Screen free children

[screenfreemum]

Are there children who are screen-free? Ours mostly are (DD nearly 7 and DS 3) we don't have an ipad or a telly, which makes it a bit easier, I reckon. We do go to the cinema once every couple of months with 7 yo and she is allowed to watch films on my laptop on sick days, on a longhaul flight, and occasionally a programme if she's had a long day after school. She does get some screentime at school under the guise of education but that is also limited. 3 yo hasn't had any appreciable screentime, except for a glimpse here and there if his older sister is watching a film whilst ill. DH's sister lives abroad so we Facetime with her once a month. And of course if we're at a pub dinner or something they might see a football match on the telly, but otherwise don't have any screentime.

But it feels increasingly like we are outliers, I reckon everyone we know has much more screentime for their children. Friends sometimes talk about wanting to have less screen time for their children and I keep quiet as I don't want to seem precious about it.

Obviously this has been a conscious decision as I do worry about the impacts of screentime on DC (and later social media) but also I don't feel we've had to be too extreme to avoid it. Are there others who have kept their children (mostly) screen free? What happened as they grow older?

Yeah weird how people are equating screen time with social skills or suggesting those kids will be awkward weirdos. I can see that it might mean that your kids won't always fit in or have the same cultural reference points as their peers, like they might not know about skibidi toilet, seriously what a loss!

Overall it sounds alright to me, more like how things used to be when we didn't really watch that much tv or screens as kids. Its pretty sad now to see young kids staring and scrolling like zombies on phones these days, the adults too!

No, I don't want my child to be unaware of popular culture and isolated from their peers, and I also don't want her to grow up unable to moderate screentime because she's had no opportunities to learn in a safe environment.

I find it bizarre that you have criticism on here - you are doing a great job and I think many of us would rather our kids had less screen time.

Mine are only 1 and 3. We don't do ipads or phones, but they do watch TV. Sometimes I'm happy just doing a bit, sometimes it slips to more than I would like. I know that behaviour is better when we go cold turkey and cut screen time, but it is really hard.

I agree.

That’s absolutely wonderful. Your children will be the richer for it. I think you are trail blazers, and many will follow the same path.

We have no devices eg phone/ tablet etc but my little boy does have tv.
we stick to cbeebies generally as I think the quality is better and some of the shows are educational

I have an exceptional case too.

My son spent 10 months in hospital until the start of this year. Screen time not only saved his sanity but kept him in touch with his friends.

Not to mention the VR headset which was used as a distraction technique when he had to have cannulas, dressing changes etc and other unpleasant things.

Or how they had a feature where you could virtually walk around the CT scan room or the theatre and be shown not only what it looks like but how things will work.

They can be amazing tools when used correctly.

As I said in my earlier post my kids were allowed screen from an early age but always (well, nearly always) in a purposeful way. There are two positives that I can see with allowing your kids screens and the first one would be because you can have an immense amount of fun with them. I couldn’t begin to guess how many hours of pure enjoyment we’ve had as a family or that the kids have had with each other playing video games. We have always been and still are massive board game players but that’s alongside video games. Both have a place.

Our original Nintendo64 still works and we still play games on it and all the future systems we have when the kids come home and we still have a brilliant time when we do. I can’t see any negatives to it at all. Mario, Bomberman, Link and Kirby etc etc are all an important part of my kids childhoods. I know not everyone is interested in video games but as long as you use them properly and have time constraints etc there is no issue. My kids never whinged when they had to stop playing because they knew if they did they wouldn’t have been allow to play the following day. Screen time was always a ‘privilege’ and never something I let them do casually. It’s not complicated unless you have a kid who has behavioural issues.
The second benefit of screen time is that if it’s used properly it can be very educational. One of my kids learnt all their letters and sounds from a video game really young, I thought they were playing a jigsaw game so was quite surprised when they started spelling out words . Another played chess against the computer and they all loved wildlife shows. I sure there are a lot more examples.

As always it’s not the screens that are the problem it’s the bad parenting.

Those first replies are so odd. My DCs and other children like them (I probably know around 10 of them) had no screens growing up (when others of their friends had iPads or their parents' phones) and just watched TV occasionally for full films, rather than In the Night Garden or whatever.

They got phones at 15, and have lots of friends, do lots of sports, are perfectly capable of completing and submitting homework online and, if anything, are probably less anxious, more confident, more imaginative, less comparative, and more open to the world because they don't sit on a screen almost every waking moment.

Some parents are insecure about their parenting and their child's status, and despite all the evidence, insist that giving a smartphone to an 11-year-old (or younger) is not just OK, but necessary and positive. You sound confident and responsible, and your children will only benefit from "missing out" on screens. x

My son is 23 and wasn’t allowed a mobile phone, social media or iPads. At 18 he brought his own phone but doesn’t have any interest in social media so still doesn’t have it.
He hasn’t grown up to be a socially awkward weirdo, he works as an electrician, goes on holidays with his mates and has lots of girlfriends/friends/dates. All of the normal stuff you’d expect from a 23 year old. I think no tv is a little over the top but not damaging like some are suggesting.

My kids are not in their room on devices they are supervised when on devices that means they are in the same room. They choose to spend time with us and share what they are watching & doing because we take an active interest.

As someone who was not protected as child I am well aware of the dangers and why we have put lots of safe guards and rules in place around their use. Including time limits for their health and wellbeing. But equally if they can not navigate technology it will reduce their job prospects as adults. At present its very likely to be a career choice of at least one child.

You may not feel as confident around technology to be able to navigate that for your child/children and thats a decision for your family. But very shortsighted of you to diss the choices made in another family that do not affect you one bit.

I don’t think it’s bad (for her and her kids) that she’s taken a harder path and kept them screen free until now. I suppose I think it’s bad that as a society we’ve made it harder to take that path.

I was only responding to your saying you'd much rather your children being safe at home and online, and I don't believe being online for children is safe for the most part. It's not just about bullying or grooming or other extreme examples of what can happen online, it is the erosion of attention, imagination, critical thinking, real life experience and social connections...
I work in tech and have done for a decade, so I'm pretty confident with it, btw.

Edited to add: it's your comparison with books as well that I find incredibly bonkers. We're talking about the science showing the negative impact of screens on young brains and you say that "they used to say the same thing about books". Baffling.

There did used to be concerns about the impact of reading on young people (though I believe we’re talking about an older age range than the science on screens and negative impacts on brain development which seems to mainly be about much younger kids and the impact on language development and social communication cues).

I can't help but see some of the excuses for screens and how they don't match reality.

Teenagers that need them for walking to school and back? Nope. Dumb phone or nothing is fine.

And as for parents who want to teach their children how to use technology responsibly, I do think this is generally a load of bolloks, it is just a nice sounding thing to excuse giving in to screens. I highly doubt that the majority of those parents are actively teaching about technology and good use. Putting a few parental controls and restricting the time, isn't the same as teaching them responsible use.

People aren’t giving excuses, they don’t need excuses. They’re are simply pointing out some of the benefits they’ve found. Not completely banning screens is a normal thing that most families mange just fine. Just as they manage all sorts of other opportunities on their children’s way to adulthood and autonomy.

They really don't need to have seen the show to join in. In OP's case, the occasional show will be more than enough, especially at those young ages.

Good for you sticking to what you believe in OP, I respect that.

I limit screen time, and would rather do less like you than more. Mine are 4 and 7, my 7 year old only started to use a few apps on our tablet because school asked us to for homework (which I’m a bit annoyed about). Mine don’t have their own tablets and eldest rarely uses ours. I don’t allow my 4 year old to at all.

They get a set amount of time daily to pick something age-appropriate to watch on TV. We have Sky Kids, Netflix & Disney Plus. However, I’m a big believe in the TV being turned off most of the time. The minute it’s on it dominates, once it’s off we build, draw, make puzzles, play imaginatively, dress up, make music, etc. I massively prefer how they play when it’s off to them sat there with their eyes glazed over.

Ignore anyone who doesn’t get it, I’m sure your children have great speech and many interesting skills to chat to others about 😊

Good for you sticking to what you believe in OP, I respect that.

I limit screen time, and would rather do less like you than more. Mine are 4 and 7, my 7 year old only started to use a few apps on our tablet because school asked us to for homework (which I’m a bit annoyed about). Mine don’t have their own tablets and eldest rarely uses ours. I don’t allow my 4 year old to at all.

They get a set amount of time daily to pick something age-appropriate to watch on TV. We have Sky Kids, Netflix & Disney Plus. However, I’m a big believe in the TV being turned off most of the time. The minute it’s on it dominates, once it’s off we build, draw, make puzzles, play imaginatively, dress up, make music, etc. I massively prefer how they play when it’s off to them sat there with their eyes glazed over.

Ignore anyone who doesn’t get it, I’m sure your children have great speech and many interesting skills to chat to others about 😊

My same age children do all of these things too. They also have screen time

DS isn't screen free, but fairly low screen. No tablet, laptop etc we do have a TV but we're not TV on in the background people, he doesn't watch any TV Monday to Friday there's no time really it's not on in the mornings and then by the time he's finished school/clubs there's only a couple of hours before bed to eat, shower, read, play with his toys or this time of year in the garden. We're also out quite a lot at weekends he might get an hour on a Saturday morning while we shower and get ready and we occasionally watch a film together. He's perfectly normal!

Yeah DS plays Minecraft in the playground with his friends, he's never played it or seen the film

With what we know now about screen time and devices etc there is no way I would let my kid have their own device until at least 14. I wouldn’t be as extreme as op but would definitely be very careful around their use of screens. Mine didn’t have a device until high school. We had limits but looking back, I should have been even stricter. As a high school teacher it is obvious to me every day the damage screens are causing. It’s scary.

We allow half an hour on game a day and half an hour tv time. No device time on school mornings.

Depends on child but for us our reasons are it creates addictive behaviour, ruins behaviour and damages ability of DD to deep focus and just be imaginative ie get bored and spend time doing nice creative activities and generally be nicer to be around.

It’s a tough battle but I equate it to helmet wearing and smoking. People afraid of being tough with their kids and deal with their addictive device behaviour.

all the people saying ‘my child is screen free…..except for <insert tv/films on laptop/facetime/schoolwork etc>…. Your children are not actually screen free and are just like many other children whose parents allow screens but are able to control and limit its use.