Not wanting grandchildren

[Reallyneedsaholiday]

I suppose I should start by saying that none of my children have any children of their own, or are likely to do so in the near future. Nor would I ever tell them how I feel. But …. I’m just not looking forward to being a grandparent.
I’ve raised my children, and if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to having a life for myself, when they move out. I see my friends, with grandchildren and they seem more tied than they were when they had their own children. Babysitting, giving their kids a “break”, struggling financially themselves to help them out, cutting back on work hours to mind their grandchildren so their parents can work, or returning to work part time because they can’t make ends meet otherwise, etc. It just feels as if they are more in demand than ever, and frankly, I want to be “selfish” for a bit. I’ve spent my entire life looking after other people, and I’m just not looking forward to it. I’m not saying I wouldn’t DO it, just that I’m not looking forward to it. Am I alone?

It's OP who is being dramatic, to not want grandchildren because of the the unlikely chance she'll be asked to do childcare?

Try learning to read, it'll stand you in good stead in the future. That's not what I said, nor what I meant, but it's all good, because plenty of people understood.

It might not be what you meant, but it is what you said.

That's the most bizarre thing i've read in a long time! Madness 😂

It really isn't. Plenty of other people understood. What you read between the lines is your own projection, not what was said.

You can choose to set your boundaries if ever happens.

I've just reread your original post. And you actually did say you were not looking forward to being a grandparent. Those words alone say. "You are not looking forward to being a grandparent" how else can people look at it?

We all need a village and it's important that intergenerational child rearing happens. However it's always all on the grandmothers not the grandfathers. They're allowed to do sweet FA with no judgement.

Yep batshit. You must look after your own children, and when they are grown (and you have spent a quarter of a century raising them and sacrificing things for them,) you must also do the same for your GRANDCHILDREN? How long for...? 10 years? 15 years? 20?? 25????

Wait, what?! Why did my mother not look after MY children all the time then? And why did HER mother not look after me and my brother?! Why does every 'granny' not look after their grandchildren??

BECAUSE IT'S NOT THEIR JOB! FFS. 😩

Right. It is so so weird this absolute fixation mumsnetters seem to have about forcing grandmothers to parent the mumsnetter's own kids. It's not standard, normal or expected in the real world, people just accept they have to get on with looking after their own children.

No we don't, and not it's not. Having travelled from one country to another with 2 little kids and their dad, we just got on with it. Nice if you like that sort of thing and can organise it, but not necessary or wanted by a lot of people.

I love being a nana I don't have him as much as I would like. As they know I'm busy with work. I visit every other week and I've offered to have him overnight it's a blessing but I suppose not everyone wants to be a grandparent x

You're creating a problem where none exists. You have no likely prospect of them right now and no one asked for you to give up your life to help with them . Wtf are you on here for?

I have 5 grandchildren and 4 step grandchildeen and one on the way. I have a full time job im 57 and wont retire for another 10 yrs so i havent changed my life because of them. However they have enhanced my life and i adore them all.
I very occasionally get asked if they can stay for a night( normally just one or two at a time) and mostly say yes but this is very now and then as my DC know we both work full time.. you can have it all- just communicate your needs x

Right ok you're an exception. Most people would benefit from family involvement.

I’ve seen both sides. My parents LOVED being grandparents, offered to look after them
(my mum started planning her retirement when she found out I was expecting) spent time with them and built a really lovely close bond with my children.

The paternal Grandparents are the complete opposite, would go 6/9/12 months between seeing them because they wanted to do their own thing. I rarely asked them to baby sit (maybe 3 times, ever) because I felt uncomfortable when I did ask, like I was putting them out. They basically, at their choosing, don’t have much of a relationship with DC. It’s their loss as they’re great kids.

I think what I'm trying to say is, it’s not up to you
as to whether you become a grandparent. It’s up to you as to how involved you are which then determines how close of a relationship you end up having with them.

The grandparents who make the effort will reap the rewards when they are elderly.

My nan was involved with mine and siblings’ lives when we were children. As adults, we all visit regularly and now she is becoming unwell. We have supported our nan by taking her to medical appointments and being there during emergency hospital admissions (when our mother could not), would we have done that if she hadn’t bothered to form an relationship with us as kids? No way.

Thanks to the people who have understood and supported me. To the trolls .. not so much.
I'm just exhausted at the moment. It feels like it's a cardinal sin to not be bouncing up and down with excitement at the prospect of being a grandparent.
I adore my children. I know they'd want me to be "involved" and "hands on", although they'd also respect my boundaries, but more to the point i know that "I" would want to be hands on and involved , and I'd love it... just not yet 🤣

Exactly this.
But then that’s up to the grandparent to decide because like you say it does have an impact on the future. If OP is ok to not have that relationship, that’s entirely OPs prerogative.
Id absolutely chose to be involved when my grandchildren come along. That’s my personal decision. Not even thinking of the future in terms of being elderly, but just still being a mum to my children and helping them navigate their own way as parents. My help and guidance to my kids when they need it won’t ever stop.
Ive never raised it with the paternal grandparents even though I think it’s a shame, because me saying something won’t change their mind.
Guess what I’m trying to say is, each to their own, but there is a consequence to either path that is taken.

Respectfully, any ‘misunderstandings’ were caused by the title of your thread.
The title should really correlate with what you are trying to say.

Respectfully, any :misunderstandings " were by people who couldn't be bothered to read past the hradline 🙄

You did put "don't want grandchildren" then in other posts you reiterated this. Just because you didn't like what people "you called trolls" said doesn't make them trolls. If you don't want grandchildren. That is on you. If your kids want kids just tell them your happy to do the spoiling on visits. But you would sooner Be the "fun" person (not sure if they will be allowed to call you nan) then have them. I'm sure the other parent involveds parents will love to have the grandchildren to themselves. So happy days.

Honestly? The time of grandparents (grandmothers) doing a lot of childcare is passing. My state pension age is now 68. The grandparents will still be in work when the grandchildren are small.

I remember a friend at work being asked to move her day to a Monday so she could attend a meeting. When she said that unfortunately she had no childcare on Mondays, our boss said brightly “Well, what about your mum?!?” And was a bit taken aback to be told that she was a headmistress and would be at work too.

It’s weird to assume that a woman in her sixties is not already occupied.

🙄

Families vary, my mum helped with mine, my gran helped with me, my greatgran helped with my mum. We all worked so needed help and it's just normal to us. I was so close to my gran and I try to do the same.