To feel let down by DH on this holiday?

[Huntergy]

We’re a few days into a family holiday in Spain with DH, our two DDs (7 and 4) and DS (1). I was really looking forward to this - first proper trip abroad since before DS was born - but I’m starting to feel like I may as well have stayed at home for all the “break” I’m getting.

What’s tipped me over a bit today was yesterday afternoon. DS and DD2 were both absolutely done in after lunch, so I took them back to the room for a nap. Asked DH if he could keep an eye on DD1 in the pool, she was happy splashing about and I said I’d be back down in 45 mins or so.

Came back down and found DD1 sitting wrapped in a towel looking miserable. DH had apparently wandered off to the bar to watch the football, said DD1 “wasn’t in the pool anymore” so he thought it was fine. She’s SEVEN. He was a good distance away and not really paying attention. Anything could’ve happened.

When I said he’d been out of order, he got defensive and we ended up having a row. He said I was “doing my usual” and overreacting. Took himself off out last night and rolled in after 1am. We’ve barely spoken today. He’s now acting like I’ve ruined the holiday.

I’m just tired. I feel like I’m still doing all the parenting while he’s checking out completely and treating it like a lad’s weekend. I wanted us to have proper family time and it’s just not happening.

AIBU to feel completely let down? Is this just what holidays with young kids are like or is he being a selfish idiot? Be honest.

This is absolutely dreadful and so, so unacceptable- both the leaving your dc and the going out on a bender. I’d have to leave early and come home. What an absolute arsehole. You all deserve better.

Sorry OP but that woukd be the end for me. Try to enjoy the rest of your holiday but I'd be making plans for when you get back. He sounds like a massive tosser and you'd probably find it easier on your own

What level of self absorption do you have to have to believe your desire for a drink is more important than your child's safety ?

He's an unfit parent and doesn't deserve the privilege of having children.
I would just have the rest of your holiday as if he isn't there, he might as well not be for all the use he is, so you and the kids do your own thing make plans you enjoy and leave him to his own devices. It will be hard work for you but probably less work than trying to chivvy a selfish bastard into doing the bare minimum and ending up doing it yourself anyway.

Then when you get home I would think about whether you want to carry a dead weight around with you for the rest of your life.

This

she could have drowned

if he really wanted to watch football he should have taken her to bar with him

hotels don’t work out with families aka husbands like this

a villa may be better so kids can go for a sleep and you still be by pool with dd

This

she could have drowned

if he really wanted to watch football he should have taken her to bar with him

hotels don’t work out with families aka husbands like this

a villa may be better so kids can go for a sleep and you still be by pool with dd

Thinking about what could have happened to your DD makes me feel positively ill.
Drowning, abduction, creepy behaviour from someone who realised she wasn’t being supervised, who knows what else?
Unforgivable - and that he can’t see that and accept the potentially dangerous situations he could have caused his child to be in is extremely worrying and disturbing.
I am sorry OP, but I couldn’t forgive or forget this, as I wouldn’t trust his judgement or capacity as a parent.

Had one of those. He’s now ex husband. I’m currently holidaying alone with DC and I don’t notice any difference apart from of course the extra baggage of his mood strings, and inability to behave like a kind and caring human being. One thing I have noticed though (we are staying in an European resort with few British families) the European husbands are very hands on - swimming, helping, taking children off on their own and keeping them happy. Little excess drinking etc. you and your children deserve better OP. I am happier solo parenting. X

This really.

I think a 12 month shag ban would be fair

You aren’t wrong OP. Step up and manage your child’s safety or piss off is how I would think.

The problem with these type of men is that you cannot and do not feel comfortable leaving your child in their ‘safe’ hands. I suppose that is the agenda.

@Huntergy You are emphatically not over-reacting OP. Ask your "D"H how he would feel if your 7yr old DD had disappeared while he was at the bar? How would he defend his selfish, negligent parenting to you - or anyone else (like his own parents) - if this had happened? And if he dismisses you with another "you're doing the usual" (God, I hate that!) show him this thread so he can see how many parents on here would like to hand him his fecking arse! 😠

You're a single parent with a bloke in tow. Like a lot of young mothers who.post on MN.

I'm so sorry that you're finding this out on holiday.

Does your DH have a drinking problem?

He sounds bloody useless!

But, Who looked after the 2 youngest when you went back to the pool? Unless I've missed something.

You said he’s always been a “ hands off parent” but you decide to have a third child with him. Why? What did you expect? 🙄

When you are doing everything, then losing the useless baggage means that doing everything is easier, because you aren't wasting energy feeling resentful.

You could give him one last chance to up his game, saying that if he doesn't start doing some parenting then it's divorce. And follow through.

But you'd be fully justified in divorcing him immediately IMO.

It's hard to understand how a parent can be so stupid & utterly uncaring.

Not even wanting to spend time with his daughter.

Frankly I’d pack your bags, book a flight for you and the kids, and go home.

A deadbeat who openly doesn't like his kids or wife, and deliberately put his kid at risk when he discarded her for the bar.
Men like this are for divorcing and paying for the kids therapy.

Hands off? This is neglect. Anything could have happened to her and instead of him realising and trying to make amends he went out for the night?

He doesn't want to parent or enjoy time with his DC. When they are older he'll wonder why they don't want anything to do with him.

I couldn't forgive this.

But if she cannot trust him to look after one for 45 mins without drinking and supervision in the pool, the poor OP is not going to have much of a day.

@Teado "No remorse from him! He genuinely doesn’t seem to realise that he could’ve returned from the bar to find his daughter floating face down." Or missing ... 😟

No that’s not ok at all - I’ve also seen blokes letting 3 and 4 year olds wander around large hotel lounges and bars in hotels too not keeping an eye on them at all whilst watching sport or chatting to others.

Sadly this.