Not wanting grandchildren

[Reallyneedsaholiday]

I suppose I should start by saying that none of my children have any children of their own, or are likely to do so in the near future. Nor would I ever tell them how I feel. But …. I’m just not looking forward to being a grandparent.
I’ve raised my children, and if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to having a life for myself, when they move out. I see my friends, with grandchildren and they seem more tied than they were when they had their own children. Babysitting, giving their kids a “break”, struggling financially themselves to help them out, cutting back on work hours to mind their grandchildren so their parents can work, or returning to work part time because they can’t make ends meet otherwise, etc. It just feels as if they are more in demand than ever, and frankly, I want to be “selfish” for a bit. I’ve spent my entire life looking after other people, and I’m just not looking forward to it. I’m not saying I wouldn’t DO it, just that I’m not looking forward to it. Am I alone?

No.
You haven’t been clear from the off at all.
Or you were honest to begin with (?) but then didn’t like that the thread wasn’t an echo chamber so renegaded on it.
People disagreeing with what you said are not trolls. Own what you put.

Neither your projection nor your lack of reading comprehension is my problem

Oh my comprehension is absolutely fine.

So why are you arguing? 🙄

Surly this is simply down to the individual, there's no need for some of the sarcasm. As said in my comment I am 65 and it scares the hell out of me. Things may be different when the babies born(Imminent) but I feelings are what they are I cannot change that.

Isn’t a debate where people (op) get a chance to expand on what they said at the beginning and where they are able to reflect and possibly change their thinking a good thing?? Reflection and reevaluation are grown up characteristics.
My initial reaction to the title of the post was to disagree but after reading more, much more, of the thread I probably align quite closely with her views.
Grandchildren can bring much joy, grandchildren where you are providing much care are still a joy but are also a huge commitment. If you have a full and active life you can offer more to a grandchild. We are all different and each need to find a way to do us while still supporting our children as parents.

The OP isn't reflecting, she's changing the story. She didn't want GC, she wanted to be selfish after a lifetime if looking after others. Fair enough if that's what she wants but apparently she didn't mean what she actually said, it isn't what she wants and if people think she meant what she said the are trolls.

She criticises reading skills but maybe she needs to think about writing skills.

I haven’t changed the narrative at all. And more people agree with me, than with you so there’s that

Read your title and your first post. You can keep saying it didn't change but it's in black and white. People agreeing with the sentiment doesn't mean they can't see the story changed.

Yep. The problem with this 'we need a village' mindset, is that a 'village' is often exclusively women looking after other peoples children. (Sometimes as well as their own...) Also women doing the care for the elderly and vulnerable, and women doing all the domestic duties.

'A village' is just a place where women are domestic servants, and free childminders (sometimes for other people as well as their own family.)

Very rarely will the men step up.

I think it’s totally reasonable not to want to become a grandparent when your own children are still teenagers or young adults! My own mum was working full time, gaining Master’s level qualifications and enjoying a busy social life when I was in my twenties and early thirties.

DS was born when I was 37 and my mum was 64 and semi-retired, and she has been an exceptionally hands-on grandparent, providing regular as well as ad hoc childcare. My parents have even moved from one end of the country to the other to be closer to DS! This has all been driven by my mum - I’m grateful for her help but in no way expected it and if she had decided she wanted to be less involved, I wouldn’t have been offended or complained to her.

Had I had children ten years earlier, I very much doubt that she’d have been as involved as she is, because she would still have been working full time and enjoying some independence and financial freedom after raising two children of her own (including supporting us through university).

I can totally understand how you feel and I’m thankful that my parents didn’t put pressure on me to have children to fulfil their own desire for grandchildren - that sort of entitlement feels stifling, to be honest. It sounds like your attitude is entirely sensible!

No, it didn't. You interpreted the OP in the wrong way, and read between the lines to give an incorrect narrative. That's on you, not on me.

Just a quick note to the village comment and woman are domestic slaves. I live in a village work, do all the house work shoping etc. My wife is the queen of her domain. She is even to lazy for sex. I also done everything for the children when they were growing up. So I think your comment is draconian BS. X

Not wanting GC
I'm just not looking forward to being a grandparent

Pretty straightforward when you read your words, you didn't want GC you weren't looking forward to it. Not much interpretation needed. If you'd said now it would be clear that you don't want it now.

You obviously don't want to admit what you said but we see it so I'll leave you to carry on trying to convince us you didn't say what you said.

My own parents went through a number of stages.

When I was between about 20 and 30, they went through the sort of ‘selfish’ (for want of a better word, I don’t mean that unkindly) stage that I think you might be at now. They retired, travelled loads, celebrated the end of the ‘caregiving and working’ stage of their lives, did things they’d always wanted to do. I think ant that stage they would probably have said that they weren’t desperate for grandchildren.

Now they are 70ish, and whilst they are still in fairly good health, health problems and age are creeping up them, and they have become far more family-orientated again. They don’t travel much, and they want to spend time with me and their grandchildren.

Different ages, different stages.

You’re like a broken record. We get it. You don’t understand or relate. Maybe one day you will. Maybe you won’t. I don’t care. I wanted to know if I was alone. Resounding answer = no. Lots of people DO understand, that’s all I wanted to know.

You aren't getting the point. Some people want kids some don't and same with grandchildren no right or wrong. The point is you said you don't want them and then turned it round to you don't want them now, again perfectly reasonable to feel that. What isn't reasonable is calling people trolls because they assumed you meant what you said. The normal response would be to say what I meant was... You just can't do that, very immature so probably best if you don't have grandchildren for quite a while.

I give up. I’m not sure which bit of “I don’t care about your opinion” you’re not getting, but please go away. You didn’t understand what I was saying, and that’s ok. Trolling me, isn’t.

@Reallyneedsaholiday Id be interested to hear how you would feel if one of your children wanted to be a parent SO badly but life circumstances (illness) meant they needed help to enable that to happen?

By ‘help’ I mean physical assistance during times of treatment, rather than financial. But with you setting the boundaries of what that looked like for you…

I’m saying this (completely non judgementally, but to give another perspective) as a disabled mother with complex medical needs whose parents and wider family have enabled me to be a mother, all that matters to me in this world.

Just today I managed to get out of hospital to see her end of year nursery show. My parents and in laws shouting the loudest and clapping enough for the whole audience. And crying watching my emotion of being so unbelievably proud of my little girl - my mum said afterwards, there’s nothing that brings her more joy than seeing me be the mama I want to be.

My daughter is little so I have no idea how I would feel at your point in life, but I look at her now and think I would do anything and everything to support her….

I realise it is probably unhealthy and because of our unique circumstances, but I genuinely do not care how much pain/ complications / issues I go through if it means she is happy…

Not up to you who posts. You can't own what you said. Oh dear, what a pity, never mind

No, it's not up to me who posts. The fact that you keep banging on, on someone else's thread, about something that you misunderstood just shows what a sad existence you have. Go and get a life.

There has been a lot of misunderstanding (me included), but you do need to own that you caused it. It’s disrespectful not to.

People reading between the lines and misunderstanding is not on me. I haven't changed my stance from the beginning.

Omg how childish are you?! Probably a good thing you don't want any GC if those are the sort of things you'd teach them.

More people agreeing with you is no indication of being morally correct btw.

You know that that’s kind of the point of a poll, right? 😳
I simply wanted to know if I was the only person who felt the way I do, and the answer to that was no. I am NOT the only person to feel this way, and that’s all I wanted to know.