Not wanting grandchildren

[Reallyneedsaholiday]

I suppose I should start by saying that none of my children have any children of their own, or are likely to do so in the near future. Nor would I ever tell them how I feel. But …. I’m just not looking forward to being a grandparent.
I’ve raised my children, and if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to having a life for myself, when they move out. I see my friends, with grandchildren and they seem more tied than they were when they had their own children. Babysitting, giving their kids a “break”, struggling financially themselves to help them out, cutting back on work hours to mind their grandchildren so their parents can work, or returning to work part time because they can’t make ends meet otherwise, etc. It just feels as if they are more in demand than ever, and frankly, I want to be “selfish” for a bit. I’ve spent my entire life looking after other people, and I’m just not looking forward to it. I’m not saying I wouldn’t DO it, just that I’m not looking forward to it. Am I alone?

Nope. You are using it to show someone else that you're argument is more valid or righteous than theirs. "So there's that"

If you were interested in the poll only, you'd have collected your results and gone on your merry way.

Instead here you are arguing with every person who doesn't agree with you. What a way to spend that grandchild free time! Enjoy, you seem like a thoroughly miserable, sad individual.

Again, you're projecting your own mindset on me. If you read the thread, I've ignored the majority of people who disagreed with me, simply because they were respectful.aboyt it. Calling me names, trying to belittle me, or make out that I'm some kind of monster is NOT respectful and I'll tell ypu to your face that you're talking bullsh**. You know nothing about me or my life. Maybe one day you will mature enough to understand that. In the meantime, enjoy the life you have, and stop projecting your own insecurities onto others. You'd be much happier in yourself.

100% agree with you. I'm a mother, and I would support my children as much as I possibly could, whatever the cost to myself. And I'd feel privileged to be able to do so. I love ALL children and I'd absolutely be "all in" with any grandchildren I had. My original point was in reference to friends who are chomping at the bit to be a grandparent and I'm just not in that mindset. I'm enjoying having less parental responsibilities, I'm finding new friends and hobbies. Whereas I feel that a lot of friends are set on rushing through this bit". As I said in my OP, I've never told my children that, I never WOULD tell my children that, Id absolutely "do" whatever they required or needed or even "wanted" me to do, it's not just something I'm actively "wanting" or "looking forward" to

Look good people not everyone's the same. My first grandchild is imminent and I'm not surebeven now. My wife is absolutely obsessed and it's driving me nuts. I don't think there's any need for the sarcasm that's gone on here but again it's up to yourselves. One thing I'm sure of is that most grandparents to be will be thrilled when the little one arrives, I will let you know. In the meantime please be pleasant and allow all to have opinion.

My grandson has now been born. I not saying I'd change things because I obviously can't but it is to me just a status quo now. I will be there but I'm not all Google eyed.

You poor thing.

You sound delightful 😆

Same for dh
His dad was in the army they travelled around, and live around.
Dosent member grandparents much.
Army was the family.

I strongly suggest that I WOULD be "Google eyed" but I'm kinda enjoying my life right now, and not in a hurry for all that 🤣

I provide care for my grandchildren but that's my choice - my kids have never demanded or expected it if me. You may, however - or you may not - be suddenly overtaken by an overwhelming love when you first hold your grandchild, and actually want to do it. But it's also ok if you don't.

I totally agree with you. I have enough to cope with of my own without being expected to babysit or anything like that. I have told my kids I will not be hands on at all if they ever have kids.

Exactly then same. My campervan needs me!

I’ve no particular desire to be a grandparent. I’ve told my children to have kids if they want to, but there’s absolutely no expectation from me. I don’t want to become overly involved
in regular childcare, but of course would step in if there was an urgent need. The chances of my children living in the same country, let alone the same city when they leave home is fairly unlikely anyway. I will definitely take an active interest in any grandchildren and visit when convenient etc, but I wouldn’t be devastated if I didn’t have any.

I haven’t got grandchildren yet but my own children are adults so it could potentially happen any time. I’ve said I want to be a proper grandparent - one that babysits at a weekend or to let them go out for the day, not regular childcare. Having them in school holidays and things like that. Where you can see them a few hours and hand them back sticky from baking cakes with you or muddy from the park.

Whether things end up like that we’ll have to see - if and when grandchildren come along.

What makes you think your adult children won’t move away?

My grandparents were 200 miles away and still working full time when I arrived - still very much “proper grandparents. DD’s grandparents were on a different continent and very much still “proper grandparents”.

Most grandparents would still be working when grandchildren come along. I think your very narrow view of grand-parenting and expectation (“I want”) have the potential to leave you rather disappointed.

Agree. My grandparents were on a different continent when i was born & growing up, infact non of my parents siblings live in the same town as the grandparents. A lot of people move away for work,. There seems to be the assumption that the next generation will be living nearby or perhaps the parents plan to move to be near the adult dc.