My boyfriend does not want to marry me, what should i do?

[egghampton]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, he has told me he loves me and we have been living together for about 6 months now.

the relationship started slow, he is widowed his wife was very ill and took her own life during chemo so i knew when getting into this relationship it was never going to be straight forward, but i always thought that he would re-marry

we never really spoke about marriage to be honest, i just thought it was where everyone headed, he does have a son who is 12 now but i just feel like im a third wheel in the family and i want to marry him.

he gets annoyed when i try to talk to him about it, and the last time he quite bluntly said he cant marry me, and if its what i want we should probably break up.

maybe he will change his mind, i just cant understand how he can not want to marry me, like ever? and why is he so closed to it?

do i just need to give him more time? or am i being unreasonable expecting him to marry me? its just he owns the house and pays for everything, i dont really earn that much, and if anything did happen i'm worried id get nothing.

If the roles were reversed we would be saying don't marry this cocklodger!

OP isn't coming back anyway.

It would be perfectly reasonable to refuse a promotion if it meant your kids had to move school. As a parent you put your children’s needs first. If they’re confident kids who adapt easily then fine to take the promotion. If they would struggle to adapt, but you’re really struggling to make ends meet and the promotion would solve this then you have to weigh things up and decide which is more important in that moment. If the kids are very fragile and you don’t need the money why the hell would you do that to them?

Also, until your children are independent adults you should put them ahead of your spouse. My DH is my children’s father and we have discussed this sort of thing and both agreed we’d be willing to throw the other one under a bus for the sake of the kids if it came to it. The conversation was started by a couple we knew having their children taken away by social services and the dad leaving the mum, who couldn’t cope with the kids on her own due to being disabled, and going for custody alone in a last desperate effort to not lose his children. I’m also disabled and made it very clear my DH that if we ever found ourselves in that situation (thankfully unlikely) I would fully expect him to ditch me for the sake of our children.

Well, I would not. Better not to get into that situation. But turning down promotion, which likely will ultimately help your DC by providing more for them and opening opportunities to them, because it might upset them to move schools is ridiculous. Of course one would take the better job because it will open up new paths and opportunities for the children - who will get over moving, honestly.