Holiday day three… not going brilliantly

[Sealhaver]

Hmmmm, so I feel I might really be unreasonable here, thus the post. I would say we are a classic family of four, with 14 year old daughter, and 10 year old son and typical marital disputes (some money, some mental load, some basic male uselessness…). Most notably,’husband has been away a lot over the past few months (due to work, but not entirely essential work) and the kids have clearly noticed this and felt slighted by this (as I have, in terms of picking up the slack, too).

So now, we are on long awaited holiday where we can all take a breath and reconnect… and somehow we are not all falling into the happy family patterns that husband anticipates. And it all comes to a head with: the film watching experience of tonight..Always a bit of a sore spot for us as I will happily comment and yap away- and he prefers total silence. Now, the kids and I try to respect this when watching a new film, but honestly, find it a bit ridiculous when doing a rewatch ..and also isn’t the bloody point of watching a film together as a family to do some bonding shit talk?!? So, complete nightmare following reasonably pleasant day when we decide to watch Harry Potter 1 (seen maybe 8-10 times as a family???) and we are chastised within the first 10 mins for talking too much. At this point, I most definitely do not take the moral high ground, but say he is acting as a massive asshat - and had I known movie silence would be required I may not have married him… this traumatising children who actually think this is a declaration of divorce. Everything then minimised and I pretend to sleep for the rest of the film (ah- keeping quiet and not talking!), but now the kids upset and the bloody husband claiming he has no idea why everyone is so on edge…. Do I just pretend all is normal and completely eat the ‘film silence’ shit… or do I stay strong and make this an issue?!! .

Op, I think you sound fab & it's great that you've taken on board some of the more constructive comments!
I, like some others, think there is a lot more going on than just watching a film in silence. Perhaps try to find some time to speak to your DH on your own & tell him how you're feeling, & hopefully you can move on positively from there. Best of luck, & as I say, you sound fab!

Absolutely nothing to do with thread , but why is your husband away for work that isn’t essential for him to be away for ?

If you want to chat why bother putting a film on? Just sit and chat instead. I’m with your husband on this one.

I'm with you OP, I find it boring to just watch and not comment occasionally, but I married a movie buff so it's the silent treatment from me.

Tbf I'd rather not even watch, as I've other things to do, but apparently DH likes to spend time with me and watching a film in silence counts (no idea how/why).

We do the same.
We go to the Cinema to see new films, and don't talk during.

But quite often put on something we've all already seen and have a family chit chat about it. Its funny and we enjoy doing that.

DH used to be the same about movie silence... esp if it was one of his films.. But when it was one of my picks... all his witticisms were employed.

If you are watching something TOGETHER.. what's the point of sitting in silence.
Otherwise you may as well all be watching it on your own screens separately.

I would have a chat with the DC tho.

This is really making me think. I absolutely loathe talking during films 😂 like I will pause the movie and look politely at the talker but my passive aggressive vibes are strong. We are not watching and talking, we are watching OR talking! Like if you want to talk why put a film
in? But I can see I may come across as a little uptight 😁

I'm with DH on this. I like complete quiet when watching a film otherwise I can't get the "feel" of it. Why sit down in front of the TV if you're going to talk? If you're wanting to have family time, play some board (or other) games.

I can't just watch a film at home, but wouldn't talk out of respect for others. I'd do a jigsaw on my ipad, then we'd all be happy.

Background noise like having the radio on.

You might be watching listening then chat then back to watching listening then chat. The movie isn’t the whole pretence of the evening unlike a trip to the cinema this is winding down and chilling after a busy family holiday day.

It’s meant to still be fun and family time not silence like you’re sitting your a levels.

Don't bother watching a film is all you do is talk and ruin it for everyone else and the way you spoke to your DH is deplorable, you are bu.

I think you could do with learning how not to escalate- you don't have to be right (of course you aren't right as talking during films is a no no)

Sorry OP but talking through a film would make me annoyed too. If you want to have a chat then there are a load of other activities you could do rather than watching a film.

Maybe don't rewatch films so much- a new film is much more likely to keep your attention.

The pair of you need to grow the fuck up really. Squabbling like children over whether you should watch a film in silence or not, name calling in front of your kids and the 2 of you making your kids feel so insecure that they fear you're divorcing is shitty behaviour.

You and your dh need to have a private chat and discuss the feelings underlying this event (resentment) and how you can work out a resolution.

Yes if people start talking in the middle of a film I find it really distracting and easy to lose the thread of what's going on. I always put the film on pause if anyone speaks and they soon get the message!

You are being very unreasonable and I think you know it.

You’re picking on something petty and making it the issue, when clearly it’s not. Husband working away on non essential work appears to be. Be an adult and have a conversation with him about your issues.

It’s a bit pathetic calling him names and upsetting the children for no reason.

Also yapping through a film and making your husband the problem. I’d be divorcing you for the yapping… don’t watch the film if you can’t stop the verbal diarrhoea.

I have to admit, it would really, really annoy me someone talking a lot when I am trying to watch a film. Maybe your husband uses this time to relax from the day. You sound like an excitable annoying child. Everyone's idea of a holiday is different and it's unfair of you to impose your preferences on someone else. That makes your holiday good and his ruined by you. Just watch the bloody film and shut up. It's not that hard. Or, read a book when it's on. You said yourself you have seen it 10 times or whatever. I cannot stand watching a film I have seen, let alone that many times.

I thinking talking through the film is not the point. The preamble about Dad's absences and then expecting the family to be happy together on holiday is the key info. It always takes DH a week to get out of work mode and stop being snappy with us all. I think whoever the parent is that is away a lot or works long hours somehow expects the people at home to be pliant, for the atmosphere to be pleasant and for no challenges to occur because they come home to relax. They forget that their family are people with their own stresses and opinions and that a happy family holiday requires input from them as well.
I am not sure you chose the best example, OP, as everyone has latched on to the talking during the film. I would also be frustrated if my DH preferred silence to conversation when you're finally all together in the same room. Perhaps a game would have been a better activity.

I think the film thing, which I also find ludicrous seeing as it’s been watched in excess of ten times, is a red herring. It’s because your husband is a selfish, useless, domineering prick that everyone is unhappy.

You’d divorce over talking through a film would you? Mm hmm. 😆

You’re normal and human. People with inadequate lives like to attack an OP with scorn on here to feel better about themselves. It can literally be anything. They’ll just always oppose your OP to an extreme length. That’s all. It’s a bit sad really, but marginally entertaining.

Surely it’s unwritten law now that the only reason to watch the (frankly, quite terrible, especially the early ones) Harry Potter films is to discuss how the remake is going to differ??

Our family rules are, if someone watching hasn’t seen it before, we have no talking and discuss once it’s over. If it’s a rewatch for shits and giggles then chatting and googling actors past and future projects is definitely the norm!

🤣

You’d be my idea of a nightmare to watch a film with. Find something else to do in another room or outside or just read a book. YABU