To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

[Suncloudstars]

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

You lose the argument when you resort to personal insults. Sad really. You said why wouldn’t the partner go to high infers he should go and not the boy

Nobody has actually asked the boy whether he wants to go or not though have they? And I will repeat what I said in my original reply to the OP as people seem to have missed / be ignoring it . I said that I wouldn't be going without the son IF his dad wasn't taking him away

But there seem to be a shed load of people on here seem to see their kids as a collective rather than individuals and therefore all of them or none must do stuff

I don't understand the point of asking people's opinion when you just spend all your time rubbishing them. The vast majority of people think you are wrong. End of. There's your answer.
I also don't understand if you live such a comfortable privileged life how a couple of hundred pound more for your son to go on holiday is such a deal breaker.

Can you quote me on that ? As I can't bloody well see it. And I didn't resort to any personal insults

Questioning if I had been drinking is a personal attack and even more baffling that you can’t /won’t see it. The very fact you have reduced yourself to making that comment means you have completely lost the argument.

You can't possibly make this assumption on his behalf. Wait till he's maybe 45 and has kids of his own then see.

What is baffling is that you are telling me I said things like " why wouldn't he partner go" and nor did I say the 14 year old shouldn't go. I merely asked for quotes of me saying these things as you seem to be reading what I haven't written. Hence the question about drinking. And BTW a question isn't a personal insult. If I had for example,said " stupid cow" or " ugly as fuck" that would be personal insults. A question isnt

Oh dear. It is an a personal insult, it’s quite clear. You are trying to back peddle and as I’ve said you e already lost the argument. But this is boring me now so i’m not going to reply to you any further.

3 attempts to write that post lol......

Sure Jan.

Clearly this thread has hit a nerve with you.

Not at all but you clearly it has

Gosh some very strong opinions on here.
Me took all our family (and a friend) away on a beautiful holiday at the beginning of the year. DD then went on a v posh holiday with her dad in May. We took her young siblings away for 4 nights while she was away in a last minute super cheap break as they’d had such a wonderful time away before and she was away anyway. She wasn’t remotely bothered. I think tho, if they’d not been away themselves, she would have been upset to miss out so my answer entirely depends on if he gets a holiday with his dad.

I think that whether or not it is fair and he feels excluded is a red herring.
What’s hurtful here is that you care more about the holiday than being with him. You don’t want to compromise on cost or location so that he can be a part of it, you’d rather just leave him behind. If my mum had written a post asking this it would have broken my heart. And not because I wanted the holiday.

I wouldn't do this. The child isn't stupid, he will know that if he says no then he is preventing the holiday from going ahead and might worry he will be resented for that. Just because he says he is okay with it, it doesn't mean he is or that he won't see things differently afterwards.

EDIT: Also, even if he said no, he will know it was being considered, won't he? Which could result in him feeling excluded regardless.

Edit as commented on wrong post

Do all your kids come from and have an intact family? Or have their parents split up and moved on to create new families, leaving the children to suffer from that breakup?

That will make a big difference as to them being affected by being excluded from holidays.

i agree. This person seems almost proud of the fact she’s only taken all three on holiday together a handful of times.

You've really sat her arguing back and forth for 5 pages?

Give it a rest, you've obviously made up your mind to go without him so go ahead and stop wasting time (yours and other posters) on mumsnet.

I question the intellectual capacity of anyone who spends 5 pages arguing with strangers on mumsnet, do what you want, no one here will be impacted by any consequences future or now

My DS has a different dad. Never ever lived with his dad as a " family" unit.

If you want to put it that way HE would be the one that was left behind without it being his choice. And he's the one one who is the child of the " new man"

And I don't think my DDs " suffered" much from my breakup with their Dad. He only lived with us full time for about 18 months after leaving the Army and quickly became abusive etc. DD2s only memories of us living together was him holding a knife to my throat. I suspect they would suffer more if id stayed and kept their family intact

Did you read why?

My Dds dad did this often. The resentment she feels is huge. I dont think their relationship will ever recover really. It ran over into lots of things like she gets £100 cash at xmas her step sister gets £100s. Step sis has latest iPhone every time. DD has a second hand old one I bought her. She feels like a second class citizen getting crumbs from the table. Yes she has me and I give her what I can but he is seriously loaded and has a totally different lifestyle and outlook. He has no idea how she feels but it will bubble up one day and now shes 23 and starting her own career and wont need him as much any more I cant see the relationship doing well. You sound just like her step mum who drives it all and he floats along with it all.

Yes and I am not surprised you have taken the stance you have but it’s still baffling Oh and thanks for the further insult about editing my post. You probably don’t realise what the editing feature is for and why waste time and write three separate posts.

You have posted on this thread over 30 times. I’m pretty sure it is you who is rattled.

That’s quite stalkerish thing to do to count my posts. I feel very sorry for you that you wasted your time on a pointless exercise

It’s a very simple exercise hun.