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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aware of Head Teacher and Teacher affair

680 replies

GlitterGold7 · 08/07/2025 12:06

Name changed for this. I’ve become aware that the HT of my DC’s primary school is having an affair with one of the teachers. Both are married.

Would you do anything with this information? It feels utterly morally bankrupt that the HT is abusing his position like this, and I feel so sorry for the partners involved.

OP posts:
Didimum · 08/07/2025 12:51

Bottleflag · 08/07/2025 12:48

Which they may well have done.

Sure they have ...

Richiewoo · 08/07/2025 12:51

Mind your own business

RaraRachael · 08/07/2025 12:51

As a teacher I never poked my nosed into families' business nor did I judge

Bottleflag · 08/07/2025 12:51

I'd like to know how teachers with their ridiculous working hours find the time 🤣

TheNightingalesStarling · 08/07/2025 12:52

The Head of the Navy has just been sacked for having an affair with a subordinate...

The issue is when things go wrong. Its OK when everyone lives happily ever after... but not ok when things go wrong and it spills over into the workplace

despairofbadscience · 08/07/2025 12:52

WhySoManySocks · 08/07/2025 12:50

TAR AND FEATHER THEM!!

And then walk them through the playground with parents and kids shouting “adulterers’ at them. PTA can sell tickets

Didimum · 08/07/2025 12:53

From Gov.uk Teachers Standards Guidance:

Part Two: Personal and professional conduct

A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and professional conduct. The following statements define the behaviour and attitudes which set the required standard for conduct throughout a teacher’s career.

• Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of
ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:

• treating pupils with dignity, building relationships rooted in mutual respect,
and at all times observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s
professional position

• having regard for the need to safeguard pupils’ well-being, in accordance
with statutory provisions

• showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others

• not undermining fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule
of law, individual liberty and mutual respect, and tolerance of those with
different faiths and beliefs

• ensuring that personal beliefs are not expressed in ways which exploit
pupils’ vulnerability or might lead them to break the law.

• Teachers must have proper and professional regard for the ethos, policies and
practices of the school in which they teach, and maintain high standards in their
own attendance and punctuality.

• Teachers must have an understanding of, and always act within, the statutory
frameworks which set out their professional duties and responsibilities.

HelpMeGetThrough · 08/07/2025 12:55

despairofbadscience · 08/07/2025 12:52

And then walk them through the playground with parents and kids shouting “adulterers’ at them. PTA can sell tickets

That would be the “voluntary” parental contribution.

Gloriia · 08/07/2025 12:55

viques · 08/07/2025 12:49

Actually estate agents do stick their noses into our homes and judge, it’s what they do.

But, back to the thread……..

Well they judge the location, the amount of rooms and furnishings. Not so much the behaviour of the sellers.

Headteachers would very quickly send a snippy letter home if parents behaviour displeased them so let them have a taste of it themselves.

ParmaVioletTea · 08/07/2025 12:55

despairofbadscience · 08/07/2025 12:52

And then walk them through the playground with parents and kids shouting “adulterers’ at them. PTA can sell tickets

Grin Grin Grin

I wish we still had the "Laugh" reaction.

ParmaVioletTea · 08/07/2025 12:56

Headteachers would very quickly send a snippy letter home if parents behaviour displeased them

If the parents' behaviour had an impact on their children's learning, then yes, that is worthy of comment.

Helpmeplease2025 · 08/07/2025 12:57

Gloriia · 08/07/2025 12:55

Well they judge the location, the amount of rooms and furnishings. Not so much the behaviour of the sellers.

Headteachers would very quickly send a snippy letter home if parents behaviour displeased them so let them have a taste of it themselves.

What behaviour of yours has earned you a snippy letter home from the HT?

Hobnobswantshernameback · 08/07/2025 12:59

Cool story bro

Pomegranatecarnage · 08/07/2025 12:59

RaraRachael · 08/07/2025 12:28

In 40 years of teaching in multiple schools I've never heard of a code of conduct for staff

You can’t be serious! Every school has one!

ManchesterLu · 08/07/2025 12:59

What on this earth has it got to do with you?

Gloriia · 08/07/2025 13:03

Helpmeplease2025 · 08/07/2025 12:57

What behaviour of yours has earned you a snippy letter home from the HT?

Oh where to start, parents buying the wrong trousers, parents not queuing up correctly, parents not providing the correct content for packed lunches, parents not volunteering for the pta. Our primary head <many years ago now thank god> seemed to write letters every day to parents.

School staff have codes of conduct and shagging junior colleagues is not on it.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2025 13:07

As someone who used to be married to a headteacher I'd say you need to be very sure of your facts before spreading the rumour further, but suspect it's already too late for that and the school-gate glee will be in overdrive Hmm

Never mind though ... it'll be someone else's turn next wekk

CohortsandCahoots · 08/07/2025 13:09

Oneeyedonkey · 08/07/2025 12:28

And this has exactly what to do with you?
Become aware?? School gate gossips the bloody lot of you!! Grow up!

Plus a Daily Mail sad face...

My child's schooling was affected by headmaster's affair with teacher.

@GlitterGold7 it's absolutely none of your business. Bugger quoted wrong person!

4PawsandATail · 08/07/2025 13:10

GlitterGold7 · 08/07/2025 12:19

No, they were seen at a hotel at a motorway service station together, which confirmed more historic suspicions which people had raised.

You're reaching. They could be lesson planning, going through what she could do better as a teacher, strategising, any numbe..... Nah, they definitely shagging.

It's not your business however and if they've been seen once then they'll likely be seen again by someone with more skin in the game.

RaraRachael · 08/07/2025 13:11

Pomegranatecarnage · 08/07/2025 12:59

You can’t be serious! Every school has one!

Yes I'm perfectly serious.
Maybe they do in England but in Scotland I never ever saw one nor did I hear anyone refer to one

CohortsandCahoots · 08/07/2025 13:11

Helpmeplease2025 · 08/07/2025 12:28

Public flogging, sounds like. In front of all the school Mums the HT hasn’t danced to the tune of in the past.

Edited

I meant to quote this...

I'd be shit at having an affair - oops wrong person 🤣

Bottleflag · 08/07/2025 13:12

Didimum · 08/07/2025 12:53

From Gov.uk Teachers Standards Guidance:

Part Two: Personal and professional conduct

A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and professional conduct. The following statements define the behaviour and attitudes which set the required standard for conduct throughout a teacher’s career.

• Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of
ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:

• treating pupils with dignity, building relationships rooted in mutual respect,
and at all times observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s
professional position

• having regard for the need to safeguard pupils’ well-being, in accordance
with statutory provisions

• showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others

• not undermining fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule
of law, individual liberty and mutual respect, and tolerance of those with
different faiths and beliefs

• ensuring that personal beliefs are not expressed in ways which exploit
pupils’ vulnerability or might lead them to break the law.

• Teachers must have proper and professional regard for the ethos, policies and
practices of the school in which they teach, and maintain high standards in their
own attendance and punctuality.

• Teachers must have an understanding of, and always act within, the statutory
frameworks which set out their professional duties and responsibilities.

So nothing about affairs with colleagues.

DragonTrainor · 08/07/2025 13:13

I can understand why it would bother you and I don't think I would like it but I can't see how it affects your child.

ShesTheAlbatross · 08/07/2025 13:14

I agree that affairs are morally awful, and I think this is additionally dodgy since she’s more junior than him.

But I wouldn’t do anything at all.

JLou08 · 08/07/2025 13:16

GlitterGold7 · 08/07/2025 12:19

No, they were seen at a hotel at a motorway service station together, which confirmed more historic suspicions which people had raised.

So it is just school gate gossip then. They could be friends outside of work, maybe even relatives. They could have been on a training course together or been to something else related to work, teachers do work outside actual school hours. What is it you want go do? Find their spouses on social media to tell them your wild theory? Report your theory to the governors? It's ridiculous. You could cause a huge amount of stress for people and possibly come out of it looking a fool if you were proved to be wrong.