To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

[Suncloudstars]

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

Still stalker behaviour hun. I hope you had fun!

On purpose, you’d purposely be going then so you didn’t have to take him. If money is no object, why do you want to go in that week specifically?

When I was little, I had asthma quite badly, pneumonia a couple of times with it. We went on holiday every year, just a caravan site, for a week.

I still remember the feeling one year when I must have been particularly unwell, that my parents and siblings went on holiday and I was left behind to stay with my grandmother. I couldn’t really believe they were leaving me behind! I even remember they bought me a gift (swingball) to ease their guilt. I’ve never forgotten that feeling, it sticks with you.

I think, as others, that you would be unreasonable to go without your son. I’m not sure if you used money as a factor to garner the support that you appear to be very keen on getting. You can justify it to yourself however you want to achieve congruence, but the fact remains it’s a shitty thing to do and in my view, even worse to ask him if he is okay with it. There is no ‘gentle’ way to do that. He may just give you the answer you want so as to not upset you or feel guilty for holding you back!

That’s completely different. You were ill and left behind. Your family clearly shouldn’t have left you and were very cruel to do so.

The op’s child will be going to their fathers, possibly going holiday or doing other things with that side of their family. Regardless of whether op goes abroad or sits at home for a week, her ds still won’t be there.

Any update OP?

What’s the budget diff @Suncloudstars between family of 4 /2dc and family of 5/3dc

if you said what you can afford /budget I’m sure many would find the perfect holiday for 5

So almost everyone on here has said it's a dreadful idea and why, and the OP is still trying to defend the decision.

Why bother asking for opinions if you're just going to ignore them?

Still? She hasn’t actually posted on the thread for a couple of weeks at least.

Wow you suck as a parent, you are purposefully making him miss out from family time. The fact that he may or may not go abroad with his father is completely irrelevant, he is still being excluded from your new family because mom decided he isn't worth it.
You won't die if you don't go on one holiday, but you might have relationship issues with your son if you do. If you absolutely can't afford one extra person you have no business going. Save up and go together next time.
You're just giving him the message that any time you "can't afford" something you will easily cast him aside, he is the only candidate to miss out while you and your new family go have fun together.
WTF is wrong with you.

This may not even still be active but having just come across this thread, as an adult who grew up with two families, this happened to me on both sides, more than once. I've never forgotten it. It has affected my view on all of my parents and how they are happy to treat myself and my older brother differently, because they were able to palm us off with the other parents. It won't matter what reasoning you can think of, it will still likely hurt him all the same. It hurt me deeply- feeling like I was expendable and could just be dropped when it made things more affordable/convenient. So as someone with real experience of this, I wouldn't recommend it.