Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

I’m glad someone else said this. Reading the thread, I was beginning to think I was the only one who thought this.

If they choose to stay at home preventing the dog sitters then they need to think of ddogs needs so the they can go stay with a friend so sitters can come 🤷‍♀️

Rule in our house if either dd (18) or ds (22) at home cats stay too. It's part of their family responsibility. DS best friend also kindly feeds cats when we all go away once a year for a week. DS arranged this! Your son needs to start adulting!

And me 🤦🏻‍♀️

Is there a compromise position, something like he/she is expected to walk the dog first thing and feed them and to be there are certain times with a dog walker coming in at times they think could be an issue? Obviously letting them know that the dog walker bill will have to be knocked off funds for their holiday.

Cats aren’t comparable to dogs though - they just need feeding and the litter trays sorting. Dogs are much more of a tie and a commitment.

If you normally get a sitter then DC has a choice - look after Ddog and money otherwise spent on sitter goes to her holiday fund or you get the normal sitter in and they goes and stays with Grandparents/friend/GreatAuntyBarbara.

If they digs their heels in and you have to miss your break then they are selfish and I wouldn't be funding a skiing trip!

Essentially your nearly 18 year old can't be arsed to look after the dog, because it's too much like hard work. Yes, animals are tying, but that's part and parcel of pet ownership! Given how unenthusiastic your child is to look after the dog, I wouldn't trust them to look after it! However, I would arrange a pet sitter to come in several times per day, to feed/walk/play with the dog, whilst you're away. It's far better than putting your dog into kennels, which it isn't used to. I would then say to your child: The dog sitter for the week will be costing £XX, this will be deducted from the money we were using to pay for your trip' or 'The dog sitter for the week will be costing us £XX for the week, and I'm sorry we are no longer funding your trip away, as this is extra money we've needed to find'. Personally, I wouldn't be funding a trip away with his/hers friends anyway, save up their own money from working part-time, if it's that important to them.

This.

Going against the grain and say that the dog is your responsibility to sort out care for and your DC is being honest in saying that they dont want to do it. Dogs are a big responsibility.

I also think that funding a holiday later in the year is irrelevant, that's your choice to do that and im guessing the dog wasn't part of the deal at the time.

To me this means that in the future, whenever you go away for the night/long weekend/holiday, and your DC aren't going, you are automatically expecting them to care for the dog.

I can’t believe some of the answers here. So aggressive. It’s totally normal to expect an almost adult to take some responsibility. Some 17/18 year olds have children to look after.

Goodness, some of us are advocating raising hopeless young people who are not going to manage in the real world.

Sorry didn't really want to drip feed but one of said cats needs medication 3 times a day so more comparable to a dog! The teen who presumably likes the dog needs to grow up and loose the entitlement. If he's home which prevents normal arrangements he needs to step up or move out for the week. ( he needs to work out which is best for him)

Then tell them that's fine, you'll pay for kennels, and all the overtime work they will be doing whilst you're away should then be sufficient to pay for their own trip, as you won't be able to fund it any more due to the cost of the kennels.

I wouldn’t trust them with the dog and I wouldn’t be funding in the their trip.

Thwy sound nasty and selfish. Why is that?

I think it depends of she is living as an adult or a child. It sounds like she's pretty much still being kept so I think you can apply levers to make her do it.

But I think you'd do better to find an alternative as a begrudging carer is no reassurance for you.

What about getting a dog walker or pet sitter and using some of the money you'd be giving her for e.g. driving lessons or a holiday to fund it? Use the service a few times before going away.

Admittedly not a dog, but I was so reluctant to use a sitter but when I absolutely had to, I found someone amazing who did home visits and wouldn't hesitate to use them again. We got photos and videos for every visit and a summary of behaviour. They were also very qualified and i knew the pet could/would be taken to vet as soon as necessary. Would DD be able to do this?

Still not comparable to a dog who can’t be left for long periods and needs regular walks and toilet breaks though, though yes, more of a tie than most cats.

How do you possibly get that from the OP instead of "they want the dog out of the way so they don't have to look after the dog"?

Maybe they want a house party. Maybe they want to cook up some drugs. You don't know!

In that case, could you book the teen into the kennels and let ddog stay at home with a sitter? 😂

To offer the other view, the child didn't take on the responsibility of a dog. There's a reason children can't take on pets and it's because of things like not truly understanding that a dog is many, many years of time and cost; they didn't sign up for that even if they wanted a dog.

Could you get a dog walker to come in once or twice a day so it's not so much of a tie?

Or otherwise I would suggest DC stays with someone so you can get your usual petsitters in!

I wouldn't ask money from you at 18, if I didn't want to look after "Ddog", and that would be it.
It's their right to refuse.

I remember being 19 and my parents booking a trip away and assuming I would watch their dogs. I had actually moved out though, was at uni, on placement and working double shifts at the weekends in a care home. I appreciate this isn’t your scenario OP- but this post brought back memories of my mum being absolutely furious and not speaking to me for weeks 😂

I think it sounds like your son likely won’t be the most reliable or enthusiastic dog sitter, so I would even look at alternatives.

One lever might be using a service provider that comes in for the evening or overnight. More expensive, but if your proposed solution is to use DCs holiday fund and effectively put someone else in the home every evening, your DC may be more obliging.

You need a REALLY tedious relative to come and stay with them while you are away. Just say you are going to ask them, and await a change of heart.

I'd have a real problem with this as if we were all going away, leaving the house empty, I'd have a vetted temp dog sitter live in for that period of time. I wouldn't be able to do this (and wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable doing this) if a teen stayed home. But I would make it clear to teen that because of this situation, the teen's doing the doggy care is a condition of their skipping the family trip and teen should factor that in before deciding to stay home.

Reading your update, I see that's similar to your dilemma. Did the teen originally agree to take care of the dog and is now backing out? If so, I think it's reasonable to either insist teen does the dog care as agreed or teen comes along on the trip. I wouldn't send the dog to a kennel if I felt uncomfortable with that and I wouldn't cancel the trip. One other option might be that an experienced dog sitter would take your dog in at their own house?