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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

259 replies

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:00

Hmmmm, so I feel I might really be unreasonable here, thus the post. I would say we are a classic family of four, with 14 year old daughter, and 10 year old son and typical marital disputes (some money, some mental load, some basic male uselessness…). Most notably,’husband has been away a lot over the past few months (due to work, but not entirely essential work) and the kids have clearly noticed this and felt slighted by this (as I have, in terms of picking up the slack, too).

So now, we are on long awaited holiday where we can all take a breath and reconnect… and somehow we are not all falling into the happy family patterns that husband anticipates. And it all comes to a head with: the film watching experience of tonight..Always a bit of a sore spot for us as I will happily comment and yap away- and he prefers total silence. Now, the kids and I try to respect this when watching a new film, but honestly, find it a bit ridiculous when doing a rewatch ..and also isn’t the bloody point of watching a film together as a family to do some bonding shit talk?!? So, complete nightmare following reasonably pleasant day when we decide to watch Harry Potter 1 (seen maybe 8-10 times as a family???) and we are chastised within the first 10 mins for talking too much. At this point, I most definitely do not take the moral high ground, but say he is acting as a massive asshat - and had I known movie silence would be required I may not have married him… this traumatising children who actually think this is a declaration of divorce. Everything then minimised and I pretend to sleep for the rest of the film (ah- keeping quiet and not talking!), but now the kids upset and the bloody husband claiming he has no idea why everyone is so on edge…. Do I just pretend all is normal and completely eat the ‘film silence’ shit… or do I stay strong and make this an issue?!! .

OP posts:
Snakebite61 · 10/07/2025 16:21

Sealhaver · 08/07/2025 00:00

Hmmmm, so I feel I might really be unreasonable here, thus the post. I would say we are a classic family of four, with 14 year old daughter, and 10 year old son and typical marital disputes (some money, some mental load, some basic male uselessness…). Most notably,’husband has been away a lot over the past few months (due to work, but not entirely essential work) and the kids have clearly noticed this and felt slighted by this (as I have, in terms of picking up the slack, too).

So now, we are on long awaited holiday where we can all take a breath and reconnect… and somehow we are not all falling into the happy family patterns that husband anticipates. And it all comes to a head with: the film watching experience of tonight..Always a bit of a sore spot for us as I will happily comment and yap away- and he prefers total silence. Now, the kids and I try to respect this when watching a new film, but honestly, find it a bit ridiculous when doing a rewatch ..and also isn’t the bloody point of watching a film together as a family to do some bonding shit talk?!? So, complete nightmare following reasonably pleasant day when we decide to watch Harry Potter 1 (seen maybe 8-10 times as a family???) and we are chastised within the first 10 mins for talking too much. At this point, I most definitely do not take the moral high ground, but say he is acting as a massive asshat - and had I known movie silence would be required I may not have married him… this traumatising children who actually think this is a declaration of divorce. Everything then minimised and I pretend to sleep for the rest of the film (ah- keeping quiet and not talking!), but now the kids upset and the bloody husband claiming he has no idea why everyone is so on edge…. Do I just pretend all is normal and completely eat the ‘film silence’ shit… or do I stay strong and make this an issue?!! .

Having to watch Harry Potter would make me want to fly home.

Sealhaver · 10/07/2025 19:00

Just to everyone who has been good enough to comment int his thread- we’ve made it through another few days of holiday (and even another film!) and it’s significantly improved. Hard to say whether this is down to me admitting I was a bit of a dick or just general relaxation due to everyone reacquainting themselves with each other is hard to say..

OP posts:
Sealhaver · 10/07/2025 19:03

mambojambodothetango · 10/07/2025 08:09

I thinking talking through the film is not the point. The preamble about Dad's absences and then expecting the family to be happy together on holiday is the key info. It always takes DH a week to get out of work mode and stop being snappy with us all. I think whoever the parent is that is away a lot or works long hours somehow expects the people at home to be pliant, for the atmosphere to be pleasant and for no challenges to occur because they come home to relax. They forget that their family are people with their own stresses and opinions and that a happy family holiday requires input from them as well.
I am not sure you chose the best example, OP, as everyone has latched on to the talking during the film. I would also be frustrated if my DH preferred silence to conversation when you're finally all together in the same room. Perhaps a game would have been a better activity.

And boy- I think this nails it so hard I am in shock!! That’s exactly what I think I was so poorly expressing with my total hissy fit… and I cannot honestly thank so many of the hugely insightful and thoughtful posters who have commented. Those of you who think I should be shot against a wall for ever talking during a movie… I promise I am not actually just continually talking- its all hugely insightful and relevant commentary (well, as much as one can with an HP film?!).

OP posts:
zaxxon · 10/07/2025 20:58

Glad things are going better OP. Maybe he was just feeling left out.

Looking back, some of my happiest parenting times have been sitting with the DCs and joking about what's on screen, laughing together... I'm glad you are getting to experience that with your kids.

BashfulClam · 10/07/2025 21:15

I was ready to strangle mil when she yip yapped through a whole film I was trying to watch. It was something I’d not seen before and she kept saying ‘do you know whats going on…I don’t understand…’ well maybe if you shut the fuck up you’d follow it better!

Arrivederla · 11/07/2025 13:30

BashfulClam · 10/07/2025 21:15

I was ready to strangle mil when she yip yapped through a whole film I was trying to watch. It was something I’d not seen before and she kept saying ‘do you know whats going on…I don’t understand…’ well maybe if you shut the fuck up you’d follow it better!

Completely different situation though...?
Have you not read the thread?

BashfulClam · 11/07/2025 13:38

Arrivederla · 11/07/2025 13:30

Completely different situation though...?
Have you not read the thread?

Oops I posted on the wrong thread 🤦🏻‍♀️

Notbuzzinganymore · 11/07/2025 19:28

I would lose my shit if my husband called me names, and if he called me names and insulted me infront of my children I'd be in prison. Can only imagine the grief he gets in private, might explain the working away? Id suggest being nice to each other for a start. Start to communicate in respectful and polite manners. If you dont want to all watch the movie in silence, got to another room?

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 07:37

How’s it all going since this spat op?

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