Screen free children

[screenfreemum]

Are there children who are screen-free? Ours mostly are (DD nearly 7 and DS 3) we don't have an ipad or a telly, which makes it a bit easier, I reckon. We do go to the cinema once every couple of months with 7 yo and she is allowed to watch films on my laptop on sick days, on a longhaul flight, and occasionally a programme if she's had a long day after school. She does get some screentime at school under the guise of education but that is also limited. 3 yo hasn't had any appreciable screentime, except for a glimpse here and there if his older sister is watching a film whilst ill. DH's sister lives abroad so we Facetime with her once a month. And of course if we're at a pub dinner or something they might see a football match on the telly, but otherwise don't have any screentime.

But it feels increasingly like we are outliers, I reckon everyone we know has much more screentime for their children. Friends sometimes talk about wanting to have less screen time for their children and I keep quiet as I don't want to seem precious about it.

Obviously this has been a conscious decision as I do worry about the impacts of screentime on DC (and later social media) but also I don't feel we've had to be too extreme to avoid it. Are there others who have kept their children (mostly) screen free? What happened as they grow older?

Sorry but you're either completely oblivious or delusional about the dangers kids are exposed to online. You knowing where they are physically because they're on their tablet in their room, just means that - you know where they are physically. It doesn't mean theyre safe.

I think what you’re doing is sensible. Growing brains are so susceptible. Sure, when they get older and can control their screen time more they may spend more time on it than you’d like. I’ve said this before, if I had my time again I’d be much stricter with screens, and my kids think I was strict!

It’s up there with food. I was always very particular about what I fed them and what I allowed them to eat. Yes, when they got old enough and had money they ate much more crap. But when their little bodies were growing they were growing on good nutrition and I gave them the best start I could.

@Teddyhasgonetobed id much rather my kids had to rush home after dark than because they were physically with their mates than on a screen.

I’ve cut screen use right down to watching a film now and again. Yourube kids in particular made me really uncomfortable. It’s just designed to get kids addicted to spending hours watching it.

whoever said screen free time would make kids weird is completely wrong - screens stop kids learning other types of play and socially interacting with others.

i realise this is going to change once my kid becomes older but while he’s still small this has felt like the right decision.

A lot of Waldorf school kids will be screen free. The trouble is, it's become such an extreme stance to take (in that it's unusual, there will be peer pressure for the kids and the parents, lots of cultural stuff happens online, etc.) it's really difficult to hold that line and you tend to only find families who are quite disconnected from mainstream culture. Which isn't necessarily a terrible way to bring up your kids, but if you aren't fairly well off one way or another, it may leave your kids in a vulnerable position as they get older.

I'm pretty pro-screens for kids over the age of 5ish. I think they still need plenty of time doing other things too, but my kids have gained huge amounts from screen time. Since the pandemic, when it was a lifeline socially, they haven't had any time limits as such (other than bedtime!).

I think it's a great approach.The less screentime the better. It gets harder as they get older as they want to fit in with what their friends are doing.

In retrospect i wish i had been stricter on screentime. Luckily I have 2 pretty well rounded young adults.

Lolllllllllllllllllll

I think when previous posters have mentioned the kids growing up to be socially awkward, it’s because there are so many screen-related references in playground talk/games. For example, at the minute the girls in my child’s class are making up dances at break time to songs they’ve learned from a kid’s film on Netflix. Kids can actually get ideas for imaginative play from things they watch. It can be quite isolating to be that child who has no idea what anyone else is talking about.

What a strange stance. I've got 4 kids, when they were little we barely used screens. Now they are teens/adults they do but far less than their peers. They are probably far more sociable than many of their peers. Some of whom barely go out as they constantly game. Whereas mine love going out, doing sport, and are extremely sociable.

Thing is if you take anything to extremes there will be negatives

TV has some amazing stuff
There are great films
And internet has introduced us to much comedy and just fun clever stuff

Being able to use technology as a tool, or being able to guide yourself through it, or even having to have difficult conversations around the negative aspects of, well social media or eventually porn is if not essential, important nowadays.

Saying all screens bad is like saying all adults peadoes. It’s just not true.

You were on a screen yourself OP starting a discussion about yourself, possibly looking for validation about your choices. Screens can give that validation to your children as well.

It’s not no screens = good v screens = bad

When our kids were small they had tv in the front room, usually animation films, some tv. They got smart phones when they went to secondary and traveled solo.

Got gaming a bit older than most
were not allowed Fortnite when 10
were not allowed 15/18 games - we were not completely rigid about age certificates but they were guidelines

they have never had social media
they don’t post online pictures

what they can do is navigate it

the show us some amazing stuff, fun science stuff, crazy fantasy worlds, we wonder around google maps - the youngster rolls his eyes when we enquire whose side of beef are we on with Drake v Lamar etc

we have introduced them to fun comic strips, inventive websites (the one where you take a photo of a pike of Lego and they send you something you can make out of it)
we all play music to each other

there are hundreds of thousands of amazing people online who are happy to give their time, inventiveness and knowledge for free - it’s not all about fake selfies

“oh you can’t say that you will get cancelled in uni” - fun conversations

our teens read, exercise, hang out with friends, one has just sat GCSEs and needed reminding but revised, they do chores, we can take them to any environment, they volunteer, have jobs, they teenage swear with friends (they all do) but can curb their language, they cycle around safely, run errands, look after their grandma - and yes they do game - but it’s just part of their life not al of it

there was a bunch here last weekend they later darts and DND - not a screen between them
they hold poker sessions and play basketball

screens are here to stay being part and using them as the amazing tools they can be is not detrimental

there is more computing power in a smart phone than they had when they first landed on the moon

we trust our kids to make the right choices - and that includes screens and phones

screens are not the problem

how you use them can be a problem but you throw out the baby with the bath water by having no screen rule

we like and use screens as tools, entertainment and communication and by them using screens this way they throughout their lives now they are independent ish they handle their screen use well

Mine grew up watching their favourite videos on repeat. They’re all in their 30s and just fine. I think it’s internet that needs limiting- give them screen time that you can control.

We're not screen free for my 4yo, but the only screen he gets is TV, which we watch together as a social activity.

It does make us feel like outliers. All the parents I know limit screens to a greater or lesser extent but I don't know many who never allow iPad time (we don't own one) or who never allow unsupervised TV.

I think it's well worth it for us. I expect it will keep getting harder once he's at school and feels left out. He won't be having a smart phone until he's 16 and I know he's going to feel like an outsider for that. We're just trying to equip him with the skills and information to navigate that in an age appropriate way.

More and more parents are moving away from screens and smartphones so it is an improving picture overall, but it's a hard world to navigate.

Wow that's shocking if your an outlier and your child is 4 😖 Mine is 4 too, and most of his friends are the same no screens, not even TV

Seriously? WTAF?
Her kids will most likely be emotionally well adjusted, learn faster and have their own opinions. As opposed to the 98% of kids whose parents can’t be bothered and just stick a screen in front of them. We’ve lost a generation to the myth of educational screen time and you think her approach is wrong?

My kids were screen free until secondary school (they are both now 15) other than a bit of telly. They are both bright with lots of friends. We are still a social media free house (mumsnet doesn't count right?) so glad we did it this way. Stick to your guns.

My daughter has access to the free TV. She is 8. However she lasts about 5 mins watching it saying it's boring and returns to playing with Playmobil or outside. She has a huge group of friends and seems very social so not effected her. She doesn't have access to an iPad, games etc as we don't have any. She has access at friends houses but tbh that all don't seem that bothered by them and when she goes for playdates the children just play with Barbie etc. Maybe children are on screens more at secondary. They don't seem bothered in primary.

Fair enough, you raise your child in the way that you feel is best for them Op, it isn’t anybody else’s business.
Things you will need to think about and have a clear plan for the (not too distant) future:

What about play dates and sleepovers, will you allow them time on devices at their friend’s house? If not, you will end up hosting most and putting extra effort into entertaining them.

What about Secondary school, will your dc have phones for travel safety and staying in touch with friends. If not, how will you help your child to stay in contact with friends?

Do you have an age in mind when you will relax your stance on screens or just see how it goes?

Will you sit down with your child and ensure that they have the necessary tech skills to navigate Secondary school? In addition to Computing lessons which assumes quite a high baseline, DC has everything through a school app (time table, homework, behaviour points) Then homework is accessed through further websites which he had to find and set up his own accounts/passwords then navigate to the correct page. His lunch money is on another app. He applies for clubs through a different website.

Honestly at Secondary school screens are used a great deal so if you stay screen free until the end of Primary please set aside a significant amount of time in year 6 to get dc up to speed, otherwise Secondary will be a huge shock and they may resent your earlier decisions.

That was my initial thought tbh 😆

My oldest was 4 when he had to be homeschooled through Covid. Would have been impossible without screens!

I think most people have restrictions. We only allow TV at the weekend We dont have strict limits on time but it usually worksnout to be Saturday morning cartoons/film and Sunday afternoons.

No computer games, tablets, phones, YouTube etc.

We found early on that a lot of kids tv (Peppa Pig) were so short and self contained that we would see tantrums afterwards because they wanted more (films were fine as they told a full story over a decent period of time). So we do regulate what is allowed- anything with attitude, sass or results in tantrums is banned.

We didn't allow any TV until 2 as I had some post natal stuff going on that meant I was super strict about following rules. I don't know if this was useful or luck or just development but we did find DD was happy to watch full films at that point. We also made it clear that if she was watching TV, she was watching tv; it wasn't something to have on in the background during playtime. So I don't think it's affected her concentration.

I think you find it the other way.

Screens have actually helped my socially awkward child who also has selective mutism.

Before covid, he never spoke at school, not once to any other children. When we went into lockdown, we allowed screen time because that is where school work was set. We also allowed child friendly apps so they could still interact with their friends.

This was absolutely the best outcome for my selective mute child, he actually found the confidence to speak to his peers behind the screen and upon returning to school after lockdowns, he managed to whisper in front of his peers. That was a huge turning point for him.

Even with the interventions we have in place for him, I am not sure we would be where we are at today if it wasn't for the screen use during lockdowns. He still manages to talk to his peers over screens now with the voice that we, his family hear everyday but face to face they will only hear a whisper.

He has also been granted the use of a laptop in school which has been a huge benefit to him educationally, without it, it would have such a detrimental effect on him.

I appreciate my childs circumstances are more unusual but just wanted to put it out there that screens can and do have benefits.

Do what feels right for your family. In ours at 8yo, that looks like 15 minutes earned through learning midweek and 30 minutes on a weekend day. Sometimes there may also be a family movie on a Sunday afternoon if the weathers bad or we’ve just had a really busy week

Yes! And I imagine there’s going to be a lot more of us in the next few years. Our school is also very low tech and a lot of the parents follow suit so less worries about being left out.

I was a screen free child and I'm fine. My son watches TV a lot but we don't have tablets or anything like that. He also takes part in a competitive sport so super active. Carry on doing what you're doing op. Being screen free didn't make me addicted to screens as a teen/adult. I'm very grateful I spent my childhood outdoors/doing crafts/using my imagination.

I know three screen free families. Tbh I envy them! Dc was screen free until about 2 but then DH and Granny kept putting the TV on and now DC watches it during breakfast and a bit after school. No ipad though, and I don't allow it at restaurants or out and about except for aeroplanes.

I have friends who didn't have a TV growing up and tbh they are all interesting people who aren't that in to the TV as adults either and I don't feel like they missed out on much.

No by the time they are 14 they will be more or less average like everyone else.

Can you tell which 14 year old was breastfed or bottle fed?

It's how you are in the real world as an adult which has more influence on a child. The OP seems quite judgemental, assuming that others have much more screen time and that it's really not that hard to limit it.

So screens or no screens OP is shifting the goalposts to have more judgemental on others children. Some might see that as a good thing, some may not.

It's how you use screens on the whole.

When we took ours out for a drink and there was nothing better to do ours played chess against each other on a phone. Is that such a bad thing? This was an unexpected stop, when we didn't have a game or book or newspaper with us. They learnt chess from their dad, with an actual board and pieces, but could easily adapt to using their phone, game play was still chess.

If you don't think your child can handle the rules around screens, or might be easily swayed, or could not have the skills to be able to navigate or regulate their usage, then yes extreme limits on screens are probably best, but if you have a generally average kid who knows your rules are in their best interests (even if they do disagree with them at the time) and are savvy enough to know what to fill their time with and what not to, then screens are just like a full games cupboard or library, or cinema, in your pocket. And just like you wouldn't let a 7 year old play Cards Against Humanity, or read books on descriptive murders, you have parental controls on the internet. It's no biggie.

Some kids are lovely, with or without screens, some kids are dreadful with or without screens. It's not the screens that determine this.