Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this a crazy way to live or am I just jealous?

567 replies

Nurseamy87 · 09/07/2025 18:14

My SIL (older brother’s wife) is in her early 40s and does not have a job. She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum” . She is also a mature student who studies from home.

She and my brother have no children, yet inexplicably own a 3 bedroom house. Of the two spare rooms, one is my brother’s ‘office’ as he WFH full-time. My SIL has the other spare room for a desk where she studies, as well as room in there for her hobby (a craft). Everything is set up lovely for her. She Also has time to keep their house so nice. She used to work, until the pandemic, but claims to have a health issue and she had wanted to study but hadn’t previously had the opportunity to so decided to go for it. She is vague about what kind of career, if any, this studying will lead to.

I have spoken to my brother privately about this craziness, and he genuinely seems happy with this arrangement, saying that he loves her and is supportive. They are lucky he is in a decent profession and can support them both. They have never expressed any desire for children, of course we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but they do both seem to have a happy and peaceful life.

I however am stuck as an NHS slave (Great patients, awful management). Myself and DH had a dog who we lost suddenly earlier this year, we hope to have another “one day”. Being a full time dog mum sounds SO stupid, why can’t she do what the rest of us have to, send the dog to a dog sitter and go out to work!! Nor is it realistic for most 40 somethings to have a spare room to cater to their studies and hobbies! All DH and I have is our main bedroom and tiny box room which is rammed full of junk… that’s the real world right??!

I don’t know how my brother tolerates my SIL’s weird doggy mum / student life! She needs to get in the real world. Crazy thing is my brother worships the ground she walks on and does not ever seem to be telling her she needs to get a job like the rest of us have to.

OP posts:
Calmorchaos · 09/07/2025 18:59

It’s definitely jealousy. I don’t blame you , but that’s what it is.

They are happy with it, it’s unreasonable to call it craziness . It’s also unreasonable to bring it up with your brother as it’s absolutely none of your business .

skinnyoptionsonly · 09/07/2025 19:01

Definitely jealousy. If you said they had a 6 bed house then maybe it’s different. But 3 beds is hardly extravagant

jaws33 · 09/07/2025 19:01

I can't see a man describing him self as a full time dog dad getting such a rapturous response but people can live how they want.

TheChosenTwo · 09/07/2025 19:01

I think even you can see you’re very jealous!

Make changes to your own life rather than trying to drag everyone else down to your miserable level.

misskatamari · 09/07/2025 19:01

This has got to be a windup. No one can be this jealous yet completely lacking in the self awareness to realise this. Your brother and Sil sound happy. Why don’t you want that for them? Why does their happiness feel like a slap in the face to you? Like their happiness is someone taking away from you. Look at what you can do to feel happier in your own life and stop trying to shit on other people’s happiness because you are jealous of them.

skinnyoptionsonly · 09/07/2025 19:02

heroinechic · 09/07/2025 18:58

Do you know what would be crazy? Your sister in law to working 40 hours per week in a job she didn’t enjoy when they don’t need the money and have no children to provide for.

Stop whispering to your brother about it and butt out.

This too. No doubt at all your brother has told his wife about your envy comments

RancidRuby · 09/07/2025 19:02

Why would it be a crazy way to live? It's sounds great and if both of them are happy with their set up, what's it got to do with you? You are definitely jealous, which is understandable, but it's not their fault you hate your job and have a smaller house.

Heresmycontroversialopinion · 09/07/2025 19:03

YABU to not understand the difference between jealousy and envy. What you are experiencing is envy.

Brefugee · 09/07/2025 19:04

get over yourself, OP. They are fine, keep your oar out.

Heartbreaksally · 09/07/2025 19:04

You sound bitter, spiteful and deeply unhappy with your own life.

Slackbladder22 · 09/07/2025 19:06

I mean I totally agree it’s none of your business and you’re clearly jealous but I’d love to see the responses to this thread if the roles were reversed and it was your brother being a ‘dog dad’ and his wife working.

Barney16 · 09/07/2025 19:07

You're just jealous and nasty at the same time.

MyUmberSeal · 09/07/2025 19:08

You SIL is my heroine OP. Total babe.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 09/07/2025 19:08

Sounds like a perfect life! You do sound v v jealous. You made your life choices, they have made theirs.

HunnyPot · 09/07/2025 19:09

She describes herself - on her Facebook bio 🙄 - as a “full time dog mum”

This tells you all you need to know,

viques · 09/07/2025 19:09

Cutleryclaire · 09/07/2025 18:20

‘Inexplicably live in a three bedroom house’. It’s hardly a mansion. If you want bigger rooms downstairs you’ll end up with more bedrooms upstairs to mirror the downstairs footprint.

I inexplicably live in a three bedroom house. Well, quite explicable (?) , because I bought a three bedroom house. My room, spare room, ironing/storage/overflow book room. Plus downstairs, cellar and attic. Sorry if this extravagant use of space upsets you OP.

BrutalOutHere · 09/07/2025 19:10

Ignoring ‘dog mum’, which is hideously cringeworthy, I’m jealous of your SIL, so wouldn’t blame you if you were, too.

BountifulPantry · 09/07/2025 19:10

Sounds like this is a setup which works for both your brother and his life. He earns the money she keeps the house and studies. Pretty normal setup and one that’s good for them as a couple.

A 3 bed seems normal for a couple who are well-ish off. Hardly excessive.

BritAirwaysgirl · 09/07/2025 19:11

Comparison is the thief of joy !

Acheyelbows · 09/07/2025 19:11

You sound very judgemental and jealous. Perhaps look into ways you can be a stay at home student that works for you and your husband financially.

I'm sure your SIL tells you nothing of her life as you don't sound approachable in the least. She could have saved every penny so that she could give up work and skips indulgences to maintain the lifestyle. Your brother is happy and they can make ends meet, life isn't all about 50:50 in everything, I'm sure she makes his life happier and that's why he is there.

chickenwings2 · 09/07/2025 19:11

You’re a hater hth

HonoraBridge · 09/07/2025 19:12

You are jealous.

user4287964265 · 09/07/2025 19:12

You’re just jealous. If your not happy with your own life, thats no ones fault but your own. Should have married someone richer Op!

LurkyMcLurkinson · 09/07/2025 19:12

You sound incredibly bitter and I suspect your life would be much improved by focusing on what you do have and changing the things that make you unhappy, rather than focusing on what other’s have and feeling jealous.

Richiewoo · 09/07/2025 19:13

How nasty judgemental and jealous are you.