Screen free children

[screenfreemum]

Are there children who are screen-free? Ours mostly are (DD nearly 7 and DS 3) we don't have an ipad or a telly, which makes it a bit easier, I reckon. We do go to the cinema once every couple of months with 7 yo and she is allowed to watch films on my laptop on sick days, on a longhaul flight, and occasionally a programme if she's had a long day after school. She does get some screentime at school under the guise of education but that is also limited. 3 yo hasn't had any appreciable screentime, except for a glimpse here and there if his older sister is watching a film whilst ill. DH's sister lives abroad so we Facetime with her once a month. And of course if we're at a pub dinner or something they might see a football match on the telly, but otherwise don't have any screentime.

But it feels increasingly like we are outliers, I reckon everyone we know has much more screentime for their children. Friends sometimes talk about wanting to have less screen time for their children and I keep quiet as I don't want to seem precious about it.

Obviously this has been a conscious decision as I do worry about the impacts of screentime on DC (and later social media) but also I don't feel we've had to be too extreme to avoid it. Are there others who have kept their children (mostly) screen free? What happened as they grow older?

You’re going to have very strange, very socially awkward children. How bizarre.

Poor kids. So very unnecessary and strange.

I was a screen free child - we had no TV, and there were no computers then.

I waste half my life on screens now 😂

Keep doing what you're doing.
It's a sad state of affairs when people associate screen watching with having good social skills.

Why would screen use make children more socially able? It's the opposite. At these ages they're not missing out on anything and do watch movies etc. They have more time to play, explore andnsoend time with their oeers without screens getting in the way. The way too much early screen use has hindered language and social development is v apparent for anyone working with children.

Later on OP, you might decide to allow gaming or phones with safety features etc as, as teens especially, they do tend to use these platforms for communicating (unfortunate but almost unavoidable).

I think you're doing the right thing tbh.

My son had screen time all day every day for a long time and he's now chosen to stop completely because he saw a lot of nasty stuff on screens that he can't unsee now. It gives him terrible anxiety and panic attacks. They strange thing is that this is memories of computer games and youtube videos that he chose to watch at the time. I asked him not to because I could see that they were bad but at the time he acted as though I was a terrible mother and stopping him from doing stuff that he needed to do to be in with the crowd. But now, with hindsight, he realises it was a terrible idea.

He no longer watches youtube and doesn't play any video games at all. He has started a small business doing a screen-free trade job that helps him to meet people in the local community and life is much better. I think your kids will thank you in the long run.

Mine is 4 and they are, as are most of their friends. I did let them watch some TV when they were 3, daily for about an hour to give me an uninterrupted break and noticed they were genuinely getting addicted. They started to ask for it and not want me to turn it off, so I said it was broken and stopped it. We have never used screens while out. Kids don't need it, they only end up like this because of the parents. And there's no excuse for it, as much as parents will try to make an excuse.

While I aspire to be this parent unfortunately real life got in the way. Screens are everywhere. Wait until they visit friends, family, start hearing other kids talking about tv shows or video games, begging for it at Christmas….impossible to stop unless you want miserable children who think they’re missing out on what their peers have.

It depends on the age and you can set limits. Research is already showing screens are basically worse than nicotine, so as a parent you need to step up, I'm assuming you wouldn't let your young child smoke 🤔

Erm, what???

I think you are doing great. You do sound like you are not preaching to anyone. Think people are being a bit mean that your kids will be socially awkward. That’s just a ridiculous statement.

My cousin has done this with her child who is a very happy, bright, sociable 11 year old now. I really admire her for it because it can’t have been easy. Now she’s worrying about introducing the phone for secondary school because she’s concerned about her child being isolated if she doesn’t have one, but at least she has had a childhood free from screen addiction and she has learned that screens have to be used carefully.

My primary aged GC school only gives homework online, so for many being screen free wouldn't work. My youngest (born 1997) loved nature programs, her teachers used to be impressed by her knowledge. Seejng things is completely different to just reading about them. If you are naturally creative, screen free might work, but if you aren't, there's good ideas online. Before manga etc was popular, my youngest had found it. Screens give us access to the whole world and history. I often think what my great-grand parents would think about being able to 'walk' anywhere via Google maps. There can be amazing things on the screen and a load of rubbish printed in books.

I was certainly stricter with screens when mine were small. It was a long time before I allowed personal screens enter the house, I just think it’s bad for kids to spend a long time on a personal screen, totally immersed and not sharing the experience.

But ultimately screens will come in and i think we have to guide them how to use them widely. I have social media on my own phone and my 13 year and me watch it together and I talk about algorithms and how the social media gets you to stay engaged and it becomes addictive.

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know if I’m going the right things myself but I think long term banning them isn’t the answer.

I just read a thread about an 11 year old who spent 10+ hours a day on their phone so I think you're doing a great job! 🫶

This is so true . Screens aren’t all bad. So many lovely creative and learning type activities to be had.

Mine are 12 and 10, we have no tv or switch Mon-thurs and only set hours at the weekend. 10 year old is fine about it. 12 year is now an utter pest re phone. But mostly audiobooks, duolingo and some games.

my two still imaginative play with one other friend whos 13. All the boys seem to only be able to play sport outside of gaming. Suggest play in the garden to some of the girls and they little walk around like lost souls.

i think it is much easier in primary school, its also easier if you start early on the tech boundaries.

Same!

To be honest a lot of the adults you see addicted to their iPhones would have been brought up without iPads and smartphones etc. So clearly it isn’t going to avoid this happening once they are older.

I would be very happy without TV, everything I watch is on my laptop.

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, but I do think you may have to realise as your children grow up and fo on play dates they may have screen time at their friends houses, have goes on their iPads or phones.

so you still need to teach them about what is appropriate to watch and online stranger danger/ chat rooms.

Your children aren't screen free. Buy your own admission, you.Let them watch tv and occasional programmes on screens. So they're not screen free.

You’re in the minority and at your kids’ ages I don’t think it’s bad. I’d start thinking about how to introduce technology and helpful limits to build lifetime habits. They won’t be screen free forever - they’ll need to do schoolwork and make phone calls and send emails and messages. Your oldest DC must be on the cusp of that. It’s like junk food and in most cases alcohol. Lifetime abstinence isn’t going to happen, how do you teach them limits

No you aren't on your own, just the minority. We have a tv, that is rarely switched on and I own a tablet and DH has a laptop/PC but our DC does not have screen time or even want it. I remember when 1 of them was about one and I was very stressed, I put the tv on in hopes of 5 mins peace. They walked away from it, uninterested. Whereas my god daughter will come over and ask for it to be put on (same age). Although we will win no awards, I reckon we are doing the right thing 🤣

The other think to think about is the earlier you introduce it, the earlier you're stifling other interests, such as imaginative play, lego etc. It's the same as introducing sugary drinks, once you do that your young child won't be interesting milk or water, and hopefully that habit continues as they get older (which I have noticed in my wider family and friend group, they drink water not softdrinks like we used to)

How do you know how much screen time they have at school? It’s probably way more than you think - the white board is literally a screen, our kids do an iPad quiz about every single book they read from year 1, there are about 6 different learning apps, they watch newsround every day etc etc etc

You don't think it's bad at 7 and 3?!! 😳