To feel let down by DH on this holiday?

[Huntergy]

We’re a few days into a family holiday in Spain with DH, our two DDs (7 and 4) and DS (1). I was really looking forward to this - first proper trip abroad since before DS was born - but I’m starting to feel like I may as well have stayed at home for all the “break” I’m getting.

What’s tipped me over a bit today was yesterday afternoon. DS and DD2 were both absolutely done in after lunch, so I took them back to the room for a nap. Asked DH if he could keep an eye on DD1 in the pool, she was happy splashing about and I said I’d be back down in 45 mins or so.

Came back down and found DD1 sitting wrapped in a towel looking miserable. DH had apparently wandered off to the bar to watch the football, said DD1 “wasn’t in the pool anymore” so he thought it was fine. She’s SEVEN. He was a good distance away and not really paying attention. Anything could’ve happened.

When I said he’d been out of order, he got defensive and we ended up having a row. He said I was “doing my usual” and overreacting. Took himself off out last night and rolled in after 1am. We’ve barely spoken today. He’s now acting like I’ve ruined the holiday.

I’m just tired. I feel like I’m still doing all the parenting while he’s checking out completely and treating it like a lad’s weekend. I wanted us to have proper family time and it’s just not happening.

AIBU to feel completely let down? Is this just what holidays with young kids are like or is he being a selfish idiot? Be honest.

He went out drinking on his own? Or do you know other people there?

Yanbu. He's a pathetic fuckwit.

He’s a selfish idiot.

So fed up of reading these fucking useless men threads. I have no practical suggestions as he clearly can't parent and has no safety awareness, and you've had another baby with him so you're stuck doing the parenting until your kids are more independent

Is this usual behaviour for your precious man-child of a husband?

How do you want the rest of this trip to go?

How do you want the rest of your life to go? (assuming he behaves like this regularly - as they usually do)

He’s an irresponsible idiot.
My dh would never have left our dc on their own.
What a selfish man he is.
And to think he has 3 dc, God help them.

Is this just what holidays with young kids are like or is he being a selfish idiot? Be honest.

No it’s not remotely normal for a parent to leave a 7 year old unattended beside a pool in a foreign country so they can go and drink alone in a bar.
It’s also not normal for a man to go out drinking on his own into the early hours of the morning on a family holiday.

Having young kids has nothing to do with any of this.

Useless git.

Has he always been like this, OP? That’s rubbish behaviour from him.

That's fucking depressing that's how he'd choose to spend his time

He's being a selfish idiot you where looking after 2 kids and he couldn't even look after 1 for an hour. And then to go out for the night alone on a family holiday until 1am is ridiculous its like he doesn't realise he has a family now and he's on a family holiday. He seriously needs to grow up.

He's being a knob. But I think you know this.
You should be able to rely on him, but you can't. He endangered your child. I'd be furious too.

I would of been tempted to take the 7 year old inside without telling him see how long until he notices and to scare the shit out of him of how dangerous it is. But im petty as shit so probably don't do that

OMG I would be fucking RAGING. YANBU.

He’s got 3 kids and yet can’t be trusted to look after 1 for 45 minutes.
Too lazy to even wait whilst she gets dry and take her up to the room.

No, that’s not what holidays are like.

Absolutely not how it should be, I’m sorry OP. Hope you get a rest soon.

you need a serious talk and he needs to seriously up his game - if he won’t, I’d be lining up those ducks. You deserve better.

He’s having a lovely time isn’t he. Dickwad. Is he like this at home, I’m assuming so? Are you always the default parent? Start thinking about how much easier
this would be without him, what does he actually add to your life?

Thanks so much everyone - I wasn’t expecting this many replies so quickly and honestly I’m sat here nodding along to all of them. I think deep down I knew I wasn’t being unreasonable but it helps to hear it from people not emotionally tied to him.

Yes - he went out drinking on his own. We don’t know anyone else here. I’d already said I wasn’t up for going out late because DS is up at the crack of dawn and I’m the one doing all the nights with him anyway. It was just selfish.

He’s always had a bit of a “hands off” approach to parenting (unless it’s something fun or Instagrammable) but this is the first time I’ve really felt like I can’t trust him with basic safety. I mean - who thinks it’s fine to leave a 7yo next to a pool while you bugger off to the bar?? Still can’t get over it.

I don’t know what I want from the rest of the trip. I hate the thought of it being ruined for the DC but I’m honestly running on fumes. I’ve told him I’m not okay with how he acted but he just keeps sulking and acting like I’m the problem.

I don’t think he even realises how close I am to being completely done. I’m not a martyr - I just wanted a bit of family time and support. That’s not asking too much is it?

Anyway, thanks again. It means a lot.

Let me guess, you do everything at home too

So he went out until 1am knowing you couldn’t leave the hotel room as the kids would be sleeping? And also left a 7 year old alone by the pool? He is not being a good dad or husband here. You need to have a serious talk with him.

I think I’d be going on a Lysistrata style ban for the rest of the holiday.

He’s a selfish useless prick. I’m sorry, OP. He sounds awful.
Try and salvage the rest of the trip for you and the kids. Fuck him, let him do what he wants-don’t include him in anything fun or nice.
Relax the rules and let the kids do what they like (within reason!) so it feels like less of a chore. As hard work as it is, you’ll have some gorgeous memories of your babies from this holiday which you will cherish.
When you’re home, I’d be considering your future with him tbh. His behaviour is not usual, and I wouldn’t tolerate it.

I'm sorry OP.

But surely you knew after the first one you'd signed up to have more with a selfish arse who dumps all real real responsibility for them on you. The only question you have now is: what do you get out of staying?

I would pack myself a bag and a good book and walk out during breakfast. Go and have a nice relaxing day without them all.

Evwryth you've said about him is awful.
You are not overreacting. He's selfish and neglectful.
I wouldn't want to be with a man like that.