To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

[Suncloudstars]

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

Op it sounds like you just want a bloody holiday and to hell with your son. The fact is 93% of people think you are wrong must be penetrating somewhere surely? Or maybe you have made similar mistakes already and are finding it hard to face the truth.

Your son is going to grow to resent and despise this ‘family’ dynamic if you are not very very careful. He should be your world and your priority not some shitty holiday!!!

YOU choose to go on and have TWO more children with another man (a stranger to your son) that you clearly can not afford, so your son is already suffering the consequences of YOUR poor decisions.

PP are not sugar coating op because the harm to your son could be substantial.

🤣 okay.

I mean, I’m sure I’ve said multiple times that I don’t plan to so I’m not sure why you’re still going on. Blimey, I feel like I’m being told off by my grandmother “don’t say you weren’t told/warned”… I must remember in future that I must always comply with mums netter’s opinions otherwise there’ll be devastating consequences. 🙄

Thank you. I appreciate this!

No wonder there are so many seriously damaged children out there, with mental health issues and parents that are dumped asap. It’s pretty obvious now 🤷‍♀️

🤣 okay, you know best 👍🏼

I love all of these assumptions about my child… keep them coming, they’re amusing me now.

But the child is somewhere else. With his dad. She isn’t leaving him home alone.

Ah, you're not going to do it? That's brilliant. Definitely the right decision and what's best for your son. I don't care about the rest of it.

With this type of issue I think I can confidently say that no I not the majority of people would NEVER do what you are proposing. It doesn’t matter if your sosn’a dad takes him away. That is nothing to do with you. I’m frankly quite appalled you think this is acceptable

Glad I have your approval. I’ll be able to sleep tonight now.

I’m gutted that you’re appalled with me.

You are so over invested it’s embarrassing.

OMG that does not matter for heavens sake. What the boy does or doesn’t do with his father is nothing to do with the mother. I am flabbergasted that you think this is okay. Absolutely flabbergasted

Well it should be knowing you're not going to fuck up your son's wellbeing that helps you to sleep because like I keep saying, this is about him, not you or me or the rest of the noise you keep deflecting to for some reason.

However, if making silly posts like this is what it takes, then so be it, doesn't matter. Just do right by your kid.

Like I said, it's very very clear that at least some of the 7% are bad faith players. I do miss the days when they knew how to be subtle about it. It's a lost art.

Why are you flabbergasted? Do you think the op shouldn’t do anything with her other kids while her son is with his dad? He has had a holiday with her family, he will likely do something with his dad’s family while he’s there.

My ds has been having dual holidays with both families for several years. We haven’t been abroad without him but we’ve had plenty of days out and mini breaks. Is that deplorable too? Or do you think our lives should stop while my eldest isn’t here? I can confidently say my son doesn’t give one shit what we’re up to when he’s not here because he is having fun with his dad and siblings.

Thinking aloud (if I’m aloud to think that is), I wonder what people’s opinions and judgments would be when it comes to dad’s doing what they choose to do (with and without the half siblings) when the biological child is with the Mum…. Funnily enough I think it would be a humongous case of double standards. “Oh dad can do as he pleases when child is with the mother” but “oh no, mum’s can’t do as they choose when child is with dad!”

funnily enough i don’t have an issue with whatever DS’ dad does with or without him. That’s his choice. And funnily enough, DS doesn’t have a problem with whatever his dad does when he’s not with him either. However I’m sure there’s plenty of people on this thread that will argue that of course DS will secretly be devastated. Because everyone on this thread knows my personal family best!

I’d love to see the responses to a question like that.

it’s obvious that all of you can’t afford to go away despite what you say so you go with ALL three of your children and the partner stays behind. What’s wrong with that solution? And I’m not the only one appalled by your “thought”.

To be honest, this is absolutely all about you now. I’d get a new hobby if I were you, rather than slating random people on the internet. Do you have nothing better to do than continue to post on here?

this is absolutely all about you now.

That's fine, now we know you're going to do right by your kid, we can move on to everyone's favourite subject. Me me me me me. Raaaa!

Absolutely, can’t afford a single thing.

You’ve got issues.

Hey, stop talking about money.

I’ll think about you whilst I’m laying around the pool in Dubai next week 😘

Of course you're the type to brag about going to Dubai 😂fitting