, you're pleasant.

It works for them, good on them!

HamiltonsAnvil · 09/07/2025 18:37

Yabvu

Nina1013 · 09/07/2025 18:38

I must immediately list my 4 bathroom/5 bedroom house for sale as I live there with (gasp!) only 2 other people.

I cannot believe you posted this, the jealousy is literally dripping from every word.

Woodworm2020 · 09/07/2025 18:39

Wow, you do you.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 09/07/2025 18:39

Oooh man, you have got it bad.

That is HIGH LEVEL 🧌

There’s nothing ridiculous or weird about how they live as long as they can afford it.

You really do just need to focus on your own life, and let everyone else get on with it. Specifically, avoid criticising her or their lifestyle to your brother again, it will colour his view of you and hurt only you.

Stilllifes · 09/07/2025 18:39

None of your business whatsoever.

ObtuseMoose · 09/07/2025 18:40

That shade of green looks shitty on you.

Sunflowersinthesummer · 09/07/2025 18:40

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/07/2025 18:21

Ah, sounds like a lovely marriage, financially secure, studying, nice home, lucky dog.

Why is it any of your business.

Love it.

DH has just at 57 taken voluntary redundancy with my love and blessing. We have one spare bedroom and come September two spare bedrooms. We are converting the garage into a den and art studio for son’s guitar playing( the one left) and my husbands art studio. One bedroom kept whilst middle one is at university might also be a guest room and why the hell not.
DH is nearly through a history degree he has done part time for no reason other than pleasure.

I knit and I’m going part time in September at 52. 3 years and then I will retire too!

Rainbows41 · 09/07/2025 18:40

You ooze jealousy..... and unhappiness.
Leave your sil alone - she's happy and so is your brother.

SockFluffInTheBath · 09/07/2025 18:41

I’m jealous, you’re jealous, a lot of people on here are a little bit jealous.

Comparison is the thief of joy, OP. Be happy that they’re happy.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 09/07/2025 18:41

How cheeky are you to have had a word with your brother about this?! As if the inner workings of his marriage are any of your affair!

newyorker74 · 09/07/2025 18:42

Transfer some of your anger to me. Not only do I have a four bedroom, four bathroom house for just me and my partner (plus cat) but - SHOCK - we all have a second four bedroomed house in another location! So 8 bedrooms and no children at all.

Columbidae · 09/07/2025 18:42

You judgement is very unreasonable OP. I don't agree she has to get a job. I'm sorry you're unhappy, but they seem to have a great lifestyle.

You say she used to work and didn't have the opportunity to study before. So presumably she started working straight away and worked for years until this health issue. I assume her income and savings contributed towards the house at some point and the life they built together. She now keeps a lovely home and is studying so occupies her time. She and your brother are happy.

TheDandyLion · 09/07/2025 18:42

Your brother and Sil live similarly to DH and I however it's not 1 person in the relationship that works but we both work very part time - 15 hrs per week each. We live in a 3 bed with an office/studio each to play on our own hobbies.

JHound · 09/07/2025 18:42

Why are you watching her life? As long as the taxpayer is not funding it I don’t see the issue.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2025 18:42

Def jealous. It sucks you could only afford a 2 bed house and you both have to work to pay for it whilst they can afford more on one salary, but that's life.

isitmeamithedrama · 09/07/2025 18:43

@Nurseamy87you’d hate me I live on my own in a 3bedroom house 😱 should I sell up and buy a studio flat or do I qualify for a 1bedroom? Currently one bedroom is a dressing room
I work full time and also have time to keep my house “so nice” it’s just what people do.

your jealousy is showing. Their life is nothing to do with you and “speaking to your brother privately” is just odd.

if you’re that unhappy with your life, change it but don’t try to belittle and drag down others

ZoggyStirdust · 09/07/2025 18:44

There will be a lot of support on this thread. Things like “good on her” and “if they’re happy let them do what they want”

if it was a woman working and a man being a “dog dad” he’s be a cocklodger and she should dump him immediately

RaininSummer · 09/07/2025 18:44

Sounds lovely and so long as they can afford it and it's a joint decision then there's nothing to say other than 'I wish that was my life'. Full time dog mum is a kind of joke as the dog isn't the reason she doesn't work is it?

mugglewump · 09/07/2025 18:44

What is crazy about living your best life? You have made no indication that they are living beyond their means, so why not study to improve your mind instead of being a wage slave? Perhaps she is studying for a degree with a view to a career change? It sounds like they have a nice life, a nice home and a relaxed life style. Who wouldn't do this if they could?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 09/07/2025 18:45

Oh FGS it's none of your business, goodness knows why you felt you needed to discuss it with your brother. You just sound really jealous of him and his wife.

Why didn't you allow voting?