Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

[NormalSunday]

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

at 17 i wouldn't have expected my parents to fund my trip without a bit of quid pro quo. But then i would have agreed to look after DDog anyway, trip or not.

Sounds to me as though there needs to be a bit more discussion about living together with a nearly adult DS. Things like who does what in the house, expectations of what they do in return for what they get etc etc.

Get a dog minder.

DC can use all their imaginary overtime money to pay for their holiday.

Put it to him that with that unhelpful attitude, he doesn’t deserve the privilege of looking after the family dog. Just the same as he doesn’t deserve the privilege of paid for holidays, special treats, wifi, friends over, driving lessons, spending money, or anything but normal very basic board and lodging.
See if he changes his tune.

Nope not even a bit.
I think you have to not wield the "roof over their head" etc
Not taking the keys off them and just being nasty for the sake of it because someone cldnt be arsed arrangeing proper car for their animal, pretending that a 17 yr old is the same as an adult.
I cannot abide the kind of parenting that threatens or witholds.
Its dreadful IMO.
My dd probably wouldnt have minded the dog while we buggered off on hols at 17, the responsibilty would freak her out and at that age she was just finding her own feet.
Now at 21, absolutely no problem at all and we have and do leave the dog and cats with her, shes fantastic with them.
Its called allowing them to grow up without berating them.
But on here, once they hit 16, thats it they are done.
Baffles me.

For people saying "he doesn't have to look after the dog" well no he doesn't have to but surely being part of a loving family means doing each other favours and helping each other out when needed? My daughter is a similar age and is looking after our dog later this month when we go away, it wasn't even a question, she's just doing it.

There's plenty of things that people don't have to do for family; picking them up from a hospital appointment, dropping them at the station/airport, picking up their favourite treat from the shop etc etc, but I'd hate to live in a family where someone just never bothers because they don't have to.

maybe but you want the dog properly looked after, not resentfully.

Hire a dog sitter or home boarding (kennels are terrible) - use the holiday fund to pay for it.

actually, without the snark in that post, getting a relative over might be a good idea?

Take the dog on a snow holiday instead, dogs love snow

My 13 year old is perfectly capable of feeding and walking the dog, a 17 year old should be well capable of it. I had my own house and child at 17, being unable to look after a dog for a week is ridiculous.

Yes maybe a dog minder in but be clear you not funding breaks. Deal here is our dd minds dog we go seperate weeks. I do give her money towards her holiday then. She 19

A thought or two. My parents asked me to look after the dog for a week while they were away. I was a similar age. I didn't like being in the house alone much and didn't spend enough time with the dog. I suspect DS won't spend enough time with the dog either.

OP, DDog, assuming you chose to get it, is your responsibility, not DS's. I would find some sort of family based dog care and get your dog used to them before you go. There's quite a lot of talk on here about defunding the skiing. That just sounds spiteful to me, honestly. Unless DS is in full time work, he's going to struggle to fund that and he's not yet 18.

Maybe draw a line about holidays when he's over 18/working. Find some equation that works for you. Make this his last parentally funded hurrah or something but I wouldn't fall out over this. Honestly.

Well i would not like my dd to have her own house or child at 17 so theres that.
Im sure if she did, then ya a dog wouldnt be a problem.
Would you leave your 13 year old on her own for a week to mind the dog?
That is totally different and you know it.
Or should.

Yanbu from 16 I was looking after the family dog when my parents went away. I never even questioned it I was living in their house and the dog was just as much mine as theirs.

If DH and I are out, then DS (16) is expected to look after DDog. He does it willingly. If he has plans then I wouldn't expect him to cancel those, and I arrange our pet sitter to pop in. I think it would be worth you finding a dog walker/ pet sitter locally, it's useful to have someone like that anyway, so if you're out for a long day or held up unexpectedly, then DDog is looked after.

If your DC is expecting you to fund their trip, then they need to pull their weight. Assuming that they will be there overnight and therefore first thing in the morning, then can you arrange someone to pop in once or twice a day and walk DDog? If DC is not even prepared to do first thing in the morning and overnight, then I certainly wouldn't be funding a separate holiday for them.

What kind of dog is it, is it well trained is it boisterous, needs lots of attention? Does ds walk it already and pick poo up etc?

If it's a low maintenance easy dog who he is already involved with caring for it would seem a bit selfish of him but if it's a bigger dog that needs lots of exercise and he doesn't already do any of that then I can see his point.

Can't you just book a walker once a day and ask your ds do the rest re feeding etc?

Yes, I wondered about that, if there's a kind cousin or similar. That might solve the problem.

I wouldn't be funding the holiday or leaving the dog in their care because I wouldn't trust them....and yeah dogsitter not kennels. I wouldn't be narked about them not wanting to care for dog if its not "their" dog, but obvs you have a limit on your resources and you can't pay for both.

No I wouldn't leave my 13 year old alone for a week obviously, but I don't see how you get to 17 and are unable to feed and walk a dog.

I’d put the dog in kennels and deduct the costs from things I would have bought for the teen (allowance, trips, phone bill etc). I’d also not be putting myself out for them in terms of lifts, treats, other nice things until the teen gets on board with “team family.”

Cats’ needs are much more simple than those of dogs.

No dog sitting, no funding for holidays.

But its not walk and feed?
Its full respnsiblity for the duration of a holiday.
That is not the same.
a 4 yr old can feed a dog. Would you let them walk it? no.
So its not the same.

Sulky teen goes to stay with friends while you’re away and you get house sitter to stay and care for the dog.

Ok, let me rephrase then. A 17 year old should be more than capable of looking after a dog for a week.