Screen free children

[screenfreemum]

Are there children who are screen-free? Ours mostly are (DD nearly 7 and DS 3) we don't have an ipad or a telly, which makes it a bit easier, I reckon. We do go to the cinema once every couple of months with 7 yo and she is allowed to watch films on my laptop on sick days, on a longhaul flight, and occasionally a programme if she's had a long day after school. She does get some screentime at school under the guise of education but that is also limited. 3 yo hasn't had any appreciable screentime, except for a glimpse here and there if his older sister is watching a film whilst ill. DH's sister lives abroad so we Facetime with her once a month. And of course if we're at a pub dinner or something they might see a football match on the telly, but otherwise don't have any screentime.

But it feels increasingly like we are outliers, I reckon everyone we know has much more screentime for their children. Friends sometimes talk about wanting to have less screen time for their children and I keep quiet as I don't want to seem precious about it.

Obviously this has been a conscious decision as I do worry about the impacts of screentime on DC (and later social media) but also I don't feel we've had to be too extreme to avoid it. Are there others who have kept their children (mostly) screen free? What happened as they grow older?

I've never felt the need to be screen-free as it relates to TV. It's pretty clear that the 'harms' described relating to screens don't extend to a bit of CBeebies with breakfast. We've had generations of children grow up with a reasonable amount of TV without any noticeable ill effects.

We don't really have any other screens apart from my phone. She plays a bit of Playtime Island on it occasionally which seems equally harmless.

We don't have any in restaurants etc. or in the car but there has certainly been moments on long car journeys where I have fully understood other people's decision making 🫠

What? It’s the opposite. The kids that are glued to a screen aren’t interacting with anyone or anything. I was recently helping out back stage at my daughter’s dance show and the girls that arrived with an iPad were just glued to that the whole time. The other girls however chatted, practiced their dances, played games and drew.
You can even see it at the school gates. The toddlers that are sitting in the pram with mums phone or an iPad don’t even look up whereas the ones that don’t have anything interact with the adults, look at the birds etc.

Thinking about it, the last few playground games my children have reported playing have been screen related - the youngest playing some kind of Disney Princess role play game, and the eldest performing a makeshift dance competition based on some Netflix series she and her friends have watched. I can't help but feel there would be fairly substantial gaps in a child's cultural knowledge if they're banned from screens completely? I always remember feeling a bit left out at work because I was the only one who couldn't discuss the latest Breaking Bad episode on a Monday morning!

There's a huge difference between being glued to an IPad whilst out in public and fifteen minutes of CBeebies after school though. Surely most things are fine in moderation?

Definitely not sleepwalking into parenting here!

Screen use has actually helped my child socially, before he was completely non verbal with his peers.

When we introduced screens during lockdown for social and school work purposes, he was able to speak to his peers behind the screen. It was lovely to his voice, speaking to his friends, the voice that we hear and love.

It definitely gave him the confidence to be more social with his friends, where he was completely non verbal at school, he now manages a whisper but talks freely into his headset. No way would I take that away from him.

Wow! Some of the reasoning on here is wild! 🤣

It's not wild at all, it's exactly what happened to me.

I just happened to be talking to my young cousin and her friend today (both 19) who were visiting and TV, movies and screens came up. I said I don't allow anything as did do TV for a bit and my young 3yo DC seemed to get addicted. They both agreed and thought young kids on screens was terrible and why would you do this to your kids etc. These girls are 19 and even they think it! It was actually very interesting as I would not have expected that from young teens/adults, it goes to show even they know it's not a good thing

They are 19. What do they know about parenting?

Obviously nothing, but they know screens are bad! I think that is great, I would've assumed before that they weren't even aware or cared about that. So 19 yo are judging you when you use screens with your kids, they were talking about kids at shops and stores in their prams watching screens and how bad that was!

I agree with this. I grew up without a tv, and remember occasionally feeling excluded when my friends talked about the shows they'd seen - I still sometimes find myself not being able to join in a conversation where people reminisce about their childhood tv memories! But the important thing is, it didn't bother me as a child and it doesn't bother me now.
I remember feeling bored stiff and wanting to play when I was at a friend's house and my friend was watching tv, and the endless games I played with my siblings. Now that I'm an adult (and stare at a screen for 8 hours a day at work) I am very grateful to my parents for not having bought a tv until I was in my teens, it was one of the best things about my childhood.
My kids watch tv on weekends and school holidays, limited to an hour a day, and were completely screen-free during the first 4 years. I'm not hoping they won't spend a lot of time in front of a screen when they're older, because that's definitely going to be the case. It's about giving them more opportunities for free play and physical activity. Of course 15 minutes of tv is fine even for a 3 year old, but is it more beneficial than spontaneous free play?
Definitely not IMO.

Yes but surely that's a reason against screens, not for them?

So their response was, why would you do this to your kids?

Quite simple to answer that one! My child has selective mutism and was non verbal at school prior to screen usage. When we introduced screens, he was able to talk to them freely behind that screen and although he can't use that same voice face 2 face, he now manages a whisper. That is thanks to allowing screen usage where he found his confidence!

Just goes to show that it does have benefits!

Do you genuinely think that's a valid reason for screens to be the norm? Surely you realise that's an exceptional case?

A child that has 15 mins of TV will probably also have an abundance of spontaneous free-play, so they are unlikely to be missing out on any development. Even a bit of 7am TV, something around lunchtime and some CBeebies Bedtime hour using TV in managed amounts to ease the difficult parts of the day when it's not the time/ energy level for self-entertainment or going out is fine.

All day, no, not fine. But that would apply to anything that excludes other beneficial activities.

Children's and parents' energy levels peak and trough through the day (especially if the naps have recently ceased) so what they do through the day will vary. It's ok to have low effort, passive activities to get through those tricky patches.

The bigger question is does the rest of the day/ week have an appropriate range of stimulation and experiences (play, books, shops, parks etc, it doesn't have to be fancy stuff)

We have a TV but our kids don't know how to access or use it, so we put films on for them. We use DVDs so they can't get that instant gratification feeling from browsing Netflix etc. We used to let them watch dopamine-inducing shows when they were younger but stopped that after we realised how it was affecting their behaviour.

We have no tablets and they're not allowed to use our phones, unless they're taking a photo or talking to family via Facetime.

They're still young, only age 5 and under, but they're social, imaginative, and well balanced. It's so easy to be screen free in childhood.

I do realise it is an exceptional case which I have mentioned in a previous post. However if it wasn't the norm, he would have had nobody to speak to so of course I am more than happy that his peers and their parents believe it to have some benefits.

Also as he has educational needs, he requires a laptop at school as do many other children, if screen usage was not the norm then my child along with others would be significantly hindered educationally.

Now don't get me wrong, in no way would I want him to become addicted to screen time but I do think technology is only going forward and what better way to learn when you can be guided by those who love and care.

Personally I don’t think there are any huge risks with moderate “normal” tv usage for kids. By normal I mean like specifically putting on a show for them to watch and then turning it off when it’s over, like the 90s not scrolling on YouTube on a large screen.
There really weren’t these screen consequences when we all watched tv 30 years ago.
To be the problems are phones, iPads and constant control and engagement in media. A 3 year old should never be given a phone or an iPad to scroll through YouTube or Netflix. Thats what’s damaging, not watching the lion king in the living room sat on the sofa with your family.

I'm really pleased your DC is doing well and that technology has helped them, but for most children excessive screen use will be to their detriment, and I'm plesantly surprised young children like my cousin and her friend already recognise this

They don't even have TV? I grew up largely without TV (nothing to do with my parents, it didn't exist until I was 14). Compared to my UK-raised peers I have never found that I have had any related advantages that I can see.

These are all really good points. The ubiquitousness of computers and apps in schools, especially secondary school, mean that children are expected to know how to use them. Even in primary school my DD is expected to do some homework online (times tables rockstars; uploading things to Google classroom), and I can see that will only increase in secondary school.

In secondary school, socialising seems to be mainly done online and a child without a smartphone will probably be left out.

Even in primary school, it helps socially to know what is ‘in’ at the moment, which is mostly related to films/ TV/ YouTube. DD and a couple of friends play (and chat) on Roblox, which is also important socially. And this is all in a school that has signed up to be a ‘Smartphone Free School’ and where the majority of parents agree with this (none of her friends have a smartphone), and do have screen time limits (at least in DD’s Year 5 class).

We aren’t as hardcore as you. We don’t have a TV in the living room, me and DH have one in our room though. I grew up without a TV and then just never got one until I me and DH moved in together. Kids (DD6 and DS3, almost 4) get TV at nannas house and my in laws house, but they aren’t really that interested.

DD6 sometimes uses the computer for homework and she does this typing practice thing to learn to touch type. If one of them asks a question sometimes we will Google it together to find the answer. Sometimes we let them play games on the switch in our room, Mario Cart ect. They’re just not that interested. We play a lot of music and sometimes I listen to podcasts while I cook, so they are exposed to that.

I don’t think my kids are weird, well not weird in a way that makes other kids dislike them. DD has lots of friends and they all seem to like coming to our house. Do get a lot of comments asking where the TV is. One kid thought our mirror was a TV and asked how you switch it on. DS has his little mates and socialise quiet well, he is more shy and reserved but I don’t think that’s from lack of screen time I think he just takes after his dad.

As they get older, if they show interest I am happy to facilitate more screen time. I know it’s important for them to be tec literate - and I think they are both tec literate to an age appropriate level. Me and DH know enough about tec so that when the time comes we can sort parental controls ect, so I’m not super worried. My only hard line is I am not having a TV in my living room - I like it how it is. I will accept one in the extension though.

Screen time needs to be managed not banned.

A huge amount of society these days revolves around screens from work and learning to leisure and communication.

Banning screens to 0 hours per day is just as bad as being on them 24/7.

We have a tv, but my kids (5, 3, and 7 months) don't have access to tablets, videogames or phones and they won't do until they're at least in high school. I honestly don't see what benefit screens would have in their lives right now.

Screen time (particularly smart phones) have been detrimental to skills for kids, but having no screen time at all is extreme.

It just needs to be parented and balanced.

Lots of secondary schools are now banning smart phones completely, so pupils can't even have them in their bags. I support this, and my younger two won't get a smart phone until they're 16. They can have a dumb phone so can message and call friends.

I absolutely hate seeing Y6 kids coming out of primary schools on phones. If I hear one more parent say they have one for safety, well they clearly haven't see their child almost be hit by a car because they're so absorbed in their phone!!

Giving a child unlimited screen time is just bad parenting.

But... gaming can be very sociable. My 14 year old loves gaming, but his time is limited based on other activities he does. If he wants 10 hours of gaming, he needs to have done 10 hours of music practice, sports, maths, homework etc... It's a privilege that is earned.

@screenfreemum if screen free works for your family, then that's fine. I'd be more worried about the kids going screen crazy when they become independent!