Screen free children

[screenfreemum]

Are there children who are screen-free? Ours mostly are (DD nearly 7 and DS 3) we don't have an ipad or a telly, which makes it a bit easier, I reckon. We do go to the cinema once every couple of months with 7 yo and she is allowed to watch films on my laptop on sick days, on a longhaul flight, and occasionally a programme if she's had a long day after school. She does get some screentime at school under the guise of education but that is also limited. 3 yo hasn't had any appreciable screentime, except for a glimpse here and there if his older sister is watching a film whilst ill. DH's sister lives abroad so we Facetime with her once a month. And of course if we're at a pub dinner or something they might see a football match on the telly, but otherwise don't have any screentime.

But it feels increasingly like we are outliers, I reckon everyone we know has much more screentime for their children. Friends sometimes talk about wanting to have less screen time for their children and I keep quiet as I don't want to seem precious about it.

Obviously this has been a conscious decision as I do worry about the impacts of screentime on DC (and later social media) but also I don't feel we've had to be too extreme to avoid it. Are there others who have kept their children (mostly) screen free? What happened as they grow older?

It always amuses me when people dont let DC watch TV as if its a wonderful thing.My DD was addicted to Teletubbies ,loved Playbus ,and watched the worst witch with her big sister.As a teenager she watched horror movies with her friends and loved BGT and the movies .Worked hard .went to Uni 3 science A levels ,Did a Masters degree in Physics.Working in industry now well above 50k!

Mine enjoyed lovely kids’ TV programmes but that was the extent of it - no phones or x-box until age 11. They read loads. I felt proud. Now they are teens they are screen obsessed and read much less. I’m still glad they had a reduced-screen childhood, however I would hate to have missed the joy of lovely kids’ TV programmes and the nostalgia and shared memories they will always have for them.

Limitations are good, but at some point they will need to use screens for better or worse. You can’t escape it when you need an app for so much. Have been helping my elderly mother

IMO the ‘screen free kids are social awkward’ argument doesn’t really hold up.

yes some kids who are screen free are a bit…different, but I don’t think that is to do with the screens. There’s normally lots of other stuff/parenting choices going on there too. Correlation is not causation.

I used to help run some summer camp type groups. We were told to be mindful of some kids not having a TV and therefore being left out (this was the 90s) We chose not to base our activities around cartoon characters etc but the number of times I actually saw kids being left out was..none? There were 1 or two conversations where I said ‘oh I’m not sure everyone watches the same programmes’ and then the conversation moved on.

we do have screens in our house but the kids behaviour is usually worse afterwards.

Our DS10 doesn't have a game console and he is an outlier in his class. Recently some kids in his class were taken on a bike trip paid for by the school as they are 'poor', he was told, and then he said, 'how come they are poor if they have a game console that costs 200+ pounds?' We feel like we are running out of answers here as kids grow up and we will finally have to give up or our kids will resent us... BTW son is very academic and loves books, it's probably one advantage of reduced screen time, but it doesn't look like it will last... it's just the world we live in - can't fight it.

I am an all things in moderation person. I have always hated the mindless TV as background noise thing, so when they were little I would only let them turn it on for something specific - ie to put a movie or particular show on. I think it made it feel like a treat, in a way. Like if we'd had a busy morning and wanted to chill out for a while we'd put a movie on.

They are now 18 and 15 so it's just a free for all, no idea if limiting it a bit when they were young made any difference, but neither are especially screen obsessed. They both went through a x-box phase at about 12-13, seems to be a thing for that age (or maybe just boys?).

I do have one friend who is no screens at all, and her kids seem fine with it, but she is pretty alternative about everything and a bit of a hippy - her kids were born at home, have never attended school, they live very rural and off-grid, only hang around other homeschooling kids, etc. So I don't think they feel like the odd ones out as they might in a more conventional life!

I have never known anybody without a telly so for that yes I would say you are outliers.

He was told by the school that the trip was for the ''poor'' kids?

I know, as if that happened and if it did happen his response of how come they're poor if they have a games console is vile actually. I wouldn't be bragging about my child having that attitude to be honest.

People on lower incomes are allowed to own things too.

Well, that's what he told us - it was paid for, because they didn't have the money to go. Honestly, I have no idea how such things work, but kids talk about it at school, there is a lot of gossiping already at that age - they are 10, so not stupid. Kids at that age figure out stuff very quickly and they talk a lot about stuff that happens at home, including their parents' private lives!

I think there’s nothing nicer than a film after room also on miserable winters day, when everyone’s got a cold and just not up for being productive.

Bowl of popcorn, blankets on sofa at 4pm, Madagascar film to cheer everyone up.

A film 4-6pm still means my son has another 12 ish waking hours a day to fill with everything else. It’s not like them watching some tv prevents all
reading, playing and sports

You have to use screens nowadays. Most children today will have to do all day to day documents, forms, banking, shopping, healthcare, via online. All nursery and school information is via app now.

I have just added Ds kids audible app to iPad and have been showing him how to use it, as we have a few long haul trips coming up and I don’t want to take Tonie box and figures due to space limitations . He’s found it easy, I have added Ronald Dahl, Julia Donaldson and other authors he already knows. It doenst mean he won’t ever read a physical book again, but taking 20 books will be too heavy. So I will limit to 3-4 favourites and the audio books will be as back up alternatives. You can have both

God count yourself lucky! I find it really tricky when so many parents around us whip out the iPad in restaurants or soft plays and then I'm left fielding mine

My friends kept their house tv and screen free - they did still watch movies together sometimes on the laptop or in the cinema but it was every few weeks rather than every day. Neither parent has ever massively been into tv/films and are both academics so tend to read or play board games mostly. It lasted until their son was between 9 and 10 (during the pandemic) when they broke and got a small tv.

They do watch movies together now and their son got a switch last year, he also has an ipad as a lot of homework is online in secondary school. He has a certain amount of time on his switch so isn’t on it all the time the way my nephew and other boys his age are, he plays it for a bit but also reads, plays boardgames, does various sports. My friend is sad that he is into screens at all but realistically once they get older it is impossible - particularly with screens being used for homework etc…

Personally I think screens are fine in moderation and monitored. My kid doesn’t watch tv every day but probably about 3/4 times a week, I generally try and get her to watch things like alphablocks or Miss Rachel (Almost 4 years old) or the Julia Donaldson stories on BBC though she does end up watching proper cartoons about once a week. Some weeks we do movie nights on a Friday where we watch a Disney movie - most times it is Moana (obsessed).

There are skills kids need to learn in the modern age on computers and some programs can teach your child things, also socially kids do talk about the various characters to each other. I think having some monitored access that is centred around education and limited to a certain amount per day would be useful in teaching them about moderation. Some programs are designed to get us addicted so limiting these and turning off the auto start feature on apps like netflix. My kid doesn’t know how to work the remote control (which my nephew could do at two) because she isn’t left to choose her own programs.

We have a giant TV that DH & DS watch.
DS has never looked at any other device.
He likes taking photos on my smartphone.
He’ll be using tech at school, of course.

Yes that's definitely true, and mine is aware of more characters than he's actually seen for this reason,but I'm thinking specifically of a game he and his friends play based on Spidey. I don't let him watch it regularly because I think it's still too overstimulating for him but I let him watch a couple of episodes once so he'd know what his friends were talking about, and that was enough for him to fully enter into the game. His friend hasn't seen anything even remotely similar and doesn't seem to "get" it. Of course it may just be that my kid has more interest in role play and his friend doesn't, regardless of what they see.

I can see how this has happened. I’m a teacher and we select poorer families, primarily those who don’t work, to receive vouchers to support with Christmas, for local places so kids get days out during hols etc. It works in theory but in reality many of the working poor have less disposable income than the unemployed and I can see why seeing your friend with the latest iPhone and console etc receiving something meant for poorer families could be jarring. Schools try to hide it but kids catch on quick and many of our upper primary ones will even say things like “it’s cause my Mum doesn’t work.”

Quality matters. Not all screen content is equal.

Mine are 12 & 14 so tablets and smartphones weren't a major issue in the pre-school years anyway. We did have DVDs and used CBeebies (which was a godsend with an SPD pregnancy over a long, harsh winter).

It took some time for DS1's autism to be identified and diagnosed; the first thing he watched on youtube was videos of people playing with trainsets as I was trying to diversify his play and inspire him.

Tablets didn't enter the equation until they were in infant school and it was quite tightly managed for time and content.

They were 7/9 when Covid happened keeping them out of school, activities and preventing in-person socialising for 6+2 months, and that did significantly weaken my boundaries that could never quite shift back after so long and emerging at 8/10 into a world where peers often had smartphones and were far more online than they had been.

Now they spend much more time online than I would like, but a lot of that is social gaming with friends who aren't near enough for casual hanging out. They do have other interests including a few sports- more than their friends. Both are dyslexic so reading is not a relaxing hobby to them. DS1 uses his screen time to hyper-fixate on his warhammer hobby, and loves non-fiction documentary content. DS2 is not quite so worthy and is more into shouty gamers, but I've learned about what he's into from it. He's more likely to watch something like Gladators, The Apprentice and Race Across the World with me. He's currently working on re-writing a song and video editing to record his own version.

I feel like we've held a fairly realistic path in our circumstances and both DCs are doing well. Parents Evenings are loaded with praise for their general knowledge.

It is worth holding back when they're little, especially on un-moderated content, short form and un-managed algorithms. Gradually allowing for managed, beneficial content as they age is fine. I haven't gone down the absolutes path because DM could be like that, and it could be isolating when you are geninely being left out of mainstream culture. I particularly remember Australian soaps being banned purely out of xenophobia so was often left out of playground chat, and a lot of what was encouraged/ prohibited was very much about her preferences and inhibitions rather than my needs.

Ultimately we do end up in a world where technology is a vital tool, and in reality children are a part of that being part of their independence skills by transition to secondary school, and they do need guiding to that point appropriately.

Oh, I can understand other children talking about it or even a child just outright saying it's why they get it but it sounded like a teacher or someone told him that.

We received a lovely Christmas hamper from school this past Christmas as my son spent it in hospital.

TV is by far the least harmful form of screen use.
There are more important factors than money when it comes to the impact of screens later in life though, not so much for your daughter who sounds a similar age to me (I also grew up watching plenty TV and loved the worst witch!) but for the next generation whose screen use will be iPhones and not the TV.

For the current generation I’d be tracking things like are they happy? Can they entertain themelves without a screen in adulthood? Do they have fulfilling hobbies that help their mental health and bring them joy or are they a doom scroller? Do they feel confident in their body or are they wishing they looked like a tiktok influencer? Are they good with money or prone to buying whatever the adverts and influencers tell them to? Can they critical think or do they accept all mainstream news/social media info as facts? Is their attention span appropriate?

Oh I can’t see a teacher saying it either! I’d be pulled up by my head for that and with very good reason!

My DC's homework is set via Google classroom and school have been encouraging reading via screens since yr 1 infants. Because physical/paper books went missing they set everything digitally including reading and they've now been told to submit their spellings homework online too instead of handwritten as previously, maths is times tables rockstars so more screen time, all of the homework involves engaging with it. How have you managed to avoid screens so much does your child's school not do this? I'd prefer less screentime for all of us ideally but sometimes it feels almost impossible to do anything without one.

My Mum did this and my brother and I both started Uni with massive gaps in our knowledge and understanding of popular culture. References to films, games and TV going over our heads, not being able to join in chats about famous people, all the way through school. My brother went on the develop quite a serious gaming addiction and nearly fail his first year of University.

You’re doing the right thing. So many parents are sleepwalking into having children who are incapable of interacting in real life because they’re hooked on screens.

I think you’re doing great. Of course they’ll use screens when they get older, and will encounter them in the world often. But lots of the things on screens are made to be addictive. Lots of screen time for very young children can contribute to problems with attention, behaviour, emotional regulation, and inhibit their social development.

Limiting screen time for a very young child is essentially giving them the time and opportunity to engage in the real world. And it’s harder as a parent in the short term - screens are often the easy option.

Agreed, I had to homeschool a four year old alone while also taking care of a very lively one year old. The one year old got stuck in her Jumperoo in front of Baby TV more times than I can count, to give me an hour to sit and help with school work. It was an absolute lifesaver.

Yes, in an ideal world the baby would have sat quietly on my lap, or napped, or sat and played beautifully on her mat with some Montessori toys. But we don't live in an ideal world.

My eldest also got really into step-by-step drawing videos on YouTube during lockdown, learnt lots of techniques, and is now a really keen artist. She's also really into creating stop motion animation videos with her Lego figures - using an app on my phone. Sometimes technology is a good thing - in moderation.