Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

[GlitterGold7]

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

Not all workplaces frown upon these relationships. My DP was my boss when we started our relationship. We told our manager once we knew it was serious and she didn’t bat an eyelid. I moved to another lead just for the purposes of holidays/hours but I didn’t have to at all. It’s really not a big deal. We spent 35+ hours at work…some people form relationships in that time. Theres several partners, husband/wife teams in my workplace.

I can’t see how this can affect you at all

I would have been seen several times coming out of hotels with the HT when I was a teacher and with teachers when I was a HT. We were there for meetings and conferences.

However, if the HT and teacher are having an affair, it's none of anyone else's business as long as they're not doing it on school premises or in school hours. What teachers do in their own time is their personal life and parents at the school gate should keep their noses out.

I'm assuming it's not affecting their ability to do their individual jobs? If it is having an effect then it needs addressing, if not then I really don't think it's any of your business.

I couldn’t agree more. In a school I know of, the head was shagging someone for years behind his wife’s back. Someone who worked for him who was also married. They would shag on residential trips, in the staff room, basically wherever they could get away with it. I would argue it absolutely does affect the quality of education the children receive because there’s a lot of effort involved in having an affair and the fall out can be catastrophic, which in this case it was. Same said head still can’t keep it in his pants and is now shagging a different member of staff, this time on his senior leadership team, which has created beef between the two women, and also means other members of staff don’t feel comfortable going to SLT about anything as nobody is impartial enough.
As a parent of a child in a school where this is happening, no I probably wouldn’t be doing anything about it, but it’s incredibly naive to think it doesn’t have an impact on the day to day running of a school.

Keep out of it.

We had a couple at our school who are now married.

The male promoted member of staff had already separated from his wife, but "a member of the public" phoned our HT to complain.

I was surprised at the end of term when the HT mentioned this whilst presenting the couple with their engagement term. Turned out that he had done this with the couple's permission to show that such poisonous behaviour wouldn't be tolerated. (In this case, a jealous member of staff, passed over for promotion, might have instigated the phone call.)

The list of stuff teachers are not allowed to do must be getting pretty long by now.

Just playing devils advocate but they could be on a course together? I take it you didn’t check their room bookings?😉

As someone who has worked in education for decades, I promise you affairs are always taking place in schools and nothing is ever done as its deemed to be no ones business as long as it doesn't affect the work.
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Being seen going into a hotel isn’t really enough to prove an affair. You will need to consider if you decide to bring it up if you might find a libel or slander case against you later.

Affairs between teachers yes but when it's the HT?!

Affairs between staff in education establishments are common.

Not your place to get invovled.

I think we all know what 'high standards of personal conduct' means.

I expect they were seen shagging on the tables in the restaurant. 🙄

I have looked round houses where estate agents have judged the bad renovations, the awful decorations, the mess, the smell, the weird double jacuzzi in the bedroom, the owners, the owners dog that poos in the garden. They get quite frustrated with sellers at times.

Gossiping like this is pathetic

As someone who works in education leadership I've been to many courses in service station hotels. Lots of them have conference/meeting facilities.

They're specifically chosen for accessibility for attendees, and infinitely preferable to driving into a town or city centre at 8.30am.

I've been "seen" coming out of them with my bosses, my subordinates, colleagues from other schools/colleges... I must have had multiple affairs!

I've even been seen eating dinner, and having a glass of wine with various people. Again, must be having affairs.

Except I haven't. I've been to lots of work related stuff though. No free penis, plenty of free pens.

Interesting how, with only this "evidence", you, and a load of women on this thread, are convinced you must be right.

Does YOUR moral compass include not spreading gossip, not making assumptions, and not casting aspersions? I guess not.

Stay out of it, they are not hurting you and as for the head abusing position, presumably the other party is a consenting adult.

Don't listen to gossip and definitely do not pass this snippet on.

When I was a (female) Deputy Head, my (male) HT and I used to joke that we were the only DHT and HT in the county who weren't either having an affair or had fallen out with each other.

No free penis. Plenty of free pens

that needs to be the marketing strategy of all work conferences forever
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I am sick to the back teeth of people expressing the view that marital infidelity is 'none of anyone's business', in a scenario where the people involved have safeguarding responsibilities and act as role models to young people. Adultery involves deceit to people to trust you, and breaking of the most important covenant most of us make. That absolutely has a bearing on whether somebody has the moral character to be leading others, asking others to trust them, expecting others to look up to them and follow their example.

Is this rumour affecting how both carry out their professional duties?

If not, then leave well alone. You are not aware of the full facts and there's nothing worse than a load of judgy school mums

Same in my mum's day in the 70s. It has precisely FA to do with the OP, unless they're doing it on the desk mid-lesson. She doesn't know it's an abuse of his position and nor does she know that the partners are innocent victims. She knows a bit of thrilling goss and is trying to pass it off as moral outrage.

It would certainly be frowned upon if a manager was having an affair with one of their reports.

I think you are getting a hard time on here op.
I worked at a primary school where the Head and a TA were having an affair. The TA worked part time and on the days she was not in the HT disappeared for hours at ‘meetings’. She also spent a lot of time in his office at the end of the day, times when most Heads are working hard. As a result work fell on other members of staff and morale was low, people became very guarded about what they could say.
So I would say yes it definitely affected the children’s education