Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

Great, make sure your son knows everything you offer him comes with a cost. Good for you.

A fair and reasonable response would have you not being spiteful, not cancelling what you had already bought him which as far as he knew had no ties or strings attached to it.

And then you could have relayed that from now on there will be no more tickets etc bought unless you agree on some issues.

Instead, you've treated him one way his whole life and are now punishing him for behaving like a pretty average teenager.

You sure showed him.

I actually feel sorry for your child. Yes it would have been great if he'd looked after the dog, but it really isn't worth this fuss. Just book a kennels and the dog will be perfectly happy, safe and looked after for your holiday. You've been really quite nasty to your son over this. Just saying the cost of dog care would come out of any agreed holiday budget would have been plenty, he's only 17.

Stand firm OP.
This will not be the last time you see this side of him.
Never too late to readjust expectations.

My children are spoiled to, like many, but they really wouldn't dream of not keeping their word about doing something so reasonable.
Lots of kids look after the family pet when parents are away.

He thinks it is a one way street, where he takes but doesn't have to contribute.
Time he learnt differently.

Well done OP. Hopefully he’ll realise that agreeing to things actually matters.

OP has explained at least once why kennels aren't a solution.

I’d say either he stays at home for the duration and looks after the dog or he finds somewhere to stay while dog sitter comes.
we do give dd some money for her trouble but tbf she pays for her own trips/social life

I agree it’s way OTT. Generally on MN kids don’t have sufficient consequences but this is way too far the other way - it’s just vindictive.

You’re punishing him for the fact you feel like you’ve spoiled him, but that’s on you. It would have been much more sane and sensible to sit down and talk to him about responsiblity and commitment going forward.

Dreadful dreadful parenting. And now its coming home to roost? it sure is.
Its all on you.
I dont for one minute beleive that this cancelling of his trip is the first instance of you being spiteful and mean. It doesnt work like that. It never does.
This is about way more than the poor wee doggy.
Once again im staggered at the kind of unkind parenting thats lauded on here.

I’d take the view that families pull together and are expected to help out and make sacrifices for each other.

Possibly, it would have helped to talk about this months in advance so he knew he couldn’t book nights away for that point, but as a member of the family, it’s his dog too.

Lots of teen are selfish like this. Sometimes they’ve been enabled by parents who haven’t put any responsibility at all on them ever. But they need to learn….they do a share of household chores, looking after pets, standiN g in when a parent isn’t around to take in deliveries or whatever. It’s part of being in a family. You help each other out and sometimes that means some sacrifices.

But they need to learn….

Trouble is he’s not going to learn from this what OP thinks.

He’s learnt that his mum is stroppy and spiteful, & to be wary of her. He’s even taken refuge at his gf’s. How can this issue be such a drama at home that he’s gone somewhere else?

OP is entirely justified in being annoyed, but her handling of it is not.

I dont for one minute beleive that this cancelling of his trip is the first instance of you being spiteful and mean

It’s not spiteful and mean, it’s consequences. I think the term is ‘fuck around and find out’. Well, he’s fucked around with this, and now he’s finding out what the consequences are.

It’s what I say to my kids and invariably they get, very quickly, to the realisation that’s it’s just not worth their while fucking around because they won’t like what they find out.

So many people on her who's kids are not the people I will want to be around as adults.
I think you are right @NormalSunday . He made a promise that he's breaking, knowing that it is inconveniencing you - so you have given him a consequence. Hopefully he'll learn from it.

It's far. far too late to suddenly start 'un-spoiling' your spoilt kid. You raised him this way and to suddenly just start being spiteful and cancelling his things is not going to make him a better behaved, nicer teen - it's just going to make him bitter and resentful.

Him having to find somewhere to move out to so that the house sitter could move in with the dog was his consequence. Cancelling his stuff wasn't a consequence, that was a childish punishment to make you feel better.

Exactly. There are much more reasoned consequences that would have been more effective.

Disagree.

It's a 'chickens coming home to roost' moment.

Act like a selfish tw*t, accept the consequences.

@Bea372

so…what? She should just continue spoiling him? He’s 17 it’s not too late - can you imagine in his twenties what he’d be like if OP continues?! It wouldn’t be doing him any favours either - no one like a selfish and entitled person

The son’s refusal to look after the dog has caused the expense of a dog sitter which won’t be cheap! The cost of this should be deducted from his holiday as it is his actions which have necessitated the additional costs.

This!! Some mumsnetters are so privileged that they can’t see being an issue!

No I don't think you should expect an adult child to look after a family dog instead of finding kennels or a dog sitter. I'm assuming she's your dog/Dh's not son's beloved pet.

Why should he have to get up early to walk her before work, miss social events, clean up after her while you and DH enjoy a luxurious holiday?

Because when he was invited to go on the trip he declined the offer, he also agreed to look after the dog but then reneged on the agreement.

The dog can't go into kennels and sitters won't sit if there is someone else in the house.

I wouldn’t trust him to care for the dog now anyway, and I wouldn’t be funding his holiday. Could you look for local recommendations for a pet sitter?

The OP had offered to tale the DS on holiday with them so the repeated references to paying for a dog sitter are null and void.

I also think that cancelling the stuff that you have already agreed to is petty,
Lead by example. pay for the stuff that you have agreed to, but no more holidays from the bank of mum and dad.

Have you got a 17 year old son out of interest?

Have an older DD. Who was a difficult teen but is better since she's had to stand on her own two feet.

Have you found a kennel for your teen yet OP?