Screen free children

[screenfreemum]

Are there children who are screen-free? Ours mostly are (DD nearly 7 and DS 3) we don't have an ipad or a telly, which makes it a bit easier, I reckon. We do go to the cinema once every couple of months with 7 yo and she is allowed to watch films on my laptop on sick days, on a longhaul flight, and occasionally a programme if she's had a long day after school. She does get some screentime at school under the guise of education but that is also limited. 3 yo hasn't had any appreciable screentime, except for a glimpse here and there if his older sister is watching a film whilst ill. DH's sister lives abroad so we Facetime with her once a month. And of course if we're at a pub dinner or something they might see a football match on the telly, but otherwise don't have any screentime.

But it feels increasingly like we are outliers, I reckon everyone we know has much more screentime for their children. Friends sometimes talk about wanting to have less screen time for their children and I keep quiet as I don't want to seem precious about it.

Obviously this has been a conscious decision as I do worry about the impacts of screentime on DC (and later social media) but also I don't feel we've had to be too extreme to avoid it. Are there others who have kept their children (mostly) screen free? What happened as they grow older?

Ours have been screen except for a TV which I was ok about.

they got phones at high school. Then the battles begin. But I’m told by every one of their teachers all through primary that their ability to concentrate is excellent and they can tell the kids they have access to scrolling devices early on (which is terrifying when you think about it!)

The fact that teachers can tell which kids have access to scrolling is probably more to do with the fact that there is a difference between kids who HAVE the type of parents that allow them to scroll rather than the actual scrolling itself. Parents who allow endless scrolling aren’t going to be the type to teach their children how to concentrate are they. If you allowed some mindless scrolling but were otherwise engaged and involved parents chances are the kids might be fine.

Mine’s a teen now, but didn’t have screens until she was three. I recall on here being told it was abusive not to let her watch Disney films! She’s never had restrictions on screen use as she’s never needed them.

What do you think we actually know about screen time and devices?

newtribe I don’t agree at all. Many very focussed parents allow iPhones and it shows up clearly, I can see it when their kids come to play. They are kids who are bored and ask to be entertained. The ones who have real screen limits will play imaginatively for hours

I agree. We're very similar with our DS...he uses screens to listen to his favourite music and to learn to type and that's about it. He's creative, amusing, friendly and manages his emotions a lot better than he did before we implemented this.

Agree, it's a nice excuse: "oh kids need to understand how to use the tech". More and more employers are realising that children/teens know how to pinch, swipe, and download apps, but can't actually produce a word document, send emails, add attachments to emails, manage spreadsheets, print a document, run a shared calendar, etc etc etc.

Screen tech is designed now to be a) addictive, b) un-fixable, and c) day-to-day profitable (ie. after you've bought the product, you'll keep extra paying money out because of what you see on there). None of that seems like stuff I'd want to inflict on children.

Teaching my kids not to keep paying money out just because an app made something available was one of my priorities with tech. Teaching them how to use social media without getting pulled into the FOMO trap or chasing likes. Getting them to understand that what is presented on a screen is a mirage. Etc. Pinch/swipe/download took about 30 seconds. The rest is what I want them to have a handle on before they’re adults set free in the big, wide digital world.

But I didn’t give them screen to teach them that, just as I didn’t take them to the park to teach them how to cross the road. I gave them screens because they’re fun and useful and made our lives better, for kids as for adults. Teaching them how to use them well is just a necessary part of life.

We know the people who design them won't let their kids use them

Each to their own.
I do limit screen time. Mine are only allowed screens on weekends and not allowed them out of the house. If we go on holiday etc there are no screens not even on the journey unless it's a flight with an inbuilt screen. I'm glad I've imposed no screens on trips because I do now have kids who know how to sit an occupy themselves on journeys without screens. And who are fully present when we spend time together as a family.
I think completely banning all screens is a step too far for me tho. My 10yo son has a tablet and a switch. My 7yo daughter doesn't have any tech but watches tv on a weekend if we are in and sometimes borrows her brothers switch to play on on the weekend. But most weekends we are out all day doing things.
My 7yo is autistic but luckily does not need a screen to regulate or anything like that.. I'm aware lots of autistic children do need to take screens out and about.

Some don’t. Most do.

Some Mumsnetters are so dour. As long as you use screen time properly (which is really not difficult) then playing video games is amazing unadulterated fun. My kids childhoods were fun filled and some of that fun was from video games. They played with each other, they played with their friends and they played with me. there nothing like fully immersing yourself into some video games. They are fun and they make you laugh a lot. As kids (and also now as adults) they read, they played sports, they played board games and they just messed about with their friends but they’ve always got an immense a mouth of pleasure from gaming.

If my kids come home to visit we always make sure we play a bit of Marioparty or something similar.

Plenty of evidence exists on the problems with screens. I work with children and have seen a definite difference in the attention span and mental well being since phones/screens became more common. Obviously my anecdotal evidence is not conclusive proof. A quick google brings up far more evidence of harm rather than good that is scientific.

What you are doing is great. But all screens are not equal. TVs which are one-way communication are very different to iPads/phones which are stimulating and require response. Games are a whole other ballgame. My personal experience has been that TV in small amounts is way way better than any device that needs user input and causes dopamine response. I have an 18 year old with whom we got screens wrong but she’s turned out ok (albeit a phone slave) and a 11 year old who is allowed TV but no touchscreens and laptop only for schoolwork.

It’s a balance which needs adjusting depending on their age and what they might benefit from. So far you are ok but do re-assess from time to time.

🤣 you must be one of those lazy parents trying to justify yourself.

There is much research coming out lately about screen time versus concentration time. The list of it is, social media sites such aa Tik Tok and Instagram are harmful to memory. Children scroll from one item to the next, whatever it is, and have constant dopamine hits. As a result they inadvertently need these dompamine hits and cannot stay with one thing for long enough. This then erodes concentration, patience and the ability to persevere with anything.

How lazy that after playing with their kids, taking their kids out, needing to cook or do housework, God forbid that they give their kids a little bit of screen time. That is SO lazy! Of course all children are great at playing independently, like yours. All children are the same and we don't need screens to keep them happy for 10 minutes so we can go take a shower.

Wow, did I touch a nerve??

@Itsnearlyxmas well, yeah. Calling people lazy for a shitty reason will hit a nerve. Funny that.

Ours (4+2) have the TV after evening meal time, for an hour, and that's it.

We do also have a tablet but that is only used for long car journeys (over 2 hours).

A child psychologist friend did say to me that her children had the TV whenever they wanted and they just treated it as another toy, and weren't addicted at all, they just wandered away from it and came back when they wanted. We wanted ours to have a good relationship with the TV and didn't want them just staring at it, like their cousin does (who has restricted TV time) so we tried this for our eldest but she would just sit, glued to the TV, for hours.

We changed overnight, and just said no. We told her she was only having the TV after tea and she got pretty angry for a day or so, but now she just accepts it and the difference in her creative play is noticeable. She now doesn't even ask half the time and suddenly it's bed time and she hasn't had the TV on at all.

Our son only has TV. I (personally!) don't think tablets are needed when out and about, including long car journeys. I never had that as a child so my son doesn't need it either. He just has TV like I did. When we go out for a meal with him, we take toys, stickers, books. During long car journeys he'll nap some of the way and for the rest of the way he's looking out for wind turbines and any other interesting things he spots! I appreciate that it isn't so easy with neurodivergent children however.
Like with most things, if kids have access to something, like TV, they actually get a bit bored of it. When the TV has been on for a while my son will want to do something else. I've already commented further up this thread - about how I've seen kids who don't get any are glued to the screen when they've had the freedom, whereas the other kids (who have screen time) weren't interested in watching!

I think you're doing the right thing. I had an almost screen free childhood and am so grateful to my parents. I did the same when my kids were younger; now that I've got two tweens I am more relaxed but interestingly I'm seeing they have way better self control when it comes to screens than their friends who were brought up with unlimited access. My youngest who has had the most screen time by virtue of being the youngest is also the most interested in screens.

I work with P1 and it is obvious and to be honest alarming the kids that have had a lot of screen time before coming to school.

I do agree @NewTribe that it's fun to play video games together but IMO it's not nearly as fun as playing sports together or even actually playing decent board games together. So it is absolutely something we do as a family but I find games like Mario Party pretty dull after about 15 minutes and they certainly don't give the same sort of satisfaction as say going out mountain biking or something like that.

@totalwinwin
I do agree @NewTribe that it's fun to play video games together but IMO it's not nearly as fun as playing sports together or even actually playing decent board games together. So it is absolutely something we do as a family but I find games like Mario Party pretty dull after about 15 minutes and they certainly don't give the same sort of satisfaction as say going out mountain biking or something like that.

My kids love playing sports including mountain biking and we play constant board games whenever we meetup. It’s great to do all different things but if you can’t manage to enjoy 15mins of MarioParty you are doing it wrong .(or maybe just not your families thing )

I think it’s easy to think screens are bad and video games are particularly bad when it’s simply not true if they are used properly.

Why would screen use make children more socially able?

All the evidence suggests it doesn't, @mikado1, and it's not uncommon to see a group sitting silently, all engrossed in their phones, rather than interacting with each other

Being connected isn't the same thing as being able, but those who'll let their children do anything for an easy life will never accept this

I think you be tagged me in error, my point was the same as yours!