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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel let down by DH on this holiday?

254 replies

Huntergy · 08/07/2025 16:23

We’re a few days into a family holiday in Spain with DH, our two DDs (7 and 4) and DS (1). I was really looking forward to this - first proper trip abroad since before DS was born - but I’m starting to feel like I may as well have stayed at home for all the “break” I’m getting.

What’s tipped me over a bit today was yesterday afternoon. DS and DD2 were both absolutely done in after lunch, so I took them back to the room for a nap. Asked DH if he could keep an eye on DD1 in the pool, she was happy splashing about and I said I’d be back down in 45 mins or so.

Came back down and found DD1 sitting wrapped in a towel looking miserable. DH had apparently wandered off to the bar to watch the football, said DD1 “wasn’t in the pool anymore” so he thought it was fine. She’s SEVEN. He was a good distance away and not really paying attention. Anything could’ve happened.

When I said he’d been out of order, he got defensive and we ended up having a row. He said I was “doing my usual” and overreacting. Took himself off out last night and rolled in after 1am. We’ve barely spoken today. He’s now acting like I’ve ruined the holiday.

I’m just tired. I feel like I’m still doing all the parenting while he’s checking out completely and treating it like a lad’s weekend. I wanted us to have proper family time and it’s just not happening.

AIBU to feel completely let down? Is this just what holidays with young kids are like or is he being a selfish idiot? Be honest.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 08/07/2025 20:38

Op you need to reconsider your future.

He has made it clear that he has no intention of being a decent parent and that if you dare to question him then he will punish you That’s no life for you and it’s no life for your kids.

Be smart about it. When you get home start gathering all the info you need to plan to move on from this man. Blind side him. He will not treat you fairly.

Im so sorry. This must be devastating for you to see how little he cares for you and the kids.

WhereDoBrokenHeartsGo · 08/07/2025 20:38

Leaving a 7 year old unattended at the pool is a deal breaker for me. What if she’d got into trouble in the water? The consequences are unthinkable. I’d be annoyed about the night out but the pool would be unforgivable for me.

ASimpleLampoon · 08/07/2025 20:45

Has this twat not heard of Madeleine McCann? What on earth was he thinkin!?!

BestZebbie · 08/07/2025 20:45

PistachioTiramisu · 08/07/2025 19:27

Sometimes when I read threads like this, although I sympathise with the women whose men don't take control of their kids when needed, I wonder how life was in the old, old days (stone age time and later) when men were out hunting all day and the women just got on with it. Far more resilient times I think.

Also even 100 years ago, there was a lot more leaving children to roam in mixed-age sibling-based packs, and relatedly a lot more serious accidents involving children (falls, drownings, fires etc).

DiggingHoles · 08/07/2025 21:03

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 08/07/2025 16:53

I'm sorry OP.

But surely you knew after the first one you'd signed up to have more with a selfish arse who dumps all real real responsibility for them on you. The only question you have now is: what do you get out of staying?

I am sure OP will find this comment extremely helpful. Now if she could only find that time machine so she can go back and divorce him before having (more than) one child with him.

MyDeftDuck · 08/07/2025 21:10

He obviously thought it was ok…… because children just never get snatched or fall in the swimming pool unobserved do they?? What a selfish prick!!!

KievLoverTwo · 08/07/2025 21:23

godmum56 · 08/07/2025 20:34

usual question from me. Apart from sperm, what does he bring to the party?

Instagrammable kids, apparently.

At least, that seems to be his main motivation of being part of this family.

Idk how the OP must feel in thinking that her and her children are just arm candy to him.

99bottlesofkombucha · 08/07/2025 21:35

Wow. That is so unbelievably unacceptable, leaving a 7yo alone, and near a pool. Tell him how close you are to being done, how close he is to returning home single, because you are so so so tired of carrying all the family load, so much so that you can’t trust him with ONE of your children FOR AN HOUR.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 08/07/2025 21:37

Crinkleybottomburger · 08/07/2025 16:55

I would pack myself a bag and a good book and walk out during breakfast. Go and have a nice relaxing day without them all.

I would normally agree with you, but if he can't be trusted with a 7 year old, how is @Huntergy supposed to be able to relax and trust him with a 4 and 1 year old as well?

If I was the OP I would show him this thread, and if that didn't get through to him he would need to go on a parenting course for when the OP throws him out! He would then have to have the children 50/50 with the OP, or have them every other weekend - along with paying a large chunk of child maintenance every month...

Unfortunately, her not so D, Husband sounds very lazy and ignorant, and his behaviour so far would have given me a massive ick with him, so he and his right or left hand would need to get a lot more exercise together than previously, yuk!

If you are reading this OP, you have my sympathy. Please don't continue to waste anymore of your, and your dear children's precious time with him. I really hope that you can enjoy the rest of your holiday, and if he still hasn't made any sort of effort, then show him the door when you get home. xx

Coldtoesandsand · 08/07/2025 21:38

I'll bet his thought process was that he figured he was on holidays too in that despite having very young kids (and correlating responsibilities that go with), he was entitled to have a cheeky drink during the day/totally fine to go out drinking all night and let off some steam. Except family holidays with very young kids are not holidays - it's just different wallpaper, same grind.

He stayed out so late because he was embarrassed by his recklessness and wasn't ready to own it

99bottlesofkombucha · 08/07/2025 21:40

PistachioTiramisu · 08/07/2025 19:27

Sometimes when I read threads like this, although I sympathise with the women whose men don't take control of their kids when needed, I wonder how life was in the old, old days (stone age time and later) when men were out hunting all day and the women just got on with it. Far more resilient times I think.

Really? I hope you’re sleeping outside without electricity or modern camping equipment as you... type this on your phone/tablet. Many of them died is how they managed it, and pretty much all of them by 40? I have been on Mumsnet for years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone talk up the joys of the Stone Age before.

oobedobe · 08/07/2025 21:47

Agree that he is a selfish twat and that is its own (major) issue.

But holiday's with young kids are not relaxing for the parents or a 'break', they are parenting in a different location with different challenges. Yes they can be fun but expectations should be low and realistic. Kids get cranky, out of routine, tired from sun and playing outside all day.

Having said that if you had a more engaged husband he could take the kids and give you a break, but that seems unlikely.

Hope things improve

shuggles · 08/07/2025 21:59

@Huntergy A 7 year old does not require constant monitoring. Think back to when you were 7; you likely went outside by yourself to wander streets and see friends. She was by the pool, so it's not as if her whereabouts were unknown.

tourdefrance · 08/07/2025 22:00

legoplaybook · 08/07/2025 20:04

Massively high child mortality?

Show quote history

Only after humans started growing wheat, staying in one place and having babies closer together, so babies were weaned too early and quality and variety of diet fell. (Recommend Sapiens book).

CestLaVieYouSee · 08/07/2025 22:01

AngelicKaty · 08/07/2025 20:33

But it wouldn't be as stressful for OP if her lazy, selfish arse of a husband pulled his damn weight and parented his DC too.

Show quote history

100% agree

FilthyforFirth · 08/07/2025 22:09

I know people hate this type of response but why oh why have two more children with him after the first? I see it all the time ans seriously do not remotely understand the logic. No way he wasnt this shit after the first one.

EggnogNoggin · 08/07/2025 22:13

Obviously yanbu and he is completely useless twat.

Can you book any holiday clubs, take a nap, salvage what's left for you and the kids and put in place a plan to split when you're home (as it sounds like typical behaviour and you've had enough)

EggnogNoggin · 08/07/2025 22:19

PistachioTiramisu · 08/07/2025 19:27

Sometimes when I read threads like this, although I sympathise with the women whose men don't take control of their kids when needed, I wonder how life was in the old, old days (stone age time and later) when men were out hunting all day and the women just got on with it. Far more resilient times I think.

Don't be a knob. He wasn't out providing, he was getting pissed while ignoring his child next to a swimming pool.

Icanttakethisanymore · 08/07/2025 22:23

Imagine going out and getting pissed on your own in holiday, leaving your DP looking after 3 kids. What a twat.

legoplaybook · 08/07/2025 22:26

shuggles · 08/07/2025 21:59

@Huntergy A 7 year old does not require constant monitoring. Think back to when you were 7; you likely went outside by yourself to wander streets and see friends. She was by the pool, so it's not as if her whereabouts were unknown.

I didn't wander the streets alone and definitely was never by a pool alone at the age of 7!
Drowning is literally a leading cause of death in young children.

mommatoone · 08/07/2025 22:33

shuggles · 08/07/2025 21:59

@Huntergy A 7 year old does not require constant monitoring. Think back to when you were 7; you likely went outside by yourself to wander streets and see friends. She was by the pool, so it's not as if her whereabouts were unknown.

Don't be ridiculous. Her whereabouts were only known by mum who was busy with other child, and her father who pissed off to the bar! Noone around that pool knows who she is, nor are they responsible for her safety.

AuntMarch · 08/07/2025 22:34

Icanttakethisanymore · 08/07/2025 22:23

Imagine going out and getting pissed on your own in holiday, leaving your DP looking after 3 kids. What a twat.

amd then imagine that not even being the worst thing you did!

Petitchat · 08/07/2025 22:40

PistachioTiramisu · 08/07/2025 19:27

Sometimes when I read threads like this, although I sympathise with the women whose men don't take control of their kids when needed, I wonder how life was in the old, old days (stone age time and later) when men were out hunting all day and the women just got on with it. Far more resilient times I think.

That would have been a completely different lifestyle, obviously.

But this is a holiday....

AffableApple · 08/07/2025 22:40

shuggles · 08/07/2025 21:59

@Huntergy A 7 year old does not require constant monitoring. Think back to when you were 7; you likely went outside by yourself to wander streets and see friends. She was by the pool, so it's not as if her whereabouts were unknown.

I'm in my 40s.

No, I didn't. At all.

And certainly not left very much alone, by a pool, amongst strangers, in a foreign country. While my dad got pissed.

No, that isn't normal.

Petitchat · 08/07/2025 22:43

Thank goodness your DD was okay.

I wonder how he would have behaved if something HAD happened?
Why do some men behave like this?