Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

453 replies

NormalSunday · 09/07/2025 09:20

DH and I want to go away for our big wedding anniversary, asked our 17 year old (nearly 18) if they wanted to come. They weren’t keen and would prefer to go to the snow with mates later in the year.
So we’ve started to make plans, now they are saying they don’t think they can look after Ddog because is too tying, and that a kennel would be better, means they’ll miss out on social events and overtime at work if they need to be back to walk her etc (noting they never do overtime at their part time job currently)
AIBU to think they are taking the piss and at nearly an adult should be helping with our family dog, not sacking her off to kennels (which she’s never been in) then still expecting us to fund the trip for them in exchange for our holiday!

OP posts:
Icebreakhell · 09/07/2025 10:06

They sound entitled and immature.

I would not be funding their skiing holiday nor trusting them to care for my dog.

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 09/07/2025 10:06

Agree that minding the dog should be a requirement of the ski trip - also get door cams, your teen may not walk the dog but also may be having large gatherings they don’t want a dog around for.

Do you have any super strict conservative family members that you can drop in “that’s okay aunt x has said she can come and stay to mind the dog”. You could get a house sitter from a site like trusted house sitter where people will mind your dog in exchange for free accommodation.

Original poster
NormalSunday · 09/07/2025 10:06

Normally we get live in house sitters, who care for Ddog. However the agency we use doesn’t allow a sulky teen as part of the deal. I’m not sure any live in dog sitter would also want a teen to ‘care for’
I know they are being obtuse, I just needed a sense check. I get it’s more responsibility than they are used to - but surely that’s part of transitioning to an adult and realising the world doesn’t revolve around you!

OP posts:
Doteycat · 09/07/2025 10:06

I dont think the 17yr old is responsible for this.
You should sort proper care for your animal, just like you would have had to do if the teen had said yes to coming with you.
TBH, never mind about the 17 year old not wanting to do it, it just sounds to me like the actual ADULT, YOU, doesnt want to pay for kennels.
If you own an animal you should have these things in place so it doesnt cause them stress when it comes to it.
This is on you IMO, and its not up the the 17yr old to give you a dig out..
His/her ski trip is a separate issue and has nothing and should have nothing to do with this situation you have created for yourself.

hattie43 · 09/07/2025 10:08

TomatoSandwiches · 09/07/2025 09:21

Tell them it's a requirement to having their trip funded.

This .

BoggisandBunceandBean · 09/07/2025 10:08

Howmanycatsistoomany · 09/07/2025 09:58

Have you considered a live-in dog sitter? That'd guarantee no parties while you're gone. And obviously because you've had to pay for the sitter you can't afford to pay for the ski holiday.

I would do this. A live-in dog sitter worked out really well for a friend of mine recently. DDog had a marvellous time! I would also not mention it to DC again unless they asked what the plans were. At which time I might be inclined to say, very nicely, that you'd done it to enable them to do the overtime to fund their snow trip.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 09/07/2025 10:09

Tell them they will earn the money for their trip by taking care of the dog. Their choice.

grumpygrape · 09/07/2025 10:09

Can you ask around for a walking and feeding service instead of a full house/dog sitter?

MzHz · 09/07/2025 10:14

@NormalSunday Normally we get live in house sitters, who care for Ddog. However the agency we use doesn’t allow a sulky teen as part of the deal. I’m not sure any live in dog sitter would also want a teen to ‘care for’

Tell Teen that they need to find somewhere else to live/stay during your holiday so that you can have the sitter. Take their keys off them too.

no skiing holiday as you’ve just spent that money on the house/pet sitter.

don’t cave on this now either, even if the teen says they’ll do it. Teach this entitled bugger a lesson.

my 19yo ds works pretty much full time in a pub atm, he has cared for our dog when we’ve been away, coming back on his breaks to feed/walk the dog without a second thought.

We went away for a week last Sept and again a couple of weeks ago, this last trip his gf did it when he was working.

your teen needs an ALMIGHTY wake up call.

Tedsshed · 09/07/2025 10:15

If you aren't prepared to say that if they don't look after the dog, you won't fund their holiday, find out how much it would cost to put the dog in the kennels while you're away. Then tell your teen that you will deduct the cost of dog care from any contribution towards their holiday later in the year.

hepsitemiz · 09/07/2025 10:16

I like @Howmanycatsistoomany 's suggestion.

Alternatively, we've used Trusted Housesitters and they have been great. You can select sitters who are animal lovers, and even get to choose ones that have experience with your type of dog along with whatever ailments he or she may have. For instance, we got a sitter who had had the exact same breed as our DDog, and had nursed and medicated it into old age with the exact same condition ours had.

The only downside with Trusted Housesitters is that your son/daughter will have to vacate the house while the housesitter is there. You don't pay the sitters, you see, but the quid pro quo is that they get a free stay in your house.

QuartzIlikeit · 09/07/2025 10:17

No way would I let either my DC 19 & 20 look after our dog if we went away. In the day if we both have to go to into work occasionally is fine but not overnight.

They just wouldn't prioritise her in the way I think she should be and she would be miserable left with them (they love her and enjoy spending time with her but thats on their terms & not hers).

We chose to get her, not them, and every time we go away we pay for 'doggy holiday homes' so she is living with a dog loving person who knows how to care for her and treats her excellently. She has her own holiday whilst we have ours. It is expensive but as I say, we chose to get her and she is our responsibility not our DCs.

Paying for your DCs holiday later in the year is a different situation and unless you agreed to pay for it only on the condition that they look after your dog whilst you are away I don't think it is fair for you to change your mind now.

hepsitemiz · 09/07/2025 10:17

Cross posted with @MzHz

Clearinguptheclutter · 09/07/2025 10:17

NormalSunday · 09/07/2025 10:06

Normally we get live in house sitters, who care for Ddog. However the agency we use doesn’t allow a sulky teen as part of the deal. I’m not sure any live in dog sitter would also want a teen to ‘care for’
I know they are being obtuse, I just needed a sense check. I get it’s more responsibility than they are used to - but surely that’s part of transitioning to an adult and realising the world doesn’t revolve around you!

get the sitter in and send the dc to a friend or family

don’t fund dc’s holidays! Though you could part fund as part of a “deal”, it doesn’t sound like they would be trustworthy enough to look after ddog

Cadenza12 · 09/07/2025 10:17

Fund a good dog sitter. Unfund the skiing.

MzHz · 09/07/2025 10:19

Doteycat · 09/07/2025 10:06

I dont think the 17yr old is responsible for this.
You should sort proper care for your animal, just like you would have had to do if the teen had said yes to coming with you.
TBH, never mind about the 17 year old not wanting to do it, it just sounds to me like the actual ADULT, YOU, doesnt want to pay for kennels.
If you own an animal you should have these things in place so it doesnt cause them stress when it comes to it.
This is on you IMO, and its not up the the 17yr old to give you a dig out..
His/her ski trip is a separate issue and has nothing and should have nothing to do with this situation you have created for yourself.

Rubbish! My dog has never been in a kennels, we looked at him staying with someone to look after him with another of his breed, but he was super stressed about it. We didn’t assume Ds would do it, but when the home stay option didn’t work, when I asked him, he said “it’s my dog too, of course I’ll look after him”

@NormalSunday child has trips funded, roof over head and dog is part of family. It’s a week or so out of 52.

my ds doesn’t walk dog any other time of year, dh and I do it between us, but if I need anything in terms of help, ds steps up.

this is how it should be.

Pivilepivling · 09/07/2025 10:20

We went away when our DC were a similar age. They looked after our DDog, it wasn’t even up for debate. They just did it. Your DD is a brat.

harriethoyle · 09/07/2025 10:20

Find somewhere dog friendly, take Ddog and tell Ddaughter funding for her holiday has been withdrawn.

Pets Pyjamas is a great dog friendly accommodation website and Alistair Sawday has that as a filter.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 09/07/2025 10:21

We're using a pet service - they don't house sit £15 a day for cats - they drop by every day and see to the cats. So you can get drop in dog walkers - could be an option.

However first thing our teens have always said when staying by themsleves is they are happy to look after the cats - which are easier than dogs - but they haven't really needed asking took it as red they needed to and were enthusiastic.

Is there something particuarly diffcult about the dog - hard to walk or something?

I'd be annoyed and worried they couldn't be trusted to look after the dog now.

tinyspiny · 09/07/2025 10:21

I’d get the usual house sitter and tell the teen it has to go and stay at a relatives or friend for the duration , I certainly wouldn’t leave the teen to look after the dog as they likely won’t and I wouldn’t be funding their holiday unless it’s a holiday with you .

Dontcallmescarface · 09/07/2025 10:21

Tell him if he's not mature enough to look after the dog, then he's not mature enough to have a trip away with his mates.

poetryandwine · 09/07/2025 10:21

There is a well known crisis in HE with current undergraduates being unable to take responsibility for quite basic things. Fair enough to blame the pandemic in part, but we are some way past that now. Otherwise it seems mysterious.

The answers absolving DS of responsibility for the family dog are …,,, enlightening.

Coffeeishot · 09/07/2025 10:22

NormalSunday · 09/07/2025 10:06

Normally we get live in house sitters, who care for Ddog. However the agency we use doesn’t allow a sulky teen as part of the deal. I’m not sure any live in dog sitter would also want a teen to ‘care for’
I know they are being obtuse, I just needed a sense check. I get it’s more responsibility than they are used to - but surely that’s part of transitioning to an adult and realising the world doesn’t revolve around you!

I agree with you they should be responsible enough to care for the dog, we did it when one of mine was 17 they were working pt so we arranged a dog walker for the longer shift days, but the dc managed fine.

Doteycat · 09/07/2025 10:24

MzHz · 09/07/2025 10:19

Rubbish! My dog has never been in a kennels, we looked at him staying with someone to look after him with another of his breed, but he was super stressed about it. We didn’t assume Ds would do it, but when the home stay option didn’t work, when I asked him, he said “it’s my dog too, of course I’ll look after him”

@NormalSunday child has trips funded, roof over head and dog is part of family. It’s a week or so out of 52.

my ds doesn’t walk dog any other time of year, dh and I do it between us, but if I need anything in terms of help, ds steps up.

this is how it should be.

Show quote history

Rubbish.
Its up to you to make sure your dog isnt "super stressed" about anything
And " a roof over your head" at 17 is not something to beat them with.
What kind of parent does that?
When the 17 year old moves out, he wont take the dog with him, because its not his dog.
Your situation is not "how it should be" at all.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/07/2025 10:24

I have a different view to most people - I think if you want to go away, you should pay for dog care - kennels, a home boarder or a combination of a walker and your DC.

Whether your DC cares for the dog or not should have nothing to do with whether you pay for their holiday.