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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

886 replies

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 12:28

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

OP posts:
Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:31

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 16:11

And who wants to leave her son out of a holiday and take the two she has with a new partner

He's hardly a new partner. And if the sons parents split up when he was 2 he would have no memory of them ever being together so cant miss it.

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:36

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:25

So is leaving one of your children out from a family holiday.

I'm sure my 4 year old DS didn't care when I took his teenage sisters on holiday leaving him behind.
Or should my girls have had to go everything based around a small child

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:36

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:31

He's hardly a new partner. And if the sons parents split up when he was 2 he would have no memory of them ever being together so cant miss it.

Doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together, totally irrelevant. The FACTS are OP wants to go abroad on another holiday. She can afford to take 4 but not 5 and wants to leave son behind. My question to her was why not leave her partner behind instead of her son or is he more important?

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:37

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:36

I'm sure my 4 year old DS didn't care when I took his teenage sisters on holiday leaving him behind.
Or should my girls have had to go everything based around a small child

He might have done

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:43

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:37

He might have done

I've just asked him. She says he can't even remember

sunshine244 · 09/07/2025 21:44

If you take a weeks annual leave for a family holiday for just two of your children,.will this not affect how much time you have available for your son during holidays? Or do you only work term time?

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:44

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:36

Doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together, totally irrelevant. The FACTS are OP wants to go abroad on another holiday. She can afford to take 4 but not 5 and wants to leave son behind. My question to her was why not leave her partner behind instead of her son or is he more important?

He's still not a " new " partner. that's a fact

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:44

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:43

I've just asked him. She says he can't even remember

Sure

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:45

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:44

Sure

Why would he even remember. I can't remember much of being 4. He's been on many holidays without his sisters as well

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:46

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:44

He's still not a " new " partner. that's a fact

I didn’t say he was new or old. Quite interesting that you are completely ignoring my other far more salient points. Its was also really unkind of you to remind your son you didn’t take him because someone on the internet disagrees with you

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:47

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:46

I didn’t say he was new or old. Quite interesting that you are completely ignoring my other far more salient points. Its was also really unkind of you to remind your son you didn’t take him because someone on the internet disagrees with you

My 21 year old son really doesn't give a shit.

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:48

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:46

I didn’t say he was new or old. Quite interesting that you are completely ignoring my other far more salient points. Its was also really unkind of you to remind your son you didn’t take him because someone on the internet disagrees with you

Didn't you??

DipsyDee · Today 16:11
And who wants to leave her son out of a holiday and take the two she has with a new partner

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:50

Actually looking back I think there's only been 2 or 3 holidays all my kids have been on together

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:51

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:48

Didn't you??

DipsyDee · Today 16:11
And who wants to leave her son out of a holiday and take the two she has with a new partner

Well he is a new partner compared to the father of her first child. You know the fist child who is being excluded for the newer one. Still waiting for your comment on my point of partner not going.

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:52

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:50

Actually looking back I think there's only been 2 or 3 holidays all my kids have been on together

And? It doesn’t make you big and clever. You’ve only done what the majority would not do.

TheFoz · 09/07/2025 21:56

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:25

So is leaving one of your children out from a family holiday.

Not when they are already going on a family holiday.

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:57

TheFoz · 09/07/2025 21:56

Not when they are already going on a family holiday.

What the children do with their father and where they are taken is nothing to do with you

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:13

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:51

Well he is a new partner compared to the father of her first child. You know the fist child who is being excluded for the newer one. Still waiting for your comment on my point of partner not going.

What point of partner not going?

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:17

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:52

And? It doesn’t make you big and clever. You’ve only done what the majority would not do.

Edited

Well I expect the majority don't have one leaving home before the other is out of infant school either do they? It's not a case of being " big and clever"

What am I meant to do? Force one who lives 250 miles away to use her AL and leave her partner so she can holiday with her " whole family" Or refuse to take the other 2 as big sis can't come?

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:20

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:13

What point of partner not going?

What’s the point of her son not going? Why is the partner more important?

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:22

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:17

Well I expect the majority don't have one leaving home before the other is out of infant school either do they? It's not a case of being " big and clever"

What am I meant to do? Force one who lives 250 miles away to use her AL and leave her partner so she can holiday with her " whole family" Or refuse to take the other 2 as big sis can't come?

It’s A whole world of difference as your daughter is an adult living away from home. This is about a 14 year old. Vastly different

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:30

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:22

It’s A whole world of difference as your daughter is an adult living away from home. This is about a 14 year old. Vastly different

My daughter was only 4 years older. Notthat vastley different Actually she also refused to come on holiday with us at 16 also. ( as I wouldn't take boyfriend)

It was you suggesting you thought I was veing " big and clever" You seem to be getting very " pearl clutchy" at being challenged about your idea of family and what people should do not being the only way

And yeah the OP could leave her partner behind ( I've read back through all your comments) I did say in my original reply to her that I wouldn't leave him behind if he wasn't going away with his dad

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:36

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:30

My daughter was only 4 years older. Notthat vastley different Actually she also refused to come on holiday with us at 16 also. ( as I wouldn't take boyfriend)

It was you suggesting you thought I was veing " big and clever" You seem to be getting very " pearl clutchy" at being challenged about your idea of family and what people should do not being the only way

And yeah the OP could leave her partner behind ( I've read back through all your comments) I did say in my original reply to her that I wouldn't leave him behind if he wasn't going away with his dad

I think you are reaching there. Interesting that you think the partner should go but not the 14 year old as you said in a previous post. Your attitude is baffling really

crumblingschools · 09/07/2025 22:37

Not many people have such a big age gap @Fundayout2025 Big difference when a child is independent not to come on family holiday or an older teenager not wanting to go on family trip, to a mum deciding a young teenager shouldn’t join the family holiday

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:39

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:36

I think you are reaching there. Interesting that you think the partner should go but not the 14 year old as you said in a previous post. Your attitude is baffling really

Edited

Where on earth have I said THAT? Have you been drinking?

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