Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

[GlitterGold7]

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

MYOB

Unless they're having sex on the classroom desks during the day, or making out during assembly, it is none of your business. If it's playground gossip it will get to their partners soon enough (if they don't already know).

No. Do nothing. They are not your direct business and your morals are clearly not theirs. It isn’t illegal. Not that I like that kind of behaviour.

By you? If not , it's not your story to tell.

Would you have detailed it as abuse of power if the head was a female?

It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

Keep your opinions to yourself. You assume that there's abuse, but it's none of your business.

It's different isn't it because dentists and estate agents don't stick their noses into our home lives and judge, yet teachers and particularly head teachers do

It's an abuse of power for a boss to be shagging someone on their team.

I'd have to have a friendly chat to alert them to your concerns.

A teacher I know was accused of having an affair with the head. They travelled together for conferences, worked closely together on various initiatives. Both happily married and absolutely not having an affair with each other.

The rumours were started by parents and absolutely devastated the teacher, who seriously considered quitting teaching entirely.

Seriously, mind your own business. You have absolutely zero proof and even if you did, it's none of your business.

Are they competent at their job?
There’s clearly a conflict of interest going on.
That can damage staff moral if they feel unable to discuss/critisize either of them for fear of suffering a reprisal of some sort.

Keep out of it……say nowt…….and don’t fuel the gossip either. Don’t share any information as this could potentially bite you on the arse further down the line if someone is heard repeating something you said in the first place.
If you tell their marital partners and the shit hits the fan you will ultimately be one of the bad guys.

I’d be watching for it coming out but wouldn’t say anything or spread gossip. unless it’s affecting dc at the school it’s not relevant to you.

likely HT would have consequences when it does come out as it’s generally seen as an abuse of power in the same way any manager having a relationship with a subordinate would.

I wholly disagree with most on here. A teacher is a public servant, a headteacher is meant to be dream of the crop and represent a public community. If those people aren’t abiding by the established code of conduct then it’s a public concern. It wouldn’t be in the code of conduct if it wasn’t, and it would bring the school into disrepute. If you want a job where you can carry you however you wish to, then don’t be a teacher, let alone a headteacher teacher.

OP, I don’t know what the solution is. Perhaps a discreet communication with the governors.

No teacher has ever poked their nose into my house and judged!! Talk about paranoid

Tell her husband.

How does the chat go?

Which code of conduct is it in and what does it say?

Ours just says relationship with close colleagues must be declared and no canoodling on the premises.

Nasty gossip. Unless this has a demonstrable impact on their professional duties, stop obsessing.

I'm reminded of a wonderful song of my childhood, The Harper Valley PTA:

You are the Harper Valley PTA

You hear about things like this all the time. The best advice I have is dont worry about it not to be rude but it really is not your buissness what others do just concentrate on your own life and your children that is what matters.

Mumsnet is full of people who have husbands or wives having affairs with co workers. What’s the difference? They aren’t conducting an affair in full view of children and parents. The people who should be concerned are the partners of those cheating, but that’s nothing to do with anyone else.

Unless you have positive proof that they are feathering their love nest with funds siphoned off from the PTA I would keep quiet.

So they should declare it then, if that was the case.

Which they may well have done.

Who cares? If they’re not doing it on school grounds or in school hours, it’s not relevant to their jobs.
If everyone who was having an affair got in trouble at work, the economy and public sector would grind to a halt.
Over my career, I’ve worked in a bank, a posh department store, schools and hospitals… there were always loads of affairs going on 🥴

Actually estate agents do stick their noses into our homes and judge, it’s what they do.

But, back to the thread……..

What a ridiculous overreaction

TAR AND FEATHER THEM!!