Screen free children

[screenfreemum]

Are there children who are screen-free? Ours mostly are (DD nearly 7 and DS 3) we don't have an ipad or a telly, which makes it a bit easier, I reckon. We do go to the cinema once every couple of months with 7 yo and she is allowed to watch films on my laptop on sick days, on a longhaul flight, and occasionally a programme if she's had a long day after school. She does get some screentime at school under the guise of education but that is also limited. 3 yo hasn't had any appreciable screentime, except for a glimpse here and there if his older sister is watching a film whilst ill. DH's sister lives abroad so we Facetime with her once a month. And of course if we're at a pub dinner or something they might see a football match on the telly, but otherwise don't have any screentime.

But it feels increasingly like we are outliers, I reckon everyone we know has much more screentime for their children. Friends sometimes talk about wanting to have less screen time for their children and I keep quiet as I don't want to seem precious about it.

Obviously this has been a conscious decision as I do worry about the impacts of screentime on DC (and later social media) but also I don't feel we've had to be too extreme to avoid it. Are there others who have kept their children (mostly) screen free? What happened as they grow older?

I agree! Specially when all studies show how screen time impact negatively on all skills! How utterly insane are the pps saying less screen time will lead to socially awkward kids 🙄 How is staring at a screen teaching social skills?

I am so, so thankful I wasn't allowed my own laptop and phone until relatively older. I didn't grow up in the age of social media being everywhere and the type of smartphones we have nowadays, but there was social media, and smart phones were beginning to be more like they are now. I begged my parents for my own laptop and phone, and they relented in my early teens, and I am SO thankful they didn't give them to me as an actual child.

It hasn't hurt my tech literacy now as an adult, or when I was a teenager. But it did allow me to actually use my imagination and get bored and have to come up with things to imagine and play and do. I don't think many kids get that chance now.

Why no telly?

I only know a couple of families that have managed this and their children are great; bright, confident, chatty and keen in Lego, drawing, music and comic books (the fancy kind). I think more parents will follow this path as evidence mounts as the negative impact of screens on children.

My kids were pretty screen free when they were little. Similar set up to you. It wasn’t so much that we made an effort to ban it, more we just didn’t even own any ourselves and have never been into the latest gadgets or TV etc.

As they approached their tweens they both wanted phones. For my eldest we were very strict at the start. She had her first phone around 10. Wasn’t allowed social media. Just old fashion text messages and 1 or 2 games including the times table rocks stars etc.

Then Covid hit and we had to get iPads for home learning but they haven’t been used since Covid.

They are both teenagers now and have full unrestricted use of iPhones. They are pretty good with them. They aren’t obsessively on them and don’t obsessively post their lives on social media. They mainly use Snapchat for keeping in touch with friends and making plans. They scroll tiktok occasionally and that’s where they get their news from, although this does bother me and I try to tell them they need to fact check what they see on TikTok.

I think us not being very techy as a family generally has meant that my kids are just not that bothered.

My twins never had phones until their 16th birthday .
They are neither socially isolated or odd.

What I have noticed in the year since they have had phones is how much time they now waste on shit.
It couldn't go on forever but I don't regret for a moment they they didn't have phones any younger.

Little sister of 13 wont be getting a phone either.

It gets very very hard when there is constant reliance on screens in schools (times table rock stars, reading comprehension apps, there are loads). Then add in that all their friends are watching tv or playing games, and there's a big focus on discussing characters, games, role playing favourite themes.

My parents and DHs controlled screens, we are both as screen addicted as anyone else as adults.

I wish they'd never been invented.

I wish I’d done this! Mine were fairly limited on screen time. But once they reached secondary school, I realised they could potentially find it difficult socially not being included in chat with their peers.
I bought my son a gaming thingy, barely seen him since 🤣. Joking aside; it’s v hard to get him off it.

What happens if they go out and get lost/ need to contact you in an emergency? Do they not have a basic phone?

You could just ask one of the other millions of people around you if you could use their phone? 🙄😒

when they dont know how to use it?

as a teenager id be so embarrassed having to ask someone and admitting I didn’t know how to use a phone

Of course they'd known how to use it, ffs. Just because they aren't glued to one doesn't mean they won't know how to use it, or they could just ask the person to call? There are various options. Are you actually serious? 😳

I guess despite not being into screens I think it would be good giving a basic Nokia phone incase an emergency happened and nobody was around.

That's fair, although I suspect in this day and age that scenario is highly unlikely

Yes mine are screen free ish, they get some telly at grandparents house once a week, and that includes some dvds that we picked together, but when at home will spend their time playing or reading.

In restaurants we take colouring books or books.

Everyone I know allows screen time for their children and all also have TVs. The most strict I know only allow it at the weekends.

My son spent some time in hospital last year and he had hours of screen time, it kept him occupied when he couldn't do much but most importantly, kept him socially connected with his friends.

Now it's more limited but he gets it daily, he enjoys talking about the latest footie match with his friends, about the games they are playing etc and I feel would be missing out socially if he had little to no idea what they were talking about.

Sure, but you could allow an hour a day maximum say and that should be sufficient to 'keep up'? There's a different between knowing what's going on and being addicted to your phone. I also think it really depends on the age of the child/teen. The problem is one or two parents allow it then the rest follow. Hopefully the tide will turn and they'll be the one pressured not to allow it. It really comes down to peer pressure, and I think this generation of parents find it hard to say no as they're more sympathetic to peer pressure for their kids. I know I definitely worry about this myself when my DC gets older

Yeah, I think about an hour or so a day is enough to keep up. It isn't excessive either and means kids aren't missing out.

My son is 9 and he definitely has more screen time than when he was much younger.

Hilarious that regular MN users are preaching about screen time.

Mate, you’re on here, a forum site that the vast majority of people you meet don’t use, going on about how screen free and virtuous your kids are going to be 🤣

DS is 4 with ASD. We used to let him watch sn hour of Cbeebies after preschool and have movie night once a week but found he became completely addicted and his behaviour was wild when we wanted to turn it off and he was constantly asking for the TV. He also has a niche interest in tractors so liked to watch YouTube videos of real tractors going round a field. This became an obsession. We decided to completely cut out all TV to avoid the meltdowns around it and he doesn't ask for it anymore.
I wanted to keep him off gaming for as long as possible when he's older for the same reasons. I hear of so many boys doing that all night long

I don't think TV is a problem for kids personally as long as it's not excessive
I watched alot of TV as a kid and was a straight A student - no issues.

They said the same thing about people with their heads in books decades ago.

At the end of the day society and commmunication is evolving. Children need to learn how to navigate that in a safe way. I was of the generation that grew up with ask Jeeves and encyclopedia britanica on dialup. My parents knew nothing of the ability to communicate with strangers in msn chat rooms when I was learning to navigate the web as an unsupervised child 3 decades ago. Some parents also needed TV adverts to remind them if they knew where their children were at 10pm. Many of us were given instructions to go out and play with our mates but be back before dark.

Using information technology is a skill I believe all children should learn to navigate safely or else they run the risk of being left behind in an ever more technologically advanced society. I'd far rather my children being safe where I know where they are, talking to their school mates on a game in collaboration than out in the fields after dark rushing to get home before getting a hiding for being late. But thankfully times have changed in many ways.

You really can't compare kids on screens with books 🤨 🤦🏻‍♀️

My children (5 and 8) don't use screens. They play together, read books, draw pictures, ride bikes, go to the playground. Is it really that unusual?

Although I don't think you're bragging, I see so many people brag about screen free kids which becomes irritating 😂 Glad you don't talk about it in front of your friends!

My son is almost 2 and he HAS watched some things, mostly Ms Rachel and trains (obsessed with trains), and at 10-15 mins max at a time, maybe twice a week or something like that and usually when I need to sort admin or concentrate quickly on something. I do show him photos and videos of himself or of his friends on my phone too and obviously he has had video calls with grandparents/uncle, so he's not screen free (like yours aren't completely screen free either) - but I personally always feel the stricter you are on something, the more obsessed a child will become because they think its prohibited goodness? So whilst he has never watched more than 15 mins at a time - we're fairly lax and won't cover his eyes if someone has the tv on at their house or screens at pubs like I've seen some friends do!! And when I say it's time to switch off, he's fine with it. And when he sees screens elsewhere, it's just... background noise to him as its nothing new? So he just carries on playing really.

In terms of your 7 year old, I have a friend who isn't strict on screen time for her 3 kids, but they prohibit their 7 year old binging on YouTube and watching what his peers watch. As a result he has been bullied for practically the whole year for "not knowing the latest trends/slang" and being seemingly more immature than his peers and thus often made fun of and laughed at (poor kid has to move school because of it!). Obviously my friend hasn't given in as she doesn't want him to watch things which probably aren't suitable for his age just to fit in, but it's something to think about which MAY happen now that some parents are becoming more and more liberal with screens.

Just to add - my immigrant parents were often working hard the whole day and never worried about my television time 😂 I would choose to keep watching the same film three times a day - and I still love watching TV, my phone and work at a computer daily 😂😂😂

We had some relatives that kept their children off screens. Once they were teens they chose to spend all the time they were allowed at friends houses (and our house)rather than be at home because they wanted to watch stuff on Netflix etc that their friends were watching and also wanted to see what their friends were seeing on SM. Oldest has just done his first year at uni and hasn’t been home, even for Xmas. The parents were too strict on screens and other stuff and it has really impacted their relationship. I think moderation is key, as with most things. My kids had small amounts of screen time from being toddlers, had a phone from starting secondary school and were taught to use it responsibly and to enjoy other activities too. Thats much better than just avoiding something which will be part of their lives going forward.