To feel let down by DH on this holiday?

[Huntergy]

We’re a few days into a family holiday in Spain with DH, our two DDs (7 and 4) and DS (1). I was really looking forward to this - first proper trip abroad since before DS was born - but I’m starting to feel like I may as well have stayed at home for all the “break” I’m getting.

What’s tipped me over a bit today was yesterday afternoon. DS and DD2 were both absolutely done in after lunch, so I took them back to the room for a nap. Asked DH if he could keep an eye on DD1 in the pool, she was happy splashing about and I said I’d be back down in 45 mins or so.

Came back down and found DD1 sitting wrapped in a towel looking miserable. DH had apparently wandered off to the bar to watch the football, said DD1 “wasn’t in the pool anymore” so he thought it was fine. She’s SEVEN. He was a good distance away and not really paying attention. Anything could’ve happened.

When I said he’d been out of order, he got defensive and we ended up having a row. He said I was “doing my usual” and overreacting. Took himself off out last night and rolled in after 1am. We’ve barely spoken today. He’s now acting like I’ve ruined the holiday.

I’m just tired. I feel like I’m still doing all the parenting while he’s checking out completely and treating it like a lad’s weekend. I wanted us to have proper family time and it’s just not happening.

AIBU to feel completely let down? Is this just what holidays with young kids are like or is he being a selfish idiot? Be honest.

He wasn’t out hunting though, he was sat on his arse drinking beer.

Well at least his priorities are crystal clear now and he’s happy to risk your DD.

So many threads like this with useless men. But why do women carry on and have multiple children with them? If I found out my husband was a shit husband and then a shit dad, I'd definitely stop at 1 kid!!

Where does resilience come into it? The man was watching football in the bar, not out providing food or supplies for his family.

Fuck me talk about a low bar.

A man literally abandons his 7 year old daughter not only in a foreign country but next to a large body of water and some women manage to shit on other women about “resilience”. Have a day off.

This man was not hunter / gathering - he was drinking at the bar!

That sounds like a bit of an outdated understanding. More recent studies have shown an equal divide across the sexes in terms of the "hunter" side with women focusing on smaller, more consistent game whilst men targeted larger game, and much of the "gathering" aspect falling to women. Supported by generational communities where elders no longer able to take part in h&g supported in childcare.

But since this twerp was hardly out bagging himself a mammoth to drag home its not really relevant is it?

But we’re not in caves. And fortunately many of us no longer accept men being lazy useless exploitative wankers when they’re supposed to be sharing the load.its OPs holiday too an so far been a neglectful parent whilst mum was parenting the other two children, and has then fucked off drinking all night.

Raise your bar.

nah Yanbu

I can’t believe he went out drinking alone tbh and left you to look after three in the room. This would be totally unthinkable for my dh on a family holiday

yes sometimes he goes out but it’s always a “do you mind if I go out with the lads on Friday” situation

this is not an excuse ag all but holidays with smalls just aren’t fun. They are better as the kids get older. But in your case they just highlight how useless he is.

Has he never heard of Madeleine Mcann etc? I’m sorry but I’d be furious.

He’s always had a bit of a “hands off” approach to parenting (unless it’s something fun or Instagrammable)

does “hands off” mean lazy fucker who leaves all the grunt work to you except for an insta photo when he makes himself look like dad of the year??

OP's husband is hardly doing anything manly and physical to provide food for his family. He's ignoring his 7 year old daughter, drinking and watching TV. He wouldn't last long in Stone Age times.

You're misinformed. Early hunting tools, - like early agricultural tools - were made for women's hands, not men's.

I assume the men then, like now, were too busy jerking each other off to be of much use to women and children.

Massively high child mortality?

I was originally going to say to pack a bag and book and go out on your own, but I'll guess you will just worry about the kids being in his care if you do this.
Therefore, I'd literally forget he is even there with you. Take the kids and do whatever you can with them. Will it be hard? Yes. However, you won't be resentful wondering When he is going to step up.
After youre back, have a serious think about what you want from your future.
Fwiw, I do have experience....the last time my ex came away with us, I ended up back in the room watching awful tv because our son was tired and wanted to go to bed. He then moaned to Everyone how awful it was that We abandoned him... (while he was enjoying the all inclusive bar/food/entertainment)... I'm way happier now he's an ex.

Isn't it good that you're not 'hands off' too Op. Has he always been a useless fucker? Did he want 3 children? Only asking as he doesn't seem interested in them.

When was the last time he looked after all 3 on his own? Why aren't you sharing night times? You both meant to be on holiday not just him.

First thing I thought of when I read this thread was, say to him, "so, have they found Maddie?"

I'm a passive-aggressive bitch when someone riles me, but really, think about it. Besides a pool accident that fortunately did not occur, anyone could have walked off with your child.

He doesn't deserve to be in charge of a cat, let alone a small human.

He said I was “doing my usual” and overreacting.

That there is a nasty, gaslighting bastard.

I’d very seriously be divorced or planning divorce

he is horrendous

Op, leave this man.

He’s a terrible terrible father and your children will be suffering from having him around.

How awful. How reckless and selfish.

I could not look at him with anything but utter disdain and disgust.

I’d continue the holiday as a single parent and tell him I was done. 100% done.

He can’t be trusted with the children.

But it wouldn't be as stressful for OP if her lazy, selfish arse of a husband pulled his damn weight and parented his DC too.

usual question from me. Apart from sperm, what does he bring to the party?

I think you need to tell him that he’s a shit husband but, much worse than that, he’s a shit dad. Tell him that if he thinks leaving a child alone next to a pool is an acceptable thing to do, then he is just not good enough and that he is about an inch away from losing everything because you are getting to the stage where you no longer have the energy to make up for his failures as a man.

And then you need to follow through with it.

And didn't have to juggle childcare around doing the hunting as well.

He is a complete idiot and put himself and booze ahead of his child’s safety.

Do you have a patio OP?